Page 9 of The Long Walk Back

‘Did he sign a DNR?’ Kate asked frantically, trying to justify the decision she knew she wanted to take. ‘Did he put anything in writing?’

Abby shook her head. ‘No. We could wait for Trevor, he’s being told right now but that might be too late. Kate! We need to prep for amputation!’

Medic Jones came running in, radio in hand. ‘Trevor made the call – if no papers were signed, we proceed as normal.’

‘Shit. Okay, okay. Thanks.’ Trevor was there when he said he didn’t want the operation. He was her superior. It came down to him, but she would have to be the one to do it. To look him in the eye after. He might never get back to his unit. Active duty was far harder for amputees. He wouldn’t be the captain he loved being after this. Kate looked at the man on the bed, and thought of the boy on the roof. If Cooper died, what would be the point in any of this? Would she want Jamie’s survival to mean another life lost, if her child had been on that rooftop? Life was made of split-second decisions, and Kate had made enough to know that she would rather choose fast and live with the fallout. The thought of letting him die felt wrong. She just knew that the world still had plans for this soldier, even if he didn’t realise it yet. She would live with her decision. If the captain couldn’t deal with it, then that was his choice. He could die, just not today, and not on her watch. She had to follow orders.

‘Patients change their mind. Do you want to be responsible for a death that could have been prevented? Kate, please – charge!’ Kate looked at the nurse, feeling the sweat drip down her spine inside her scrubs. She was terrified, but she just couldn’t let him go out like this. Her mind was set. Abby looked at her and the others around them, and shaking her head, she ordered another charge.

The beeping noise told Kate the unit was ready.

‘Clear!’ she shouted, shocking the captain again. His body jerked and this time, his eyes fluttered. A flash of green she thought she might never see again. She looked desperately at the monitor. Nothing. Nothing on the screen but a line, and a beep heralding the call of the end. Nothing, nothing, then a beat, beat, beat. The pixels on the screen danced across, levelling into a pattern. The prettiest pattern Dr Harper had ever seen.

‘We have him back,’ she said, putting the paddles away. ‘Gown me up,’ she ordered.

‘I need a bone saw and a ten blade, now.’

Abby nodded, running to the sterile equipment store and grappling for implements with sure hands. Kate snipped away the bandages, another nurse prepped the surgical field, and a doctor worked on anaesthetising the captain.

Moments later, someone passed the blade to her. She took a deep breath, looking at Cooper’s unconscious face, and made the first cut.

Please forgive me.

4

COOPER

I dreamt I was running across the dust, bullets whizzing past my ear as I raced for shelter, my gun tight to my side. The radio was buzzing in my jacket, shouting my name. ‘Cooper, Cooper, come in.’

Around me, the crumbling buildings fell apart, destroyed by shells and the anger of men. The ground was unsafe, potholes forming before my eyes, rocks shooting up like newly erected buildings. The radio voice kept insisting I move. Keep moving, don’t stop, or you’ll be no more.

I kept running, boots clicking on stones and rubble, sinking into puddles of blood, pieces of the buildings around me laying at my head like rose petals as I literally ran for my life. The noise in the radio changed. This one was female, strong, anguished. Familiar somehow, but he couldn’t summon up a face to match the voice in his head.

‘Cooper, you have to fight. Cooper, you have to live. Wake up, Cooper, wake up…’

I jumped as a pain shot through my lower body. My eyes snapped open, and I realised I was in the same tent, the same bed. It had been a nightmare. I could feel the sweat dripping down my forehead, I was drenched. The bed sheets felt wet, sticky to the touch. I flexed my fingers, testing out how my body was holding up. My right hand felt heavy, and I could feel warm, soft skin against mine. I smiled despite myself, and opening my eyes, saw Kate asleep in the chair, her hand wrapped around mine. She’d stayed with me again. This angel in the dust. It made me wonder what sort of man she was splitting up from back home. Whether I would measure up. Where that thought had even come from. I didn’t exactly date, nor feel the need to. Something about her made me think of more than war. Must be the meds. Still, I took a moment to savour the warm fuzzies I felt at waking up again with this woman holding my hand. My whole body felt sluggish, achy and my legs were killing me, a dull but insistent pain running through them. I squeezed her hand, running my fingers along her wedding band. I wonder what sort of guy had this woman’s heart, even for a short time. Another doctor, probably, as driven and stubborn as her. She squeezed my hand back, and when I looked at her, her blue eyes were looking straight into mine.

‘Morning, Missy,’ I said weakly, my voice coming out as a rasp. ‘Did I oversleep?’

She didn’t acknowledge my attempt at humour, but I clocked the relief on her pretty face. The blood froze in my veins when I realised what that meant.

‘This is it then, yeah?’ I asked. ‘How long have I got?’

She leaned forward, the dark circles under her eyes giving her a haunted look under the dimmed strip lighting in the tent. ‘Your organs started to shut down, and your heart stopped.’

I frowned. ‘So how am I talking to you?’

Kate looked away from me, and I tried to sit up. She placed her other hand on my chest, stilling me.

‘No, please, don’t try to move.’

I looked at her again, and I knew. I reached for the sheet and whipped it back. She said nothing, standing and helping me to pull the cover down slowly. My right leg was still bandaged up, my toes poking out of the end, but my left leg looked different. My brain seemed to short out a second, and I wiggled my toes. Wiggled them again. My brain told me that I had just wiggled ten toes, but my eyes told me different. On my left leg, where my toes should have been, there was just the expanse of the bed. My leg was bandaged, and stopped just below where my knee should be. I became aware of a high-pitched gurgle, an unholy sound, and I looked from my legs to Kate and then around the room, searching for the source of the noise.

Kate touched my face, cupping my cheeks between her hands, and turned me to face her. ‘I am so sorry, Captain. I am so sorry. You need to stay calm; your stitches are still fresh.’

It was then that I realised that the noise was coming from me, but I still couldn’t stop it. It was like my soul was ripping itself in two, and I laid back against the covers as my head swam.

Looking down at my legs again, I closed my eyes tight.

---