Page 62 of Sin

I frown. Is it really so surprising to her after everything that’s happened in the last twenty-four hours?

“I wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you. I didn’t understand it fully—or maybe I was just in deep denial. But a part of me always knew. I think that’s why I’ve been so protective but distant at the same time. You were off-limits as Noah’s little sister, and…it’s uncomfortable wanting something you can’t have.”

Her dazed expression makes me chuckle. “Why do you seem so shocked? My brother and sister-in-law have been making fun of me for years over you. They knew I wanted you before I did.”

She gasps. “So you… You talked about me to them?”

“I did. I told my whole family you needed God. I was a self-righteous prick. That’s why I practically forced you to come to Thanksgiving last year even when you said you were just fine spending it with a few of your sorority sisters who didn’t go home.” I laugh humorlessly. “I was trying to show you God’s love.”

Fuck, I was so stupid. The truth is I’ve never met anyone who needs God less than Lily. She’s so free, not bound by guilt or fear like I’ve been my whole life.

She laughs. “Showing me God’s love by basically demanding I spend Thanksgiving with your family. You’re adorable, Ethan.”

The tension leaves my shoulders in an instant. I love how accepting she is of my flaws. I’ve never felt as comfortable in my own skin as when I’m around her.

“I was deluding myself,” I say. “I told myself you needed to be saved by God because it gave me an excuse to keep guys away from you when I got jealous.” I smile ruefully. “I was saving you on God’s behalf.”

“You kind of hinted at that, but I never knew.” Her expression grows thoughtful. “When were you jealous?”

I scoff. “Millions of times. Do you remember that night you had three guys surrounding you at a bar, and I had Brandon pretend to be your boyfriend to get you away from them?”

She laughs. “Three guys? You’re remembering it wrong. I’m pretty sure it was only one. You always seemed to think I was a much bigger partier than I really was.”

I snort. “It was absolutely three guys. Trust me. I was the jealous one. Anyway, one of them made you laugh. It was so loud I heard it from across the restaurant. I knew it was you before I even saw your face. No one else has that laugh. It’s so…uninhibited. I had to get those guys away from you. I think it was because…” My eyes lock onto hers. “I wanted that laughter to belong to me. I wanted you to be mine, even though I didn’t know it yet.”

She swallows. “Ethan, what does this mean?”

My chest fills with a delicious warmth. Is she asking what I think she is? Does she want to belong to me as much as I want to belong to her?

I can’t tell her the truth—that right now, I’d sacrifice anything to keep her. Anything.

Eventually, the guilt will have to settle in—the conviction that I’ve crossed a line and have to repent. There’s no way it won’t. I’ve betrayed my best friend and all my values. I’ve betrayed my future wife.

I want my future wife to be Lily, goddamn it. In the moment, it feels like I could commit murder to make it happen.

But that’s not what she wants. Marriage isn’t for her.

I refuse to try to change her. She’s perfect just as she is.

“I don’t know,” I say. “I’m sorry that I can’t give you a better answer than that.”

She nods slowly, her gaze fixed on her sketch. “Do you mind if we…” She rubs her hand across her forehead, creating a gray smudge from the charcoal on her fingers. “I’m getting a bit of a headache.”

My stomach drops. “Are you upset about what I just said?”

“No. I know having sex for the first time was a big deal for you. I don’t expect you to understand what it all means right away. I’m honestly not feeling great. I think maybe I’ve had too much sun.”

I look at her closely, my skepticism growing. Her cheeks are flushed, and there’s a slight glaze to her eyes that wasn’t there before. “Too much sun?” I ask. “It’s not that hot.”

She shakes her head. “I think I’m just tired. You have practice this afternoon, right? I’ll take a nap while you’re gone.” She smiles lazily. “Then I’ll be rested for tonight.”

Heat shoots into my gut. “Tonight is too far away. Can you make time move faster?”

Chapter Twenty-Four

Ethan

“Ethan!” Coach Rodriguez shouts. “Are you sleepwalking out there?”

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