Page 22 of Sin

I roll my eyes even as my stomach flips. Kinsley’s teasing about Ethan having a crush on me doesn’t ring as false as it did before the kiss, and Ethan did seem almost jealous last night when Jake asked for my number. Why did I like it so much?

I don’t have a crush on Ethan. He’s not my type at all. Lately, I prefer guys like Jake, guys who make me feel at ease.

Then again, Ethan has been making me feel at ease recently. He’s been so warm and self-deprecating with me. The time we spent together yesterday evening was some of the most fun I’ve had in months.

Another text appears on my screen, and this time, the hairs on my arms stand up. My heart starts to pound, and my hands grow cold.

Mason: We need to talk. Soon.

This is now the second time in a few days that he’s requested to talk to me. Unusual for him. Generally, these texts come about once a month, a reminder not to tell anyone what didn’t happen. What does it mean?

I set my phone down with a thud, trying to push the anxiety aside. I don’t give a fuck about him. I’ll ghost him until the end of eternity.

Ethan

“So how is everything going with Lily?” Noah asks.

My eyes snap open. I lift my head from the cool window. The vibrations of the bus rumbling down the freeway always lull me into a state of hypnosis.

We just won a game against Sierra Valley—one of our toughest rivals. Normally, I’d be daydreaming about my performance, analyzing every route, every catch, every decision I made on the field.

It seems like all I can think about lately is a fiery girl with sparkling eyes. Every time, my stomach flutters and my breath catches.

It’s silly. I’m like a junior high boy with a crush.

Goddamn that impulsive decision to kiss her. It’s fucked up everything and made me fixate on her when I shouldn’t be thinking this way about my best friend’s little sister. I’ve been called by God to help her, damn it.

“She’s doing great,” I say. “We changed our approach. I’ve decided to become her sleep coach. She’s barely sleeping four hours a night because she’s so stressed about her grades.”

Noah frowns incredulously. “Her sleep coach? What do you mean?”

“I helped her come up with a sleep ritual. She’s going to wind down at night with a relaxing activity and testing a new sleep supplement. Next week, when we meet up, we’ll see if it worked.”

“You can’t only work on her sleep, Ethan. She’s got way more problems than just that. She has to improve her grades if she doesn’t want to get kicked out of college.”

I want to roll my eyes. Why does he have to be so hard on her? “She’s not like you and me. She’s the type of person who needs to tackle one problem at a time.”

Noah’s eyes narrow. “You seem to know a lot about her after one accountability session.”

My face heats. Does he suspect my interest in Lily is more than just that of the older brother figure he expects me to be? Maybe I’m giving something away. My whole body responds to the mere thought of her. Can he see how much I’m drawn to her by the look in my eyes?

I try to push the thought away. I can’t forget that I’ve been lying to Noah about the night Lily and I kissed. Guilt is making me paranoid.

“Believe it or not,” I say, “Lily and I are becoming friends. She still teases me constantly.” I smile, unable to help myself. “But we’re able to laugh together.”

Noah’s eyes widen. “That’s insane. I would have bet money you’d be ready to strangle her after one time meeting up with her. She’s certainly never liked you.”

A cold stone settles in my gut. I hate the idea that she’s never liked me. Why did I have to be such a dick to her?

Maybe Brandon and Mariana were right that I was repressing my attraction. Maybe my refusal to acknowledge that I want her left me feeling restless and irritated, which made me lash out.

It doesn’t matter. God has called me to help her, and that’s what I’m going to do. I can hold these feelings inside. I have the self-control of a monk.

I scratch the back of my head. “Yeah, well, she’s a pain, but we get along.”

Noah’s expression softens. “I’m glad you’re getting along. There’s no other guy I’d trust to be friends with my sister.”

Guilt squeezes my chest. He wouldn’t be saying that if he knew the full truth. I kissed his sister like I’ve never kissed anyone before.

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