Page 60 of Sin

“Lily,” I whisper against her neck, “you have class in an hour.”

Her body stiffens, and she bolts upright, her body jarring into my face.

I put my hand over my nose. “Ow,” I say, but it doesn’t hurt.

Nothing could hurt me in the state I’m in. It’s as if I have opium pumping through my veins.

“It’s Thursday.” Her voice thick with sleep. “Your political theory class is before mine.”

“I missed it,” I say.

Her expression changes from sleepy to incredulous. “You missed a class?”

I smile at her shock. “It was just a Q and A session for an exam.”

She continues to frown at me. “You ditched?”

“I lost my virginity last night. Isn’t that even more out of character for me than skipping a single class?”

Her eyes grow unfocused, as if she’s drifting into a daze. “It is,” she mutters. “Do you feel terrible?”

“No,” I say immediately. “I feel great.”

She blinks several times, and I stroke the soft strands of hair at her temple. I stare into her stormy-gray eyes, wishing she could see my soul in mine. I want her to know how much I meant what I said.

I don’t regret what I did. It’s up to God now. I’m playing chicken with him. It’s his turn to strike back. He has to fill my heart with guilt before I’ll give this up.

He will, eventually. It’s inevitable.

But for now, I’m giving in to bliss.

“Why don’t you skip class?” I ask. “Let’s go do something.”

A saucy smile tugs at her lips. “Does it involve a bed?”

My gut clenches as I press a soft kiss against her jawline. “Later. I don’t want to wear you out. Let’s go to the beach or something. I’ll need you fully recovered before tonight.”

She’s quiet for a long while. Her gray eyes darting back and forth as if she’s lost in thought. “Ethan…”

“What?” I ask, anxiety gripping my chest.

“Last night was magical,” she says, “but I’m worried about you.”

I release the breath I was holding. “Why are you worried about me?”

She lifts her hand and strokes my hair, and I lean into the touch. “This isn’t like you,” she says. “You’ve had women throwing themselves at you for years. I’ve seen it at parties. You’ve never seemed to have any trouble…keeping your chastity pledge. You threw it all away for me, and now you don’t feel bad about it?”

Because I’m falling for you, Lily.

Fuck, I can’t say it, even though I’m dying to know if she feels the same way. I can’t make any declarations that might promise a future. It sure feels like God abandoned me today, but what if he fills my heart with guilt tomorrow?

I’m lost at sea, my faith as elusive as the stars behind the clouds.

And I can’t bring myself to care.

I poke the tip of her nose with my finger. She has such a cute nose, just like the rest of her. “I don’t know why I don’t feel bad,” I say, “but I’m living in the moment for once. Something that’s easy for my sassy girl, so can you indulge me?”

“Yes,” she mutters. “For now.”

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