Page 30 of Revenge Cake

Silence fills the table again, and this time I try not to let it bother me. What do I care what these people think anyway? My relationship with Logan is destined to fail.

Though that thought isn’t nearly as palatable as it once was.

Not wanting to see Helen’s face—or anyone’s for that matter—I keep my eyes fixed on the wine glass in front of me. My ears are drawn to a quiet snorting sound, which I assume is Lauren’s barely concealed laughter.

“Well…” Helen starts after what feels like an eternity. Her icy tone makes me nervous, but I try to be brave. I brought this on myself. I lift my eyes to meet hers squarely. Though her expression is pleasant enough, I see steel in her eyes. “When I was your age, I said a lot of things like that too. ‘When I have kids, I’ll never do this…’ But when you actually have kids, you realize it’s much harder than you ever expected. Being a mom is the most rewarding job I’ve ever had, but it’s also the most challenging, and the least glamorous. If you become a mom someday, you’ll find that no one ever notices the things you do right. John, on the other hand, would get praised to high heaven for doing even the simplest job, like changing a diaper. As a woman, you have to be the one to give yourself grace for your mistakes, because no one else will. Especially not your children.” With that she sends a pointed but somewhat cheeky look at Lauren.

I nod slowly, my face growing hot with shame. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Logan probably hates me right now, but I don’t dare look in his direction.

“You’re right,” I say when I feel like I have my voice. “I have no idea what it’s like to be a parent. What I said was rude—and anti-feminist, now that I think about it. I apologize. Logan should have warned you that I have no social skills.”

“It’s alright,” Helen says, her tone notably softened. “You were defending Logan. You love my son. That’s all any mom wants.” With that she smiles. I smile back, though it takes effort.

This dinner can’t end soon enough.

When I feel a pinch on my thigh, I realize that Logan is warning me to keep my mouth shut, and I can’t believe he thinks I’d be so petty as to correct Helen’s assumption that I love him.

But my own assumption is dispelled as soon as I look at his face. I’m arrested by what I see. There’s so much love in his eyes I can almost feel it, like the warm morning sunlight that stirs you from sleep.

“Thank you,” he mouths, before leaning in and pressing his lips against mine.

***

“Oh my god!” Lauren exclaims as we walk into the bathroom.

She stood up abruptly a few minutes ago and asked me to come with her. Logan warned her not to stay in here too long, clearly anxious about what stories she might tell me.

“Isn’t my mom a delight?” she asks.

“She’s not as bad as I expected, actually.”

“You were a-mazing! Seriously, Logan didn’t build you up enough. I love how you were like, ‘Shut the fuck up, Helen. No wants to hear your god damn stupid stories about Logan’s non-existent modeling career or about what a shitty mom you were using headphones to ignore you kids.’ You are my hero. Seriously.”

“It has nothing to do with heroism and everything to do with my lack of social skills. Trust me. And what your mom said was actually very true. I have no idea what it’s like to be a parent, so I have no right to be judgmental.”

Lauren waves me off as she steps into a bathroom stall. “Oh, she’s so good at doing that—switching from bitch mode to Perfectly Reasonable Helen. Don’t let it fool you. She’s one of those people who will go from being your friend to being a dictator like that.” I hear the snapping of fingers. “Like, literally she could end this night so furious with me that she threatens to kick me out of the house. She’d dump me off here with you and Logan and have my dad drive her wined-out ass home. That’s how unpredictable she is.”

My eyes widen. “Really?”

“Oh, yeah. Kicking me out of the house or taking my daughter away are daily threats, and for Logan the threat is his college tuition. One time she needed a date for a wedding because my dad was out of town and Logan refused to come home from Santa Barbara for the weekend—because he had a final, by the way—so she literally threatened to stop paying his tuition and rent.”

My jaw drops. “You can’t be serious. That’s psychotic.”

“Yes! But then she’ll switch to Reasonable Helen and make it seems like she’s not psychotic. She’ll say, ‘You know Dad and I want you to learn life skills,’ or some bullshit like that.” The toilet flushes and Lauren emerges from the stall, still buttoning and zipping her jeans as she walks to the sink. “Poor Logan too. You know she’s the reason he always has a girlfriend.”

I freeze at the offhand statement. Sweat starts to break out in my armpits and on my forehead. Lauren doesn’t seem to sense my unease as she continues to talk while she washes her hands. “It’s so sad. I’m sure you’ve noticed he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to his feelings. Most men aren’t, but Logan’s such a softy, you know?” She pouts her lips as she grabs paper towels from the silver wall mount. “He’s on an eternal quest for love. That’s what happens when you have a mom who makes you earn her love by bowing down to her.”

My face feels like it’s drained of blood. My mouth has gone dry. The words earn her love play over and over again in my mind.

“Oh my god!” Lauren releases a loud cackle that grates on my nerves in my present turmoil. I think I might have even flinched. “Logan would hate me for telling you this! I promise you he’s the absolute best. He’s so kind and such a good listener. He’s, like, probably my best friend…”

She continues to gush about Logan’s good qualities, as if I needed to hear them. I force a smile, but I’m too sick with self-loathing to really listen, wondering what I could possibly do to fix this.

***

Logan

Lauren told her something. I know she did. Lani barely said a word at dinner after they came back from the bathroom, and she’s been completely silent since we started our drive home.

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