Page 25 of This is Where I Leave You

She unfolded the pages and smoothed out the crisp expensive vellum sheets. There were two documents, one stapled with the law firm letterhead on it. She knew it contained details of her settlement, so she pushed that aside and turned to the paper clipped handwritten letter. She rubbed her huge bump and was comforted when the bump kicked against her hand. I’m here mum, read it…

Dear Cady,

If you are reading this then no doubt I am gone. It’s funny, working in the law you write wills and sign documents, never thinking much about the circumstances that make them come to pass, divorces, house sales, death. These things are all part and parcel of life, and the legal documents just make them civilised, but then I suppose life isn’t civilised, is it?

This is something that I never understood and you always did. That life is for living, no matter what small thing or being makes it worth it.

Richard watched from above as she opened the letter, willing her to understand what he was trying to say in his repressed turn of phrase. He felt a lump in his throat the size of Brazil as he gazed at her sat reading, cradling her swollen belly as she teared up. “It’s so true what they say, you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone,” he said over his shoulder to Gerty, who touched his shoulder with her hand.

“I know, child, I know.”

The truth of it is, Cady, is that I never deserved you or even appreciated you while I was alive, and now that I am dead, I will no doubt have hurt you further by my passing. The only comfort I can retain is that you will be well looked after when I am gone.

I can only say how grateful I am for you, and I am sorry for my wrongdoings. I hope that you are happy, and have a good life.

Richard

Cady’s tears fell silently as she read the letter again. The wording was so Richard, all restrained and oddly formal, even in this letter of all things. Her mind briefly flashed to Luke, who in comparison was a fireball of childish energy, constantly sketching and jotting down ideas on note pads and even till receipts, so expressive and unrestrained.

Reading the last paragraph, she suddenly got a flash of Richard’s last words to her…

It was dark that night, a winter night when the sky was dipped in ink, even the stars were muted from their usual brilliance. It was cold outside, she remembered that the windows were all cloudy from the hot air inside battling it out with the cold air outside the sills of the house. She had cooked as usual after work, and was sat talking to George on the phone while waiting for Richard, her heel slipping off her foot as she sat on the stool sipping rose wine. Then Richard had banged in, calling her name. She ended her call and poured a glass for him. She still had it in her hand when he came bounding into the kitchen and blurted that he was leaving her for someone else, that she could keep the house, and that he was leaving that night. Cady didn’t even grasp her emotions when the wine was dripping off Richard’s nose onto his shirt. She remembered thinking, ‘damn, why did I do that? I will have to wash it now so it doesn’t stain.’ Richard went upstairs, and by the time Cady had downed another drink and turned off the food, he was back, overnight bag in hand, ready to walk out of the door. When he got to the threshold, her brain whirred into gear and she chased him onto the front steps of the house. It had started to rain; the water was bounding down on them both accompanied with a deafening noise, and a flash of lightening highlighted her husband’s features. They were screaming at each other, him telling her to calm down and stop making a show in front of the neighbours, her calling him all the names under the sun and some from under the earth as well. She was so furious, shocked and hurt she wanted to kill him then and there. When the first fork of lightning flashed she felt irritated that it had not jabbed him in his Armani clad arsehole.

Richard was shaking his head now, shouting to be heard over the thunder and the heavy rain. Droplets used his nose as a rain gutter, skiing off the end like lemmings.

“Cady, I’m sorry, I really am, but I have to leave. I want you to know, I wish you a very happy life. I am sure it will happen for you.”

Cady was soaked to the skin, bare feet frozen to the stone steps of the house. Her white silk blouse was clinging to her frame like wet paper, and her hair hung in tendrils around her tortured features.

“You condescending bastard Richard!” She marched to the pavement edge to where he stood in the deserted road. “You fucking cheat on me again, leave me, and wish me a sodding happy life! Well you know what I wish Richard, I WISH YOU WOULD JUST DROP DEAD!”

It was then she heard the screech and watched her husband’s face turn from anger, to shocked, to nothing. She heard a huge bang and scrunched up her eyes in surprise, feeling a warm splash of rain on her face. It was only when she opened her eyes that she saw that Richard wasn’t there. He wasn’t there, but a car was, there were people running towards it, shouting, screaming, and she didn’t know why. Till she saw him: crumpled under the car, his briefcase on its side up the road, contents strewn everywhere. Pushing her hair away from her face and racing to fall beside him, she put out her hands to stroke his face as he looked at her, but her hands were not covered with warm rain. They were covered with blood, blood that looked like thick dark oil in the night’s light. And Richard wasn’t looking at her. He wasn’t looking at anyone; he was gone.

***

Luke waved the builders off and went inside to straighten up. Looking around the house, he couldn’t believe how big and open it was now. Once the painting was done and the furniture was arranged, he knew it would be fantastic. Just perfect for a little one too, and the whole house reeked of Cady now. Richard’s pictures were all over the nursery, which was a nice touch, but the other rooms were all her now. Making two cups of tea, he went upstairs to find his client. He found her asleep on her side in the master bedroom, her face streaked with tears and a pile of papers clutched to her chest. Setting down the steaming mugs, he sat beside her and stroked the salty water away from her face. She roused and opened her blue eyes, looking straight at him. Before he could rationalise the thought away, he bent his head and kissed her gently on her closed lips. Confusion flashed across her face and then she opened her mouth slightly and kissed him back. He pulled her up and cradled her into his arms, legs smashed against each other on the bed, the papers cascading down his back as she put her arms around him. They explored each other’s mouths; Luke felt a hot warm flash in his heart and his pulse raced. He loved this girl with all his heart, and now she was kissing him back, running his hair through her fingers. They kept kissing and hugging each other tight till Luke’s phone rang. He groaned and they both laughed, Luke not letting go of her while he reached his phone out of his pocket. The moment was broken when she saw his face. A look of discomfort flashed across it; she knew it was the woman. She pulled away from him and straightened herself up, as much as a horny pregnant woman could in this situation.

Luke thrust the phone back into his pocket and reached for her. She stilled his hand and cleared her throat.

“I wanted to talk to you actually Luke, to say thank you for everything, I am really grateful but obviously now the house is finished..so..”

Luke broke in. “So, you need a hand when the paint’s dry? That’s good, because I was thinking, I could take you to the scan in the morning, Dad will lend me his car, and then I thought that we could hit the sculpture park with a picnic, I have something to show you. When the workers are done, I can help you finish the house off and then..”

“Luke,” she half screamed, half spat, “the job is over now. I am grateful, but you have your own life to lead, and your girlf..”

Luke rolled his eyes. “Ooh, I get it! No, Cady, no, that woman who keeps phoning is an ex, an unwanted ex. I am not seeing anyone, Cades, and the fact is that I want to see you, don’t you get that?”

Cady shook her head, remembering how adamant the woman was about her and Luke reconciling, she couldn’t risk her heart like that, even for him. “Luke, don’t say anymore please. Just go back to your life.”

Luke opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off.

“Luke, I am serious. I am with Marcus and I am happy. I’m sorry about the kiss, it was just the hormones.”

She kept her eyes focused on the pattern on the quilt, not daring to look at him in case she threw her wrestler weight body against him and begged him to stay, to choose her forever. She just couldn’t be second best again, and she had vowed that her baby would never feel that pain either.

Luke swallowed hard, gave her a lingering peck on the lips, and was gone. When she heard the door bang shut, she rolled herself under the quilt and fell straight to sleep, heart aching with every strained beat.

***

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