Page 2 of Sugar

“No. Uh…just…what do you think will happen to me?”

“It’s hard to say,” the doctor answered. Those words infuriated Juno to the point he felt irrational. “As I said, it’s impossible to predict. Right now, I can tell you that you have about thirty percent of your visual field, but that’s less than the last time you were here, so it’s likely still progressing. As of today, your right eye shows no vision loss.”

“So there’s a chance my right eye might be fine?”

The silence was telling. Then the doctor said, “There’s a chance your right eye might be fine.”

That was probably the sugar Juno had been looking for at the beginning of the appointment. The lie was as bitter as the truth. “So what you can see with my case right now, what does that mean?”

“With the current progression of vision loss according to the optic nerve scan, you’re likely to lose quite a bit more central vision, and it’s very likely you will be colorblind.”

“So, not totally blind.”

“No,” the doctor said. Juno’s stomach felt like it was twisting in on itself. He wanted the fucker to get to the point. “As I said, you will retain your peripheral vision.”

Juno felt like he was losing his mind, and he knew he was being annoying, but he just didn’t understand. Maybe it was the shock. Or the denial. Or whatever the fuck he was feeling. “I don’t get it. I need more details. I need to know what’s going to happen to me.”

“I understand, but that’s all I can give you right now. You’ll need regular scans to measure your vision loss. The longer it progresses, the more we’ll know. The most I can do is hazard a guess as to what will happen. Which I will, but you must understand this is my professional opinion and not medical advice.”

Juno swallowed thickly, then nodded. Why not. It would either be better or worse than what he said, but at least there wouldn’t be any huge surprises. “Yeah. Let me have it.”

“My guess is that you’ll lose vision in both eyes.”

A blow, but Juno expected that.

“You’ll lose a significant enough portion of your central vision to register as legally blind. You’ll benefit from a white cane…”

“What about a guide dog?” Juno asked.

The doctor smiled. “Eventually, sure. Guide dog schools generally require proficiency in using a cane. You can do that with blind services here once your vision is severe enough to qualify. You likely won’t be able to read print—maybe large print, but it’ll depend on your eye fatigue. Audio will be your friend. Voice-over, screen readers…”

Juno’s ears began to ring, and he swallowed several times until he felt a clicking sensation. Fuck. He was panicking. “Okay, okay,” he breathed out.

“Mr. Roman, I am so sorry to deliver this news,” the doctor said. It was the first time he apologized during the meeting, and it sounded strange. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear that.

“I mean, you do this all the time, right? I’m just a statistic.”

“You’re a person, not a statistic. And I might do it all the time, but it never gets easier. It’s the worst part of my job. Please understand that you’re going to be angry. And sad. Scared, frustrated…every negative emotion you can think of.”

“What about denial? Because that sounds really nice right about now.”

The doctor laughed. “Denial is fine right now, but don’t let it lead you to doing anything stupid. Like driving a car when you really shouldn’t be.”

Fuck, he was going to lose his car. He was going to lose so much of his fucking independence. His hands began to shake.

“Do you have someone you can speak to about this? Friends or family?” the doctor asked quietly.

He did, but he didn’t. He wasn’t about to burden his friends with all this. Oliver was fresh off his honeymoon, and Miles was getting settled in his new relationship. He’d handle it until he wasn’t falling apart, and then he’d let them know.

“Yes,” he lied.

The doctor looked at him. “As for your job?”

“I own a bakery.”

The man perked up. “Easily done blind.”

Was it, though? Was it easily done blind? He’d already been struggling to make his rent, and if he had to take time to learn all this new tech and whatever else was coming his way, his shop was going to fall apart.

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