Page 93 of Cruel Steps

I cried, letting it all out. I was so sick of this. I just wanted it to be over. Maybe if I withdrew, she wouldn’t be able to expel me. It would suck to take a year off, but I could work full-time and save money and go somewhere else next year. It felt cowardly and like Hope still won, but at least it was a decision I could live with.

I stayed sitting against the stone for a while longer, soaking in the warmth and wishing my mom was here to brush my hair back and tell me it would all be okay. I missed her zest for life and how she always had a new way of thinking about something. Dad and I could cook together and do puzzles, honoring her, but the stuff I missed the most about Mom weren’t things we could replicate.

Wiping away the last of my tears, I pulled out my phone and texted Colter that I was headed to his apartment and that Holden was coming. I ignored the rest of the messages and notifications and kept my phone on Do Not Disturb.

Being a hermit and living in the woods had never sounded so enticing before. Wait, was that a Hobbit? Either way, I got the appeal.

Standing, I stretched out my muscles and turned from side to side. I caught a silhouette a hundred yards away and froze. I blinked, and when I looked again, the shape was gone.

Just my imagination.

Chills ran over me, and I rubbed my arms as I returned to my car. There still weren’t any other cars parked in the lot, and I sighed in relief. I scanned my car, anyway, but didn’t find anything left for me. I visited the grocery store and grabbed food for a few meals at Colter’s. His offer to let me stay was the escape I needed, but I didn’t want to impose on him any more than I already was, so the least I could do was make him some food.

Knocking on the door, I gasped when Holden was the one to open it. He eyed my bags, his jaw hitching, and I worried for a second he might shut the door in my face. We stared at one another in a stare-off until he finally stepped aside, and I entered.

“Mer!” Colter greeted, coming out of his room. He instantly moved when he saw my bags and took the food from me. “What’s all this?”

“I thought I’d make you dinner.” I flushed at his awe, wanting to do this more than ever.

“You’re the sweetest.” He stepped into me and kissed my lips. When he pulled back, he had the biggest grin on his face. “You hear that, Holden. Mer’s gonna make me dinner. It’s okay if you’re jealous.”

I blinked, remembering then that Holden was behind me. I took the food out of the bags and unloaded them.

“Didn’t realize you two were so… cozy.”

“Don’t be a dick, Hol. There’s still room if you pull your head out of your ass.”

“Whatever, man. I’m just here to listen to what she has to say, and then I’m gone, and you two can get back to your little make-believe.”

I tensed, my body locking up at his disdain. How was this the same guy I felt heart-eyes for a few days ago? A loud thump made me jump, and I turned to find Colter with Holden pressed to the wall.

“I get that you’re struggling with your need to protect right now, but it doesn’t mean you get free rein to be a dick. You’re my best friend, but if you keep acting like an asshole, then I might have to rethink that connotation.”

My heart rate sped up, and guilt churned in my belly. How many relationships would I destroy?

Holden took a few deep breaths, his nostrils flaring wide with each one until he nodded, and Colter let him go. I busied myself with the food, prepping it in the casserole dish I found. The two of them spoke low in the living room the whole time, and I kept looking, despite telling myself not to. I’d just finished the casserole and placed it in the oven when Holden approached.

His hands were in his pockets, and he looked resigned. “I’ve made a right mess of things, Wildcat. I’m sorry. I owe you more than that, but I still wanted to say it.” I nodded, but didn’t say anything. He sighed and crossed his arms. “I don’t like feeling out of control. It’s not an excuse, and I need to do better. Can I have that chance?”

I searched his face. I wanted to say yes, but something held me back. Football was everything to Holden, and I didn’t want to mess that up. In the beginning, the tension between us had been because of Hope. I’d been able to overlook it because the connection between us was so intense.

The recent pain between us was because we hadn’t trusted one another. I’d sent that article despite his wishes, and he hadn’t trusted me to handle my problems. I still stood by my decision, but I could’ve done it differently. Better maybe. And Holden had said a lot of things, cutting me deeper than his sister ever had. I wasn’t sure how to get back to the hot passion we had.

“The only thing I can offer right now is friendship. There’s been too many wounds for me to trust you right now.”

Holden’s jaw twitched, and I knew he was holding himself back. His eyes seared into me, and I fought the urge to look away. I would not back down.

“Okay.”

“How long until dinner?” Colter asked, breaking the intense mood.

“At least thirty minutes. I can fill you in on what’s going on while it’s cooking.”

Colter took my hand and pulled me into the living room. He pulled me down onto the couch, and Holden took the chair. They both stared at me, waiting for me to explain.

“After I met with Dean Adroit, I found Wolfie on the hood of my car.”

“Shit,” Colter cursed. “What did you do with it?”

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