Page 28 of Sugar

“I’m pretty sure that’s not how that saying goes.”

Juno scooped a crumbly spoonful of coffee cake from the pan and plopped it into the bowl. “I make my own rules. And you haven’t lived until you’ve had straight-out-of-the-oven coffee cake.” He grabbed the butter dish from the counter and put a pad in the center before handing it over with a fork.

“I trust you only because I’ve had your cakes, and you obviously know what you’re doing.”

Juno kissed him for that. “Good man. Now, go sit. We can start making our map. I have some other ideas that I want to add.” He stopped then and glanced down at his feet. He had several things he wanted to add, but he didn’t have the money to fund the trip for as far as he wanted to go.

“Sugar?”

Juno didn’t raise his eyes. He heard Piper cross the short distance between them. He heard the soft click of his bowl hitting the counter. He could see Piper’s toes—bare, a little hairy, nails neatly trimmed. They shuffled forward until they were touching Juno’s socked feet.

“Sugar,” Piper said, softer this time. He touched Juno’s side with a warm palm, brushing it upward, rounding along his ribs until he was pressing the heel of his hand to where Juno’s heart was beating. “Juno. Talk to me?”

Juno swallowed heavily. “There’s so much I want to do—that I want to see—but my life has sucked pretty much from birth, and I don’t have the freedom to just go.”

“You’re closing down your—oh.” Piper stopped abruptly, and Juno was pretty sure he got it. “Financial freedom.”

Juno hunched into himself, but Piper kept in close, scratching the tips of his fingers along Juno’s chest. It felt good. Too good. He felt like a cat with the urge to start purring and leaning into the touch.

“You don’t have to worry about that.”

Juno finally looked up. “I could never pay you back. I mean, even if I go viral online for my stupid bakes, it wouldn’t be enough. My lease is up next month, and I didn’t bother renewing it because it’s getting expensive there. And I have no idea what my income is going to be like because I don’t know how different it’ll be after all this.” He gestured angrily toward his eyes. “I can’t even get an answer about how bad it’s going to get, and I know that’s no one’s fault, but…” His voice cracked.

His eyes were hot with tears that refused to spill, and he felt like he was losing his mind with the pressing weight in his chest. It didn’t matter how much he raged, or screamed, or cried, or laughed, or accepted his fate. The feeling was there, and it wasn’t going away.

He was pinned to the tracks, and a train was coming right for him.

There was no one there to save him. There never would be. Not from this.

Piper cupped his cheek and held his gaze. “I don’t want to be paid back.”

Juno scoffed. “So you’d keep me like some kind of sugar baby? Sex for travel?”

“Stop.” For the first time since Juno had met him, Piper sounded angry. “When have I ever treated you like that?”

Juno pulled away and wrapped his arms around his middle. “It’s not even an insult, okay? My best friend was a sex worker for years. Paid all his bills, made really good money, met the love of his life. So the fact that you’d use it that way?—”

“That was you,” Piper said. His tone was sharp and unforgiving, and Juno felt a moment of both relief and panic. Relief because he knew he’d fuck up eventually, and at least he got it over with now rather than when they were on the road. And panic because Piper was the last person in the world Juno wanted to push away.

But it was better than waiting for it to fall apart later.

“You were the one who used it against me as an insult.”

He was right. Juno had thrown the words sugar baby at him to get a reaction—to shake him. And it had obviously worked. God, why was he like this?

A beat passed, and then Piper sighed and leaned back against the counter, arms crossed over his chest. He was a little pink in the cheeks, and Juno couldn’t help but wonder if it was from his heart or if he was just that angry.

“If you want to be my sugar baby—if that’s what’ll make it easier for you to accept my help—then we can do that. We can draw up a contract and leave that between us.”

Juno didn’t think there was anything wrong with sex work. At all. But the words hurt because he hadn’t wanted this to be transactional. His entire life already had been. Friendships always required him to give pieces of himself, and relationships had asked for even more.

“Is that what you want?”

Piper let out an angry laugh. “Are you serious?”

“No, just…” Juno threw up his arms and began to pace the kitchen, not sure how to process his feelings. He wanted this to be Piper’s fault because it was easier than shouldering the guilt that he’d been the one to torch this good thing. “I don’t understand why you’d do all this for me!”

Piper covered his face with his hand. “I supposed that’s part of your problem.”

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