Page 12 of Sin

My tennis shoes pound against the pavement. I’m probably killing my knees, and my posture is atrocious. If Coach Rodriguez saw me now, he’d be appalled. This was supposed to be my endurance run, so why am I furiously sprinting?

It’s almost like I’m trying to work thoughts of Lily out of my body.

I have my first appointment with her tonight, and I’ve thought about nothing else these last three days. I’ve barely been able to focus on football, school, or church.

This is insanity.

Where are you, God? I’ve asked you again and again to take away this strange new obsession with Lily.

I’ve never felt God, and that’s the problem. Something must be broken inside me. I’m more disciplined in my faith than even Brandon, and he’s a pastor. I read my Bible every night and never miss church. I always volunteer for community outreach projects, even when my schedule is nearly maxed out with football and school.

And yet God never speaks to me. I talk to him all the time, but I never hear his voice, never see signs in the world—no shivers down my spine or bursts of sunlight breaking through the clouds.

The most heavenly experience I’ve ever had was kissing a girl with stormy-gray eyes and plump pink mouth.

“Hey, Ethan!” A voice slices through my blasphemous thoughts.

When I look over my shoulder, Kinsley is behind me, sprinting in my direction. I slow my pace to a jog.

“Mind if I run with you for a bit?” she asks as she catches up to me. “You’ll have to slow way down, Number Forty-Four.”

I force a smile. “Sure.”

The truth is I’d much rather be alone. Kinsley might be my church friend, but she’s much closer to Lily. I can’t look at her without thinking of Lily.

As if I even need a reminder when she hasn’t left my damn head in three days.

Kinsley and I fall into a rhythm side by side. “Bible study was interesting last week,” Kinsley says after a while.

I frown. “You mean Emma and Dylan’s engagement?”

She hums in agreement. “Emma is nineteen. She still lives with her parents. It’s insane to me that they both think they’re old enough to get married. My biggest struggle with being a Christian in college is that I didn’t come here to get my MRS degree. I don’t relate to those who did.”

“You’re not alone. I have no plans to get married any time soon.”

“Really? That kind of surprises me because—” She pauses. “Shit. I was about to say something really inappropriate. Ignore me.”

I turn to her and smile. “You were about to say you’re surprised because I’m planning to stay a virgin until marriage. It’s okay. I know it’s weird. Even my brother thinks I’m too traditional.”

She grins. “I still can’t believe Brandon—the hot pastor of Santa Barbara—is your brother. It’s like having two celebrities in one family.”

I chuckle, trying to hide my discomfort. Somehow, even after over three years of being on the Hawks, I’m still not accustomed to the spotlight and attention that comes with it. It’s especially unsettling that now—after the scouts started attending our games—I’m even more widely known than Brandon.

Seeing myself on a TV screen for the first time was surreal, and not in a good way. I can’t relax knowing that any mistake I make is under the examination of people who don’t even know me. I strive to never make mistakes in the first place, but no one is perfect. I’d hate to let down people who look up to me, and now that I have national attention, that pool of people has grown significantly.

“So I wanted to talk to you…” Kinsley says.

Something about the hesitance in her voice makes my skin grow prickly. Is it possible that she witnessed my kiss with Lily? That light did go on in Lily’s bedroom shortly afterward. It could have been Kinsley, and she would have had a perfect view of us.

“Okay…” I murmur.

“This might seem like an awkward question, but are you close with Mason?”

“No,” I say immediately, relief coursing through my veins. “He’s not one of my favorite people.”

When I glance her way, she’s nodding slowly. “Good, because I have to ask you an uncomfortable question. I’m overstepping by even talking to you. Lily told me nothing about why they broke up, and she’d be pissed if she knew that I went to you for information, but I don’t know what else to do. Lily barely talks to me anymore, and she’s been different since they broke up. I wonder if he did something to her…” She shuts her eyes for a moment as she shakes her head. “My suspicions are probably crazy. I don’t know if I should even voice them.”

The hairs on my arms stand up. I halt my step and turn to Kinsley, who also comes to a stop. When I search her face, my anxiety only grows. She looks deeply troubled.

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