Page 92 of Cruel Steps

“How did this get turned on me? I’m not trying to date anyone! My focus is football and football only.”

I knew that, but hearing it hurt more than I wanted to admit. But it was the reminder I needed. Holden might have claimed part of my heart, but he hadn’t earned it. I’d just been a warm body to fill his bed. Nothing more. Colter’s wishful thinking was only that—wishful.

“There’s one more thing before I go.” Hope and Holden stopped their bickering and looked at me. “Dean Adroit asked to meet with me today.”

“Shit,” Hope whispered, her eyes widening.

“So?” Holden looked between us, realizing he missed something. “I swear, someone better start talking!”

“There’s a zero-tolerance policy,” Hope whispered. Her uninjured hand clenched in the covers.

“She wants a name to expel that person and make an example out of them.”

“Refuse to tell her. You didn’t name anyone in the article, so it’s not like she knows,” Holden snapped. He crossed his arms and stared at me like I was dumb for not considering that option.

I knew he’d defend his sister, but hearing him stand up for her actions hurt.

A laugh expelled out of my lungs, the sound harsh and empty. “Sure, I’ll just do that. Oh, wait! If I don’t give her a name, then I’m expelled. Glad to know what side you’ll always be on,” I said bitterly. I turned to Hope and ignored Holden. “I don’t forgive you for what you did; you should be held accountable. I just don’t know if I could live with myself if you were expelled on top of this. It feels unnecessarily cruel. But I won’t be expelled.”

“There has to be another way. I know! Get your dad to buy your placement at another school,” Holden said.

I winced. Keeping my eyes on Hope, I pretended he wasn’t crushing my heart with each word he said.

“Add in the fact he’s back, and I don’t have the energy to deal with it all. It didn’t feel right to keep it from you, so I wanted to let you know.”

Hope nodded and swallowed. “You always were better than me. I’m sorry I wasn’t the friend you deserved, Emmy.”

I cringed. “Can we not use that?”

“Sorry. I really am shit. I’ve taken so much from you. I wouldn’t blame you for turning me in. I deserve it.”

Shrugging, I grabbed my bag and headed to the door, ignoring Holden. “It might make me weak, but I just want to be left alone to live my life. I’ll stay out of your way if you stay out of mine. I’ll let you know what I decide.”

“You can have your room back.”

I shook my head. “No. It will be better for you now, and I’m not planning to be at the house much.” I met Holden’s eyes for a brief second and then dropped them. “If you still want to know, I’ll meet you at Colter’s in a few hours.”

I didn’t want to hear his answer. I’d already been pummeled by him too much in the past twenty-four hours, and I needed a reprieve.

With quick steps, I took the stairs and pushed open the door to exit the hospital. My lungs constricted, and it felt like something heavy sat on my chest. I made it to my car, did a quick check that there hadn’t been anything left on it, and climbed in. Leaning my head on the steering wheel, I forced myself to count and focus on the air moving in and out of my lungs. I lifted my head when it no longer felt like my lungs would pop like a balloon.

I just felt like a deflated one.

Pulling out of the parking lot, I drove home and replayed everything in my head. I didn’t know how to feel anymore.

Hope had apologized. Sorta.

It didn’t wipe clean the scars, though. Not even close. Hating her was easy, but I was so tired of it. There had to be a way for me to get justice without blowing up either of our lives.

Pulling into the house, I took the back stairs and reached my room without running into anyone. I grabbed a suitcase and filled it with a week’s worth of clothes, shoes, and anything else I might need. I tossed in my pillow, Kindle, and laptop before zipping it closed. Glancing around the room, I saw nothing else I couldn’t live without for a week. I returned to my car without seeing Rose or my dad and drove away from the house.

I made the turns to my next destination from memory, thankful I didn’t have to pay attention, considering my mind was overloaded. The lot was empty when I arrived, so I climbed out of my car and locked it. My steps were silent on the grass as I made my way on the worn footpath toward the tombstone. A set of fresh flowers sat at the base, and I knew my dad had been here recently. We used to come once a week, but it had been a few years since we’d made the visit together.

“Hey, Mom.” I sank down onto the grass and crossed my legs. I smoothed away the leaves and debris. The stone was warm from the sun and smooth against my hand. I ran it over the top a few times, wishing it was my mom and not just a chunk of granite. “I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get out here. Life’s been pretty shit lately, and I’m a little lost.”

Tears fell before I could stop them. I’d need to drink more water at the rate I’d been crying lately. Turning, I leaned against the stone and wrapped my arms around my legs, pretending it was my mom’s arms.

“I finally stood up to Hope, but now I have to make a decision. I’m not saying she shouldn’t be expelled, but I don’t like that it’s landed on me to make it. For so long, I just wanted someone to see the hurt I was going through and to step in and rescue me. Does that make me weak? I’ve been fighting every day to live my life and remind myself that I matter. There’s nothing left in me to do this, too. I can’t deal with more people hating me.”

---