“Make sense. It must be a big job.” Was it wrong that I didn’t miss my job? Auditions and playing at local concerts, hoping to be discovered. When had I last played just for enjoyment?
I felt the tears building again. I looked to Maverick for my escape. “What else do you do?”
He stilled the bag with his hands. “The clubs take up most of our time.”
“Clubs?”
He shrugged. “We have a few.”
“Wow. That’s impressive.” The breath caught in my lungs. The weight of what I’d lost pressed down on me. My world had changed in an instant.
I didn’t have a great job, but I’d had one. I’d had a family. A life. And now I had nothing.
How was I going to get any of that back? How would I even find the strength to try? Right now, it felt like just talking was sucking away all the energy I had.
I couldn’t imagine seeing people. Playing in front of a crowd who would be looking for flaws. Who would judge me.
“I feel so lost.” My fears tumbled out of me as if they couldn’t be contained anymore. “I don’t know what to do. Where do I go from here? I don’t have a job or a place to live. I have nothing. And my family has…” My words cut off as a sob caught in my throat.
Funny what the brain did. What it chose to worry about. Maybe because I didn’t remember all that had happened to me. Or my mind was trying to protect itself. But I was focused on the things I thought I could fix.
The rest was too broken. I’d never heal. Never stop looking around corners. Having nightmares. Fearing men.
Except them because as Maverick rushed to my side, it wasn’t fear I felt.
He gripped my waist, pulling me close, and I collapsed against him. The scent of sweat and spice surrounded me. I was surprised to find I liked it. There didn’t seem to be much I didn’t like about him.
He ran his fingers down my arm, soothing. He didn’t stop until I was breathing normally again. Until I turned to look up at his handsome face. His gray eyes locked with mine. They were all I could focus on. Everything else faded away.
“Sometimes we have to take life in small pieces. Day by day. Moment by moment. You ate, now shower.”
It sounded simple. But nothing ever was.
“And tomorrow?”
“Don’t think about it.” He grasped my cheek, running his thumb along my jaw. I found myself wanting to lean into it. Into him.
“Shower.”
“That’s all, belladonna.”
“I can do that.”
“You can do anything.”
14
Violet
The lock clicked. I heard it echo in the bathroom. Felt the snap beneath my fingers, but I still grasped the handle. I yanked hard, making sure it couldn’t be opened.
My chest tightened as I stared at the wood door. You’d think I wouldn’t want to be locked in a room again, but I was feeling nervous about the figure I’d seen lurking. At least in here he couldn’t get to me.
I peeled off my borrowed clothes, dropping them on the floor. My hand shook as I twisted the knob to turn on the shower. The sound of the water beating down on the tiles seemed unusually loud to me.
I tried to steady myself by taking in the space. It was a typical bathroom with a small counter that had a sink and a mirror above. A standard shower tub combo. All nice finishes, but nothing ostentatious.
I remembered the gold-plated fixtures in Simon’s bathroom. My throat closed as if I could still feel the icy cold bath he’d submerged me in once a week. It never seemed to be enough water to get me clean. Or maybe it was his eyes watching as I tried to wash away the signs of him.