Page 32 of Sugar

He was afraid, but he was brave. He was scared of the future, but once he finally took Piper’s hand, he hadn’t let go. That had to mean something, right?

The door opened, and Piper jolted in his seat. He never knew if she should stand up or get on the exam table or present himself in some way. His doctor just smiled and took her seat on her rolling stool, her tablet in her lap.

It was weird. Piper had lived past the age of manilla-folder files and handwritten notes. He wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that.

“How are you feeling?”

“Nervous.”

The doctor laughed. “I’m sure, but you can relax. Everything looks good.”

Piper all but sagged back into his chair. “Seriously?”

“Your last EKG and angiogram look better than they were when you first got here. You’re probably never going to run marathons again?—”

“Bold of you to assume I ever did,” Piper said, and she burst into laughter.

“Fair enough. But you are healing.”

“So the bouts of tachycardia I’ve been having?”

She gave him a considering look. “Are they coming randomly? Or during stressful moments? During exertion?”

He opened his mouth to tell her they were random, but then he froze. In the last six months, the only time his heart had gone a little wild was during panic attacks. Sometimes he had vivid nightmares, and his pounding heart woke him. And the last had been when he and Juno were in bed together, and it had nothing to do with getting aroused. It had everything to do with his fear of what might happen should he come.

“Piper?”

“Can I have sex?” he blurted, then blushed, but he didn’t take it back. “I mean, I’m having trouble with sex. With getting aroused.”

“You mean maintaining an erection?” she clarified.

Yeah, that was more accurate because he was definitely getting hot and bothered. It just wasn’t reaching his dick. “I have a new partner, and I think I’ve been a little afraid to, you know, overdo it. And I was thinking about, ah, taking something for it, but I wasn’t sure I was allowed.”

“You’re not in heart failure,” she said with a small grin. “And Viagra hasn’t been known to affect your heart much, unless you have low blood pressure, but yours looks good.”

“So…”

“So, yes. I can write you a script if you’d like. Though you might want to see your GP about your issues.”

“I think they’re psychological,” he admitted, feeling a little foolish, but she probably heard stuff like this all the time. “I’m going on this long road trip with a…friend.” He wanted to call Juno something else, but even without him around, it felt wrong without his permission. “We planned to do some hiking and stuff. Do you think my heart can handle that?”

“And stuff?” she repeated with a tiny smile. “I think you’re perfectly safe as long as you’re not scaling any huge mountains. You do still need to be careful.”

“Nothing too strenuous,” he promised.

“Then you have my blessing.” She pulled out a little stylus and wrote something on the pad. “I’ll have the front desk call this in, and you’ll be able to pick it up this evening. I’m going to keep it the lowest dose for now, and if it’s not enough, call the office, and we can adjust it.”

He felt a sort of tingle at the base of his spine. He might be able to fuck Juno soon. His ears started to burn. “Thank you. Do I need to come back?”

“I don’t want to see your pretty face for at least six months,” she said with a wink, then stood and offered her hand. “I’m glad you made this much of a recovery.”

He wasn’t processing his relief just yet. He wanted to wait. He wanted to tell Juno and to celebrate with him. He wanted to let it sink in like a slow burn. He’d been expecting the worst news or, at best, middling news. He wasn’t sure how to accept that everything, so far, had gone right.

Piper checked out, then made his way to his car. The light seemed brighter suddenly, the wind cooler in spite of the summer heat weighted down with humidity. He felt…strange. Freer than he had in years. When he’d been discharged from his position as an astronaut, he’d been shackled by his health.

Now, while not entirely cured, he was better.

He was going to be okay.

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