Page 109 of Cruel Steps

The team slapped one another, whooping and cheering their win. I stood rubbing my poms back and forth like the other girls, but my gaze was locked on the QB. I told myself I wouldn’t do it. I wouldn’t put myself in this situation where I waited for him to show me… something. The first game I’d danced at, he’d held my gaze at the end like he was telling me I mattered to him. I was probably overthinking it, and it hadn’t meant anything.

But here we were, at the end of the game, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

Holden pulled off his helmet and slapped his teammates on the back. I tracked his movements, holding my breath as I waited. He swept his hair back, slick with sweat and sticking in every direction from his helmet. He had a red patch on his forehead, too, but he still took my breath away, which, considering I was holding it, wasn’t a good thing.

His gaze swung in my direction, and my heart returned to life the instant our eyes connected. Aquamarine orbs swept over me, taking in every inch of my body and leaving a trail of heat in their wake. A teammate spoke to him, but his gaze stayed on me. He nodded, but I didn’t think he knew what they were saying. A lazy smile spread across his face, and I sucked in a breath, my head going hazy at the lack of oxygen.

When he looked at me like that, it was hard to remember why I shouldn’t jump into his arms and let him fuck me until I couldn’t walk.

The last three weeks had been a testament to my restraint. In small doses, I was fine, but when I had to spend an hour with him in class or ran into him at the club, home, or even Colter’s apartment, I was inundated with his smell… touch… presence.

It was torture. Being friends was bullshit. Damn him and his boundaries.

Okay, not really, but my pussy wholeheartedly disagreed—the thirsty bitch.

Perhaps the worst were the ways he groveled. I’d asked him for it, but the man had the audacity to actually do it! I didn’t know if I was madder at myself for insisting or at him for complying.

First, there was the cookbook of recipes my mom had published in her food column. I couldn’t believe he’d spent time searching old newspapers and then printed them out to put in a book. It was such a thoughtful and priceless gift.

Second was the picture he’d drawn of me in art class. I had to pinch myself to keep myself from crying when he revealed it. He’d drawn me dancing with a kaleidoscope of colors swirling around me. He’d said I was like a rainbow when I danced—light refracted and bent around me, drawing everyone to gawk at the beauty I created.

Like… what the hell? How dare he say something sweet! It had left me breathless. No one had ever described my dancing, or me, that way.

This week, he helped me finalize the wedding tasks Rose had given me. Yesterday, he drove me out to pick up flowers and an arch she’d found online for free. I could see the questions in his eyes about why his mom needed a free arch if my dad was loaded, but he hadn’t pushed it despite how much he’d wanted to.

That was the biggest change in our dynamic. Holden gave me time to tell him things instead of demanding or assuming the worst.

Whether big or small, each interaction chipped away at the fear wrapped around my heart and replaced it with something deeper and richer.

Each time Holden and I grew closer, he immediately pulled back, and the inconsistency made it hard to gauge where we actually stood. We were friends, but that label didn’t fit exactly right. We were closer than friends in a lot of ways, yet not in all the ways that counted.

Hello, frustration, thy is my middle name.

If I didn’t have Colter to balance me out, I’d have gone mad. We’d fallen into a comfortable dynamic where we studied and ate together a couple nights a week. We hadn’t made it on our date yet, due to our schedules being so busy that there was rarely any time that overlapped. It didn’t mean we hadn’t found time to be together. We could barely keep our hands off one another. I’d grabbed a hold of his exhibition kink with both hands.

“What I would give for a man to look at me that way,” Jenny whispered.

“Huh?” I blinked, and the electric connection broke. I looked at Jenny, and she smiled, patting my arm. It was then I realized all the other girls were gone.

“Game’s over, Mer. You can stop.” She chuckled, pointing to my poms.

My hands froze, and I dropped them to my side, my face heating. “Right.”

Jenny chuckled and tugged me to the locker room. “Come on. The team’s hitting Club Ember since we have a long weekend. You want to come?”

“Can’t.” I didn’t expand, figuring her invite was obligatory. Her face dropped, and I remembered I wasn’t the invisible girl anymore. “My dad’s having his wedding ceremony this weekend. We’re headed out right after the game.”

“Oh, that sounds fun.”

“Hope so. It will be my first time alone with Hope since, you know.”

“Right. How is she?”

I shrugged. I didn’t know. Just because she’d apologized didn’t make us friends. When I was at the house, I barely saw her. Rose had taken her to get her wrist cast off today, and she’d returned with a wrist brace and crutches. She couldn’t start physical therapy until she got her leg cast off, so she mostly stayed in her room. I wanted to believe she was using this time to research her project, but I didn’t have much faith in Hope.

“Well, maybe some other time? Club Ember, I mean. I heard they have these crazy cool rooms.”

I blushed. I hadn’t told anyone about working there and wasn’t sure if I wanted to now. But Jenny was making an effort to be my friend, and I needed to trust people.

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