Page 43 of The Long Walk Back

He looked at her, and his guarded expression dropped into a happy smile.

‘I love him Kate, I love you both. That won’t change. I’m here, I told you.’ His words broke her apart, and she realised she’d been worrying about him realizing that maybe her issues were too much, even for him. The tears sprang to her eyes, and she couldn’t hold them back. She dropped her head onto her arms and started to cry. In one move, Cooper had lifted her into his arms in his chair. He laid her across his lap and cradled her tightly.

‘If Trevor comes in, this won’t help fight our corner you know.’

She laughed, which sent her into a fresh bout of tears. He shushed her, squeezing her to him.

‘I never had a family,’ he said into her hair, softly. ‘I was left, dumped in a side street. I bounced around the foster system for a while, but I didn’t fit in anywhere. Not till I signed up. Then I had brothers and sisters, a family to die for. A unit that would die for me. It was all I needed. Till you and Jamie came along. Now I know what family is, in the normal sense. I would throw myself into the path of anything that ever threatened to hurt either of you. I know what I want, but I need you to be sure of what you want. Sure that I’m not going anywhere. Know all the facts. Something is holding you back, I can feel it. Till you figure it out, I’m here.’ He lifted her head, wiped her tears with a white piece of cotton. Kate took it from him, looking at it. It was a handkerchief, with the initials TC sewn onto it.

‘Rita,’ he said grinning. ‘She made some for Jamie too. That woman never stops, I swear. I think she adopted me.’

Kate wiped her face dry of tears. Her head ached from the sudden outpouring of emotion.

‘What were you looking at when I came in?’ she asked, remembering.

He flushed, shaking his head. ‘Nothing important,’ he said, but she could tell he was lying. She went in to embrace him, but grabbed at the paper and jumped off his lap. He was fast, standing to get it from her, but not fast enough. She saw the property pages from the daily paper.

‘Are you leaving?’ she asked.

He stood, walked towards her, and she noticed how steady on his feet he was.

‘After the bash, yeah, I thought I might rent somewhere close. A flat. I need to think about my next move, maybe getting some work. My savings won’t last forever.’ Kate felt a slab of something lying heavy in her stomach. No, she thought. Nothing does.

‘Don’t overthink this, Kate. It’s nothing to do with what I said. I am here for you and Jamie, I just need to put things in place for me, that’s all. My next steps include you.’

Kate nodded, and Cooper knew that she had closed herself down. Damn it. The woman was stubborn, he thought. He itched the stubble on the side of his face with both hands. The scrape, scrape, scrape of nails on skin and hair. ‘Kate, don’t do this.’

She looked at him, shaking her head sadly.

He wished he could tell her what he knew. That he’d seen Neil. Knew of his new situation. No wonder the woman didn’t trust what they had. She’d been replaced so quickly by a man with whom she didn’t feel a fraction of what she and Cooper meant to each other.

Meanwhile, her independent stubborn streak was screaming at her not to make another mistake. ‘Don’t you get it, Cooper? It’s already done. There’s just… too much against this. I can’t fail again.’ She gazed into those green eyes, wishing it was different. ‘I don’t want to take a good man down with me.’

23

Kate felt wretched after leaving Cooper there. She felt like she’d just walked away from him forever. Her past was dictating her future, and she was damn well letting it. As soon as she could break away from work, she took herself off to a quiet corner and dialled a number on her phone. Roger answered after two rings.

‘Hello, dear, how are you and Jamie? It’s lovely to hear from you!’ His warmth and friendly easiness made Kate’s stomach drop into her heels.

‘We’re fine thanks, Roger, but I do have a favour to ask.’ She already knew that Neil’s work hadn’t told them anything. He’d called to tell her as much. ‘Could you and Milly please come to the centre today? I thought you could have lunch with Jamie, and I need to speak to you too.’

Roger didn’t speak for a moment, and Kate held her breath.

‘Of course,’ he said eventually. ‘We will set off as soon as we can. About an hour, okay?’

Kate gripped the phone tight. ‘That would be good, thanks.’

Kate looked at the faces of Milly and Roger as she told them about Jamie’s accident, and the circumstances that led to a mother telling a father to leave the bedside of their gravely injured son when he’d finally come back to the hospital.

Milly was pale, her lemon two-piece washing out her make-up even further. She looked like she might vomit, and Kate hated herself for doing this to them. Neil should be here to tell him. Be man enough to stand by his decisions, his mistakes. The wind was a slow breeze, at times taking the heat of the sun that shone down on the centre gardens. They were sat watching Cooper and Jamie play hoops in their chairs. Cooper was pretty steady walking but still a bit wobbly at times. Kate knew that the chair was more for Jamie’s benefit. Their laughter carried across the grass to the wooden bench they were perched on. Roger looked across at the laughter, and his stricken face melted into a smile.

‘That Cooper – he really is good with him isn’t he? I don’t think I ever heard Jamie laugh like that before now.’

Kate nodded. He’d barely spoken to her since that day. He was still there for Jamie, though. Didn’t let his hurt show, but she knew he felt her pushing him away. I just need to make this right, hang in there with me. ‘He’s had it tough, but I think we’re through the worst of it now. I’m sick of being the bad guy here, but I can’t tell Jamie the truth. It’s made this whole thing so much harder. He hates me for keeping his dad away. I asked him to leave that day, but he didn’t have to fall off the face of the Earth. I was angry when I found out what happened. Our marriage was over, but what he did… it cost Jamie. He’ll be upset when it all comes out. I just want to get in front of it.’

Roger pursed his lips. ‘We need to go and find him, today. Make him talk to his son and explain just what’s going on. This is not the son we raised. No wonder he’s been avoiding us. Lying. I tried contacting him at work again, but they’re very tight-lipped. No wonder now, they’re obviously protecting him.’

Kate shook her head. ‘Not him they’re protecting so much. I think it’s her that they’re trying to look after.’ An affair between colleagues wasn’t exactly something they would want on stamped onto the company masthead.

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