Page 38 of Tempt Me

“Hearing from you would likely help her.”

“I’ll call Austen and then rest for a while. I promise I’ll call you before bed.”

“Is staying at the farm what you truly want?”

“I’m scared to be away from Tack. He’s saved me twice. If we leave, I feel like he’ll be in more danger. That might change tomorrow. But for today, I need to stay here.”

“Okay, baby. I’ll trust Aunt Fred and the club to watch out for you.”

After we hang up, I nearly talk myself out of calling Austen. All these years, I’ve wished she could let go of what happened to us at her father’s ranch. Yet, now, after today, when people died because of me, I understand why she couldn’t move on. Her panic attacks were never as much about what was done to her as what those men did to me. For over a decade, she carried such terrible guilt. I think a part of her will never forgive herself.

Now, I’ve become the catalyst for suffering. My guilt wants to destroy me.

When Austen answers, she speaks in a quiet, reassuring tone, “I won’t ask if you’re okay. I saw the news. I know you aren’t okay, so I’ll ask if you need anything.”

“You sounded upset in the voicemail.”

“I didn’t know if you were alive when I called earlier. I was flipping out. Walla Walla helped calm me down. Everyone here at the Lodge is babying me tonight. That’s why I sound sane.”

“I’m not sure how to deal with these feelings. Not only the fear but the guilt. People died because of me. What do I do?”

“Do you really want to know or are you simply venting? Because it’s okay to vent.”

“I want the truth.”

“My advice is to feel the guilt and fear. Dive headfirst into the pain. I was so afraid to feel bad that I twisted myself into becoming someone else. I was in a constant state of mild panic over the very idea of feeling panic. Now, when I feel bad, I don’t hide from it. I face the pain, knowing it won’t kill me. Your fear over what happened today won’t kill you, either.”

Feeling too depressed to edit myself, I blurt out, “I never blamed you for what happened at your dad’s ranch.”

“I know, but I blamed myself. I was why we were there. I trusted them. I put you in that position. Of course, I didn’t make them do anything, but I still feel guilty. Just like you do right now.”

“I keep seeing Atticus dying.”

“After what happened at my father’s ranch, you clung to Mom and went everywhere she did. Even if you were in pain from your broken nose, you wouldn’t hide. I think that helped you. Meanwhile, I was afraid of my own shadow and hid from the world. I’ve only gotten better here in McMurdo Valley once I stopped hiding from what scared me. But you always knew to face your fears. Don’t let the guilt trick you into thinking differently now.”

“What if being here puts Tack and everyone else on the farm in danger?”

“Let them decide. You and I aren’t accustomed to this violent world. These people aren’t shrinking violets. They kept you alive today. Trust Tack to be square about what to do.”

Exhaling deeply, I tear up. “I’m afraid to leave this room.”

“I love you, Hunter. You’ve been through the wringer over the last few days, but you will survive this darkness. So, I want you to say you love me. Then, I want you to hang up and open the door. Go find Tack and stick close to him. Siobhan too. Don’t be alone. That’s not you.”

“I love you, Austen.”

“When I see you after this is all over, I expect lots of juicy gossip about Tack and you. Until then, go get a hug from your sexy biker.”

Smiling, I hang up the phone and do as my sister instructed. I force my ass to the door. Once I’m through it, I keep walking until I reach the porch, where Tack sits on the front swing with Siobhan and Indigo. They all look up when I appear. Siobhan jumps to her feet and hugs me.

“It’s going to be okay.”

Sniffling, I relax in Siobhan’s familiar embrace while looking over her shoulder at Tack. His temple is swollen from a bullet grazing his flesh. His blue eyes are relaxed. I see him searching my face for signs of my mood.

“I talked to Suzanne and Austen. They agree I should leave what happens next to you and the club.”

“You’ll stay here?” Siobhan asks and releases me before wanting another hug.

“Yes, as long as Tack and Aunt Fred think it’s safe. I want to avoid more people getting hurt.”

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