Page 44 of Dancing With Delusion

I sit on the floor beside Victoria, but she doesn’t move or look up. For a few minutes, I listen to light whimpers escape her and watch as her shoulders shake. Maybe she needs to let it all out.

“Look at me, Tori.” She ignores me, and I can’t say that I blame her. “Tori, please.” She turns her head to the side, and I note her eyes are already puffy. “You aren’t well right now, but it will get easier.” I place a stray hair that’s stuck to her tear-stained face behind her ear. “You just need to stay here until you’re more stable. I’m getting you the best care possible. If you still want to leave when this is all over, I’ll let you walk away.” My heart stammers in my chest at the words. I can never let her leave. Not now.

She gives a slight nod and closes her eyes. I stand, offering my hand out to her, and when she grabs it, I help her rise from the floor. I take the bag off the bed, kicking it underneath, then I pull the duvet aside for her to get into bed. “Get some rest. I’ll come check on you again soon.” I give her a gentle kiss on her head. “I love you, my krasota.” She doesn’t bother to reply.

Harriet answers on the second ring. I need to make sure this is all normal behaviour and if there is anything more I can do to make this easier on Victoria. The discovery of yet another note enrages me but also points out that she’s been suffering a lot longer than I’d realised. It also concerns me that she would go to such lengths to get my attention. It makes me question everything. Why doesn’t she realise I’m here to stay and these mind games aren’t needed.

“Mr. Volkov, is everything okay?” Harriet sounds concerned.

“I need to run something by you.”

“Of course, how can I help?”

“We found Victoria with another note, although this time, it appears she may have written it herself.” I almost feel like a prick for implying she’s responsible for them, but I can’t deny what we walked in on. “I suppose what I’m asking is, could this be a side effect of her illness?”

She takes a breath, and I can almost imagine her pinching the bridge of her nose like she does when she’s looking for the right words.

“Mr. Volkov, emotionally unstable personality disorders are very complex. It certainly isn’t a case of one behaviour fits all when it comes to those who are battling it. But what we have to remember is that Victoria has experienced a number of traumatic events, both in her childhood and her adult life.

“What she lacks is stability. She will behave and act out in certain ways as a form of self-sabotage. She doesn’t feel worthy of being loved or even liked very much. In the past, she’s only ever been noticed for poor behaviour patterns. So, yes, she is extremely likely to act impulsively and invent ways to gain more attention. This type of behaviour is very normal for her, and with the current PTSD from her brother’s situation, she may not even realise she’s partaking in these reckless and damaging patterns.”

I sigh. I was hoping she would tell me this wasn’t likely, even though deep down, I knew the truth. “So, where do we go from here?” I ask, almost dreading the answer.

“Well, firstly, it’s important to realise her medication will eventually get into her system and stabilise her erratic behaviour. Then we can start working on psychotherapy.”

I run my hands through my hair. This battle with Victoria is exhausting, and it’s going to be a long road. Longer than I’d anticipated. “Okay, thank you, Harriet. I’ll be in touch soon.” I cancel the call just as Nik knocks at my office door.

“What now, Nik?” I ask, sounding irritated.

He places his hands up in apology. “Just reminding you that you have the charity ball with your father this evening.”

I scrub my hands over my tired face. I completely forgot about it, and now, I need to wake Victoria, who’s clearly spiralling still. “I need to wake, Victoria,” I murmur, more to myself than Nik.

“Boss, I don’t mean to speak out of place.” He waits a beat to see if I’ll interrupt him.

“Carry on,” I say as I drop into my office chair.

“I think it would be best if you leave Victoria here. You saw her. It would be like feeding her to the wolves and expecting her not to react.” I frown. He’s never shown any compassion for her before. Maybe he’s beginning to feel sorry for her.

“You’re right,” I agree, and I can’t help feeling slightly relieved. “You’ll stay here with her. Marshall is on a job, but he’ll be back later. I’ll take myself.” He groans out loud. “Problem, Nik?”

“No, Boss,” he mutters as he leaves my office.

It makes sense, I know it does. What hope would Victoria have in this fragile state being faced with Vivian and my father? And if she’s here with Nik, I know she’s in the safest place.

Tori

I stretch out. The room’s in complete darkness, which means I’ve slept the day away again. My mouth feels as dry as if I’d spent a night on the town drinking shots. My body aches, and I still feel tired, yet all I’ve done since I started the medication is sleep.

This afternoon’s memories come back to haunt me, and I sigh out loud. Yet another argument with Dmitry, and it breaks my heart. I love him more than life itself.

Maybe I am losing it. I don’t recall writing any of the letters, but I also know I haven’t been myself.

I roll over and bury my head into the pillow before screaming. I can’t think straight. Nothing makes sense anymore.

I lean over to the bedside table and grab my mobile to check the time. I notice a message from Dmitry.

Distraction: I have a business meeting this evening. I’ve left Nik to watch over you. I’ll be home soon, my krasota. Sleep well. D x

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