Page 34 of Sugar

Rolling his eyes, Juno smacked him lightly on the chest. “No. Burritos are my comfort food. What do you like?”

“There’s a spot by the water that’s nice. It’s kind of bar food—nothing fancy. But it has a really nice view and a good spot to walk after we’re done.” The restaurant also wasn’t expensive, which was the only reason he’d agree to it. He knew Juno wouldn’t offer if it was going to put him out, and Piper understood pride well enough.

He had a feeling his yes was going to mean the world to the younger man.

And it was easy to give.

“It’s a date.” Juno froze, then bit his lip and looked him in the eye. “Is that okay?”

Piper felt a zing up his spine. “A real date?”

“I’m still not ready to put labels on anything, but you’ve been wooing the crap out of me since we met. I think I’d like for it to be a date.”

Piper closed his eyes in a long, slow blink. “Me too.” His voice was rough, and he felt Juno tense up.

“Am I doing this all wrong?”

“No,” Piper said in a rush. He tightened his arms around Juno. “No, sugar. This is all me. I didn’t…I was in the closet for a long, long time. I mean, most of my young adult life. I had flings, but I didn’t have time to ever court something serious. And when I did have time, I was older and dealing with the unknowns about my heart.”

“So you’ve never been in love?” Juno asked.

He reached a hand up and traced a line from Juno’s temple to his chin. He wanted to say yes, that if he wasn’t in love now, he was certainly on his way there, but he didn’t. That wasn’t fair to Juno, who was so, so reluctant to accept the pieces and shards of affection Piper was allowed to give him.

“I’ve never been in love. I’ve always been afraid I wouldn’t recognize it when it hit me and I’d lose my chance.”

Juno’s mouth opened, then closed. He swallowed heavily, then laid his head back down. “I get that. Not to give the whole big orphan sob story, but I had a pretty fucked-up idea about what love was. I didn’t have the fairy-tale ending. No one did. Even the people I knew who got adopted—most of the time, it was because the parents got a nice, fat monthly stipend. It was never about love.”

Piper stroked a hand down Juno’s back.

“I wanted kids for a really long time because I wanted to love and spoil the fuck out of them,” Juno went on. “Which I learned was a really ridiculous reason to have kids.”

“I don’t think having kids to love them is ridiculous.”

Juno laughed softly. “No. Having kids to fix this broken thing inside you is, though. That’s way too much pressure. My therapist helped me realize that I’m not at a place I’d be able to accept when my kids would be shitty to me. Kids who love their parents are still mean. They say hurtful things. They genuinely hate them sometimes. That would break me.”

Piper kissed the top of his head. “I understand.”

“Does that make us incompatible?”

Blinking in surprise, Piper laughed. “The kids thing? Babe, I already did the whole parent thing. Phoenix is my brother, but I took care of him more than our parents ever did. I wouldn’t say no, if you changed your mind in the future, but it’s not a deal breaker for me either way.”

Juno relaxed into his hold. “I think Oliver’s going to be a dad someday. He says he’s not. Victor thinks he’s too old, which is silly. Once they get tired of fucking each other’s brains out every time they’re in the same room together, I think they’ll want more.”

“You think they’ll get tired of that?”

Juno lifted his head, and he looked almost afraid. “I mean, yeah. But that’s the best part of falling in love, right? That sort of hysterical need to be as close as possible fades into something safe. Something comfortable. You stop worrying that they don’t want you if they don’t want to be inside you every second of every day. That’s the kind of love I’ve always dreamed of.”

Piper didn’t know what to say to that. His parents had barely tolerated each other, and most of his coworkers barely saw their spouses. His only real experience was watching Phoenix with Maddox, but they’d moved before their honeymoon phase was over.

Was that how it was for them now? Quiet? Calm?

Safe?

He hadn’t realized that was something he was craving until Juno said it. Piper still wanted him with a ferocity that surprised himself, but he could feel the tendrils of something more creeping in. He closed his eyes and pictured warm nights of just this—nothing else—and it was so, so good.

“Did I?—”

“No,” Piper said before Juno could ask if he’d said something wrong. “I get it, and I understand. That sounds like the dream.”

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