Page 35 of Revenge Cake

“You’re right,” I begin, amused by her evasiveness. “I’m not particularly bothered by you. I love you actually, as I’ve told you many times. And I think you just tried to say that you love me too. Except you buried it in that long…way too long explanation of…I’m not really sure what. Oh, and I’m in the same category as Showgirls, apparently.”

Her eyes fixed on my shoulder, she gives me a small smile. “High praise.”

I exhale a shaky breath, caught on the frustrating verge between disappointment and euphoria. “I’m not letting you off the hook here.”

As if recognizing her position of power for the first time, she smiles coyly up at me. “What else needs to be said?”

“A lot more than ‘like you for example.’”

“I made it clear enough.”

“I know you won’t make me ask you to say it. You can’t be that much of an asshole.”

She grins. “Are you sure about that?”

“Oh my god! Fucking say it, Girard.”

She stares at me for a moment, that playful smile fixed on her face, but then her expression begins to soften. I hold my breath waiting for her to say the words, my stomach rolling over in anticipation.

“I love you, Logan.”

I shut my eyes, taking in her words over and over again. I love you. I love you. I love you. An electrical current flows through my body—so powerful that I feel almost lightheaded. But when the wave of euphoria recedes, I’m left with something stronger in its wake. Certainty.

This is it. It’s her. It will only ever be her. Even if it doesn’t work out between us. Even if she rejects me someday. For me, it will only ever be her.

I open my eyes and give her a hard stare. “I want to move with you after college.”

In a flash, her tender expression transforms into what looks like shock. “What now?”

“If you get into University of Chicago or Indiana or wherever, I want to come with you.”

“It seems a little precipitous after six months—”

“No it’s not. I’m not even totally sure what precipitous means, but I know that I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life. I’ve never felt this strongly before about anyone.”

“Love isn’t just about feelings. And it’s very like you to have strong feelings about this kind of thing, but it doesn’t mean—”

“Oh. Fuck. No. It’s not fair for you to always throw my past in my face. This is different. I’ve never told a girl I want to follow her to graduate school before—”

“Because it’s crazy!”

“I disagree.”

“What about your own career? You’re basing one of the most important decisions of your life on a girl you kind of like.”

“Haven’t we just been through the fact that I more than kind of like you? And we must have different priorities, because I consider you more important than my career.”

Her lips part before closing again. Brown unfocused eyes drift over the ceiling. It looks like I’ve stunned her. I bite the inside of my lip while I wait for what she’s going to say next.

“What about Armaan?” she eventually asks. “What about your plan to travel together for a year?”

I make a deep snorting sound at the back of my throat. “That’s never going to happen. That was his mom’s ploy to get his GPA up to a 3.0, which is a mathematical impossibility at this point. Besides, if I’m going to travel Europe, I’d rather do it with you. We could spend a summer backpacking and do the whole hostel thing. It would be cheaper, and you wouldn’t even have to take a break from school.”

Her eyes lose focus again. She looks torn by indecision, and I can barely take a breath wondering what is going on inside her head. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation,” she mumbles, but without any disdain. She almost sounds like she’s talking to herself, like she’s stunned by her own participation in this conversation—the fact that she’s even willing to think about all of this without trying to pull away.

“Sometimes you just know when it’s right.”

When she glances at me warily, I realize it was the wrong thing to say. She doesn’t like that I rely on my gut instincts. She’s much more cerebral in her decision making. “We get along really well on a day-to-day basis,” I say, in an effort to be more pragmatic. “People romanticize long-term relationships, but that’s all they really are—being with someone day after day and not wanting to kill them.”

---