Page 80 of Sugar

He was tired of denying it.

“Sugar. Juno,” he amended. It felt right to use his name for this because the confession was burning on his tongue, and he couldn’t hold it back any longer. He picked up Juno’s hands between his and sent a prayer into the cosmos that this wouldn’t go badly.

He licked his lips.

Juno’s fingers began to tremble.

“I’m falling in love with you.” The words were loud in the silence that sat between them. They pierced the air, almost startling. And then they hung there.

Piper had never been so aware of his own heartbeat, or the breath in his lungs, or the blood in his veins. He desperately wanted to ask Juno to say something—anything—but he didn’t.

Juno’s eyes closed slowly, and he took a shuffling step forward, close enough their hips touched. Their hands rested, still clasped, at the height of their hearts. Then his thumb dragged over Piper’s knuckles—a soft, slow, steady touch.

He wanted to laugh. Or maybe cry. He’d never felt so much in his entire life. And waiting for Juno to say anything at all was torture.

“No one’s ever said that to me before,” Juno whispered.

“I’m sorry if it’s too much.”

Juno laughed, the sound a little watery as he shook his head. He looked up at Piper and dislodged one of his hands, touching the side of his jaw. “When I was thirteen, I was with a family for a really short time. They ran a series of ice cream stores. We had to work there.”

Piper felt white-hot rage rising in his gut. “You were so young.”

Juno laughed. “We got paid a dollar an hour. To me, that felt like so much money, and I was happy to do it. I’ve always liked working. But I was so angry back then—so stubborn. I was always in trouble. The man—his name was Dan, and he used to get so pissed when I wouldn’t call him Dad—he shoved me into a wall one day when I wouldn’t decorate the display the way he wanted. He told me that my smart mouth and shitty attitude was why no one would ever love me. He said it was why I kept getting dumped by foster families and that one day I’d wake up and realize that what he was saying was the truth.”

“Juno…”

“I didn’t start believing him until I was nineteen and I couldn’t make any relationships last. Oliver had fucked off to the other side of the country, Miles was still too young to get out. I was too dumb for college, so I was on my own, and I realized no one ever really stuck around. I was too complicated for the friends I made, and guys didn’t want to date a mess. I thought maybe he was right.”

“He wasn’t.”

Juno shrugged. “Up to that point, the only people who have ever loved me are the ones who grew up as fucked-up as I did. I thought maybe it would be fine if we just loved each other. I thought it would be enough.” He licked his lips. “Then I met you, and I wanted you to love me so fucking badly. And, of course, you came into my life at the worst possible moment.” He laughed again and shook his head before looking back up at Piper and searching his face. “Am I dreaming? I’ve had one like this a few times.”

Piper felt his eyes crinkle in the corners as he smiled. “Exactly like this?”

Juno scoffed and shoved him a little. “No. Different. This is better as long as you promise it’s not all in my head.”

Piper grabbed his chin and kissed him deeply, pouring every ounce of what he was feeling into it. Juno groaned and arched against his body. “Does that feel like it does in your dreams?”

“No.”

Piper pulled back. “Then I promise you. It’s not in your head.”

Juno nodded and bit his lip. “I’m…I feel…” He swallowed thickly.

“If you’re not ready to say it?—”

“I am ready. Jesus, I’ve felt this way for so long, but I’m scared I’m going to jinx it. Like, you know the curse when couples get matching tattoos or…I don’t know…go to IKEA for the first time? Then, three weeks later, it’s over?”

“Tattoos and IKEA break relationships that were already full of cracks,” Piper said. He actually didn’t know if that was true. He had no ink, and he’d never set foot in a Swedish furniture store. But he didn’t believe in curses. He believed in what he felt for Juno.

He’d never been in love before, that was true. So maybe he wouldn’t truly know how to recognize the signs. But he’d lived long enough to know the feeling of not wanting to live without someone. And Juno’s name was engraved on his soul.

“I want to be irrational and make you promise you’ll never leave me, but that doesn’t feel right.”

Piper smiled at him again. “How about this—so long as I have faith that you want me, I promise I will never stop fighting to keep you.”

“I’ll take it.” Juno pressed fully into Piper, wrapping his arms around his middle, kissing him until they were both breathless. They broke apart with slow, careful pecks, and then Juno knocked his forehead against Piper’s and stayed there. He was a blurry, one-eyed mess that close, and God, Piper loved him so much. A beat passed, and then two before Juno finally spoke again. And he closed his eyes when he did it. “I’m tired. And I want to go home. And…I love you.”

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