Page 53 of Sin

She glances at her phone and winces. “I need to head to the front of the sorority house. He’s picking me up there since I didn’t want… You know, to have him think I live in a frat house.”

My smile feels like more of a grimace. “Which you do. In my bedroom.”

She narrows her eyes, looking puzzled. Maybe she heard the dark possessiveness in my voice. But if she has a question, she doesn’t ask. She walks to the door, and a wave of panic rises within me like a growing tide.

This feels like a final goodbye, like after this date, she’ll be forever lost to me.

The dam breaks. A flood of smothering fear makes the words rise to my tongue as if of their own will.

“Lily, don’t go.”

It’s a plea to give herself to me, if only for tonight.

Where is my faith? Where is my commitment to my future wife? They’ve drifted away like a half-remembered dream, slipping farther from my grasp each time I reach for them.

“What?” she asks with her back to me.

“Don’t go.” The words are a rasp. “Please.”

She turns around, her eyes wide. “I already asked you if I should go. You said yes. You even told me you were proud of me.”

I shut my eyes tightly. “Why did you ask me?”

She inhales a sharp breath. “I don’t know. I guess because I was trying to understand you. You kissed me weeks ago and promised it would never happen again. Then you kissed me again last night. What does it mean? Were they both mistakes?” She crosses her arms over her chest. “If you want me to cancel my date, you need to give me a damn good reason.”

I shatter inside, splitting into two people. One is full of a dark, aching need, desperate to keep her close, to make her mine in every possible way. The other is furious with the inconstancy she pointed out, that my integrity has seemed to slip through my fingers.

My body and my soul call out for her, but my will is stronger. I’ve proved that, haven’t I? I’ve denied myself so many pleasures over the years, all in service to my faith.

But what has my faith ever given me? Nothing but a rote, lifeless existence.

My resolve crumbles like dry earth under the sun. Years of self-control flow out of me in a rush, and a radiant warmth spreads through my veins.

I close the distance between us in two long strides. My hands find the soft curves of her arms, and I yank her against me.

The kiss is not gentle. It’s a storm unleashed. My tongue rubs against hers in a frenzy as I explore the depths of her mouth. My hands roam down her hips, pulling her against me. She moans against my lips, sending a surge of electricity from my gut to the tips of my fingers and toes.

She breaks the kiss suddenly and stares up into my eyes.

My knees buckle. I steady myself and rest my chin on the top of her head. “Stay with me,” I murmur. “For the night.”

Her breathing is unsteady, but not as ragged as mine. I sense the hesitation in her, the indecision.

“What do you mean, Ethan?”

“Stay with me.” My throat catches. “In my bed. Our bed.”

She grows utterly still, her chest rising and falling in shallow breaths. “You say it’s our bed, but you didn’t share it with me last night.”

“I wanted to.” I lift my hand and stroke her cheek. “And I want to now. More than anything.” I flinch. “Shit.”

What am I doing? I’m practically begging her to sleep with me when I’m not sure if she’s ready for such a big step after what Mason did? “Sorry, I’m not thinking straight. I only want you to stay with me if it’s what you want. If you’re ready.”

“I am ready.” She lifts her hand to my face, and I close my eyes at her touch, leaning into her warmth. “But are you? If you mean what I think you do…you’d be sinning.”

“It might be a sin,” I say. “But I want to do it anyway.”

Her eyes grow hooded. She lifts onto her toes and presses a soft kiss on my lips. “Alright then. I’ll stay.”

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