Page 88 of Cruel Steps

I still couldn’t believe the things I’d read. The things Emerson had written. How could that version of Hope and my baby sister be the same person?

Standing, I tugged at the ends of my hair and paced to the end of the bed. I couldn’t believe I’d allowed Emerson to get under my skin like she had. I’d been so dumb. So weak.

Only one week in, and I’d already taken my eyes off the ball. I’d worked too hard and sacrificed too much to let it all go now.

But…

Staring at Hope in the hospital bed, I couldn’t help but question if the sacrifices were worth it. I’d been fighting for something for so long, but had I been mistaken? Was I focused on the wrong thing?

Fucking. Hell. My mind was all over the damn place.

“You’re going to wear a hole in the floor.”

Spinning, I found Hope’s brown eye staring at me, the other still covered. I rushed to her side, then hesitated when I didn’t know where to touch. Everything looked like it hurt.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been hit by a car… Oh, wait. I was.”

I scowled. “Not funny, Hope.”

“It’s a little funny.”

Sighing, I pulled my chair closer and sat down to stop myself from hovering. We stared at one another for a long while. Neither of us was great at talking about real shit.

“I’m sorry,” I rasped, my voice hoarse.

“What are you sorry about?” she asked.

“I betrayed you. I…” I shook my head. I wasn’t going to make excuses. Dad always did that, and I vowed to never be like him.

“No, you didn’t, Holden.” Hope sighed, her voice small and defeated.

I snapped my eyes up to her, and she gave me a wobbly smile. Tentatively, I reached out to touch her unharmed hand. When she didn’t pull away, I took it and marveled at how small it looked in mine. Hope always appeared larger than life, that I forgot how tiny she actually was.

“I’m a bitch, Holden.”

“Hope!”

“What? It’s true. I have been for a long time.” She turned away and bit her lip. “I’m not proud of the things I’ve done. Everything…” Her voice wobbled, and she cleared her throat. “Everything Emmy said was true. I’ve made her life hell.” She turned back to me, her eyes watery and her face open. Without all the makeup, I saw the vulnerable little girl I remembered.

“Doesn’t mean you should’ve been hit by a car,” I grumbled.

“No. That part sucked, but I’ve been waiting for years for karma to collect. At least that’s off my shoulders.”

“You can’t be serious. You’re glad this happened?” The desire to stand and pace again was overwhelming.

“The thing about seeing your life flash before your eyes is that you see all your mistakes. Lying there, my body hurting and on fire with pain, I knew if I got another chance, I wanted to do better. I have a lot of wrongs to repair, and I want to start with you.”

“Me?” I scowled. “You don’t owe me anything. It’s my fault. I left you alone, and when you needed me, I attacked you instead of giving you a chance to explain.” Shame covered my words, and I cast my eyes to the floor.

“When you’re done being the martyr, let me know. I don’t have time for your pity party. I have my own to attend.”

“Hope,” I grumbled.

“Holden,” she mimicked back. We stared at one another, both of our stubbornness rising to the surface. “You don’t have to agree for me to feel remorse.”

Thoughts raced through my mind, and I weighed my words. “Why did you bully Emerson? She’s…” Perfect. The words turned to ash on my tongue.

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