Page 11 of Saviors

But I couldn’t stand here and take her abuse anymore. Her lies. She wasn’t perfect. Why did she expect me to be?

“Violet!” My mother screamed. Her hand flew to her open mouth.

“Whoa.” My brothers had twin looks of shock on their faces.

“Too far.”

“That’s enough!” I flinched as my step-father appeared in the doorway. His deep voice whipped through the air, but it couldn’t penetrate the angry shell that surrounded me.

My jaw clenched as I stared at them. They were so quick to come to her defense, but never mine. “Yeah it is. I’m done.”

I dropped the rest of the dishes in the sink. The splashing almost drowned out my mother’s voice. “I just want what’s best for you.”

I sucked in a deep breath, staring down at the floor. I couldn’t face her. “What does that even mean?”

“Someone stable. Someone to provide for you.” Because I couldn’t provide for myself. She didn’t need to say it. I knew it was what she meant. “Like Simon.”

My chuckle was harsh. “You only like him because he’s friends with Aaron and Craig.” And I’d only dated him for that reason. To get her off my back. “It doesn’t matter anymore because I’m breaking up with him tonight.”

“Violet.” She always said my name like that. Filled with utter disappointment.

I saw it shining in her eyes when I lifted my head to look at her. “I wish that what you wanted was for me to be happy.”

No one said a word as I stalked towards the door. My purse seemed to weigh a million pounds as I grabbed it and stepped outside. I was so exhausted. Tired of being a disappointment. Of bending my life to meet her expectations, only to have them change again.

I willed myself to walk to my car, not run. To not show any more of my pain. Sometimes I thought that was what she really wanted. To hurt me. See me bleed.

Then I’d remember she was my mother, and that was crazy. She probably was trying to help. She just didn’t know how.

My fingers ached as I drove home. The force of holding myself together radiated through my body. It made my limbs tense. Sucked the life from me.

A few minutes later, my phone rang. Craig’s name appeared on the car display. I considered sending it to voicemail, but it wasn’t him I was upset with.

Still, I couldn’t keep the sadness from my voice. “Yeah?”

There was a beat where I assumed he was considering if he should hang up. If it was worth trying to convince me I’d overreacted. “Don’t forget to give Simon that folder.”

I flicked my gaze to the passenger seat where I’d dumped my purse and the manila envelope Craig had asked me to give to Simon. Of course, he hadn’t known I was going over there to break up with him.

“I’ve got it.”

“Violet, you know she doesn’t mean it. That’s just mom.”

“I’m so sick of everyone telling me that.” I wished I sounded angry. Instead, it came out defeated. “She can say whatever she wants. Act however she wants and we just have to take it. But I make one comment and now I’m the bitch.”

I heard his deep exhale over the line. It mixed with the road noise as I continued towards Simon’s house. I should reschedule, but I couldn’t, since Craig made it clear before dinner that it was important to deliver his envelope tonight.

“Vi.”

“Don’t.” I cut him off before I got into an argument with another family member. He and Aaron would never understand. Our relationships with my parents weren’t the same.

I vowed to treat my kids differently. To make them each feel special. I’m not a parent much to their dismay, but I didn’t understand my mom’s behavior.

Why would she want me to believe they didn’t make mistakes? All it did was make me feel like more of a failure. Make it impossible for me to come to her when I needed help. Because I can’t stand to see the disillusionment in her face. Can’t bear the feeling of worthlessness.

I wanted to think the best of her. Believe she did it because she didn’t want to appear weak. Because she wanted me to see how strong and capable she was. But it had the opposite effect.

“Maybe you should reconsider this thing with Simon.” I wasn’t surprised by his reaction. He was always the way who tried to smooth things over. “He’s got a house in Florida. You could finally take that vacation. Get a little space from Mom. You just need a break from each other. Some perspective.”

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