“Demon,” I say. “It’s different.”
“Oh, fuck off,” she snaps back. And it’s so reminiscent of the way we argue when the fights are over simple things that I laugh. Mair looks like she’s about to laugh, too, but then the vague smile she wears slips into a frown. “And then there’sthat. The fact that youlaughedwith him—that you’re laughingnow. You’re different, Mavey. He’s made you different.”
“Me laughing is a bad thing?”
She opens her mouth, closes it. Shakes her head and finally says, “Not bad—just notyou.”
And I want to argue. But it’s true. I know it, we all know it. I don’t laugh. Doesn’t matter how funny the joke is—and certainly not in situations that are just ironically hilarious. So, yes. I’m different.
Something about this bites into me—that I am no longer the same person. That I am aweakerperson than I was before. “Perhaps,” I say. “But it doesn’t matter. You won’t remember a thing about me when I’m back in five years, anyway.”
I stand from my seat and head toward the door. “Be mad if you want, Mair. But there wasn’t another choice. And even if there was, none of them would have paid off as well as this one did. So I don’t regret it. It’s a worthy sacrifice.”
I don’t wait for her to answer. I don’t really care about her answer.
I just pull the door open and walk away.
Chapter 32
Armin
a force
I wait for Mavey in her rooms.
She doesn’t look happy to see me.
I am immediately proven correct when she says, “Leave.”
I shake my head. “No. Are you okay?”
“Just go, Armin. I want to cry and I’m damn well not doing it in front of you.”
My chest constricts as she sits down on the edge of her bed, her back rigidly straight. “I’m not leaving you like this,” I tell her, my voice soft.
“Not even if I beg?” she bites back.
Something is different with her. With—withus. Is she mad at me? I suppose she has every right to be, since it’s my fault Mair found out about the bargain, about us, aboutme. “I’m sorry,” I say softly. “I shouldn’t have been so loud with it in public. Shouldn’t have said a damn thing. I wasn’t thinking. I’m just... I’m used to it just being us. I’m sorry, Mavey, really.”
She turns sharp eyes on me. “If you were sorry, Armin, you wouldn’t have forced that damn bargain on me.”
I blink, surprised. “What?”
“Fivefuckingyears?”
I stand up. “It wasn’t aforce, Mavey. It was a bargain. Wecompromised—could have compromised more, if you’d wanted to. Don’t blame me for this shit. I sure as hell didn’t summon myself to that circle.”
Mavey stands up, doesn’t even look at me as she walks to the balcony. “I didn’t have a choice, Armin, and you knew that!”
I follow her to the window, try to get her to look at me, but she won’t. “Everyone has a choice. I force no one into those bargains. Don’t be foolish, Mavey.”
“Call it what you want, but you still took my desperation and twisted it to your advantage.”
“That’s what a bargain with a demonis.” I grab her by the chin, force her to look at me. “And you werestartingto seem like these next five years wouldn’t be such a burden on you. I thought that perhaps if you liked me enough to fuck me repeatedly, then you might have liked me enough to spend such a small amount of time with me.”
“Five years isnotsmall to me.”
“Not the point, Mavey. Don’t deflect.”