“I can’t spend another second talking about her. Even thinking about her. I’ll go crazy. She was awful tonight. She was so…” My voice chokes. With effort, I smooth out my speech. “Heartless. She won’t even consider forgiving me.”
Keira places indignant hands on her hips. “Forgive you? For what?”
I swallow, feeling the first pang of guilt since I left Lani’s house. “She knows about the night we kissed.”
Her eyes fill with horror. “You told her?”
“No.” A laugh escapes my throat when I think about my colossally bad luck. Of all the times to have butt-dialed her. Before I know it my shoulders are shaking. Keira looks puzzled, but she doesn’t say anything. “No, I didn’t tell her,” is all I say. “But like I said, I don’t want to talk about her.”
I lock my eyes on hers. It takes a moment before she seems to understand what I came here for. When I reach my arms out to her, she halts me with her own. “Logan…” Her voice is gentle. “You’re a wreck right now. This isn’t what you need.”
I take a step back, making sure she understands I have no intention of pressing her. “It might not be what I need, but it’s what I want. But if it’s not what you want, I’ll go home.”
She hesitates. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
There’s a wealth of meaning in her words. You know this isn’t the first time I’ve thought about this. You know I’ve wanted this for months.
“Then why should we wait? I’m not in a relationship anymore.” A twisted smile rises to my lips. “Lani even told me I should be with you. She said it would be her amends to me.”
Keira scowls. “That’s passive aggression if I’ve ever heard it. She is something else.”
“I don’t want to talk about her anymore. I don’t even want to think about her.” My eyes roam her face. “I only want to think about you.”
That finally gets her, thank god. I watch the tiny little notch at her throat rise and fall. Her eyes are glazed. I take another step toward her. She stares at me, searching my face. The slight sway of her body towards mine is all the answer I need. I grab her by the shoulders.
Before plunging in, I stare down into her eyes. They’re heavy-lidded now. For all her hesitation, she wants this just as much as I do. This is just like that night.
A chill runs down my spine.
This is just like that night.
I even feel the same. This ache in my chest. My mouth nearly watering at just the thought of easing it for one brief moment.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, but I can hear in her voice that she already knows.
“What am I doing?” It’s not a rhetorical question. What the fuck am I doing right now? How am I doing this again? Am I really this stupid?
She exhales heavily before placing her hands on my shoulders and pushing me away. She turns her back to me, as if to gather herself.
I run both hands through my hair. “Seriously, Keira, what the fuck am I doing? I love her! I want to get her back. Why am I here?”
I see her chest expand and contract as she takes a deep breath. “You want to feel better.”
“Am I that fucked in the head?”
“No, you’re just selfish.”
God, she’s right. Why the fuck didn’t I think about her feelings? Why did I think it was okay to come here for a please-make-me-feel-better fuck when I had no intention of being with her afterwards?
I stare absently into the gray carpet under my feet. “I think I do this a lot.”
“Yep, I’m sure you do. I think it probably explains our entire friendship.”
My head darts up, and I see her hard blue eyes staring back at me, her jaw clenched.
“Oh god, Keira, no!” I can’t let her think that. “That’s not what I meant. Seriously, your friendship means the world to me.”
Her small smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “Just what every girl wants to hear after she’s been rejected.”