Page 69 of Sugar

“I’m okay.” Juno’s voice was sleep-thick and rough, but he didn’t sound upset. “I was dreaming about you.”

Piper glanced over at him. “A good dream?”

To Piper’s horror, he shook his head. “You left me on the side of the road. And you were driving really slow, but my body was doing that thing, you know? In dreams?”

“Where it feels like you’re running on sand?” Piper offered.

“Yeah. And I was shouting your name and begging you to come back, but you just kept going.”

“I won’t.”

Juno laughed. “Oh, honey. I know that. My therapist and I talked about shit like this years ago. It’s my subconscious dealing with my fears. For a while, it was so bad we both thought I might have BPD. I’m kind of surprised I don’t, actually.”

“I don’t know what that is,” Piper admitted.

“Borderline Personality Disorder,” Juno said. “Tends to happen to guys like me who go through what I did. I relate with people who have it. I can get super irrational if I’m afraid that things are going to fall apart. But I was able to control those compulsions on my own, and I cope a little better than I did when I was younger. Now, it tends to manifest at night when I’m asleep.”

“What can I do?”

“Your kisses help,” Juno said.

“They’re all yours.”

They fell into an easier silence as Piper continued driving, and after twenty minutes, the road curved, and the road opened up. He could see them there. The lights. They were thick greens dancing in waves along the skyline. He knew it wasn’t as intense or profound as people saw them in Scandinavia, but they were enough.

They rolled and waved gently and slowly, and while he understood the science behind it, that ceased to matter as he pulled onto a dirt road and eventually to a little pullout. The lake was in the distance, and the sky was opened brightly to them.

“I see it,” Juno whispered.

Piper hadn’t realized how badly he needed to hear those words. He had no idea how far gone Juno’s eyes were now, and he knew he’d need to ask. But for now, this was enough. He climbed out of the car and walked around to Juno’s side, offering his hand after he opened the door.

Juno took it, and the pair of them crawled carefully onto the hood of the car. Juno lay back against the glass, and Piper followed him, curling in close while keeping his face tilted toward the stars.

“It looks like magic,” Juno whispered after a long forever.

Piper picked up his hand and kissed his knuckles. “It is magic.”

“Is that your scientific opinion?”

Piper grinned at him and gently toyed with the tips of his fingers. “It is. My extremely educated, doctoral scientific opinion.”

“Are you a doctor?” Juno asked.

Piper laughed. “Yes, I am a doctor of astrophysics.”

Juno sat up, taking his eyes off the sky, fixing his gaze on Piper. “Shouldn’t you be a fancy professor in some university lab with a bow tie and a vest and briefcase, getting kids excited about space and shit?”

“I wasn’t meant for the classroom,” Piper told him. In truth, he didn’t know what he was meant for. He’d always followed the path that seemed most logical. Being with Juno was the most reckless thing he’d ever done, and he wanted to keep being reckless. He was done doing what people expected of him. “I’m happy with how I am now.”

Juno eased back down, laying his head against Piper’s chest. He lifted a hand and traced the wavy shape of the green lights. “Is this your first time out here?”

“Yes,” Piper told him. He leaned down and nosed along Juno’s curls. “I’m glad it’s with you.” Piper knew he didn’t have a lot of firsts left in his life, so he planned to hoard all the ones he had with the man in his arms. “Was it worth it?”

“All of this has been worth it.”

Piper almost asked him then about his eyes, but the moment felt precious. It was tender and quiet and good. He wasn’t going to ruin that. There was time to talk later. They had a long road ahead, and his brother’s wedding next. And then they’d be going back home where real life was going to hit them whether they liked it or not.

“My brother wants to see me,” Juno said, his voice so soft it was almost a whisper.

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