Page 54 of Forever Ink

There were shoulder slaps and hugs all around, and it was extra special to have Grandad here to share my news with. He pulled me into a hug as I escaped the joyous rabble in the sitting room to grab a breath of fresh air outside.

“Can’t tell you how happy I am for you, lad.” Grandad’s pale blue eyes were damp. I swore, if he cried, I’d follow. I swallowed around a lump forming in my throat. I hugged him, trying to find the words to explain how much it meant to me having him here.

“Go get yourself some fresh air, lad. We’ll talk more when you come back in. Magnus and I have been discussing some plans we think you boys would be interested in.”

I nodded before ducking out into the mud room. My boots were close at hand, and I wasn’t going to go far. Just a few minutes of quiet was all I needed.

The farmyard was covered in a thick covering of snow, but the sun was just peeking out from behind a blanket of clouds. I shivered, suddenly realising I’d not put on a hoodie before I’d come outside. Wrapping my arms around myself, I quickly shuffled to the barn, wanting to check on Ragnar. He was laying in his stall, looking more than content. Magnus must have come out early and topped his feed bucket up. There were a few fresh carrots sitting amongst his feed.

Ragnar came over and bumped his head against my hand. “You’re a big old softy. I don’t know why you have to pick on Simon so much.”

Ragnar butted his head against my hand again, bleating softy as if to argue his point. My phone gave a buzz in my pocket. I’d forgotten I’d put it in there, not expecting any messages or calls as everyone I spoke to was here at the farm apart from Donald. But he was at his mum’s for Christmas, and I didn’t expect to hear from him until the new year. Pulling it out from my sweatpants pocket, I saw a number I didn’t recognise.

“Hello, Rhys speaking.” There was silence on the other end of the line for long enough that I nearly hung up, thinking it was a wrong number. Then a voice spoke that caused my gut to clench in anger.

“Hello Rhys, this is Susan.” It took everything in me not to hang up, but there was a part of me that wanted to know why she was calling me. I had spoken to Declan about my unresolved anger, and how I wished I’d had a chance to tell them how what they had done to me had made me suffer. I’d worried that it wasn’t healthy to feel that way, but Dec had assured me that it was normal.

“Why are you calling me? How the fuck did you get this number?”

“My lawyer found it for me. I’m not calling to cause trouble.”

“Not calling to cause trouble?” I asked incredulously. “Susan, all you’ve ever done in my life is cause trouble and pain.” I heard her take a sharp breath.

“As has been made abundantly clear to me. I wanted to apologise, but I know that it’s too late.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. “Okay, so you’ve apologised. I don’t think you and I have much else to say to one another.”

“Could we please meet to talk? I promise I’m not up to anything.” There was something in her tone that stopped me from ending the call right there, and against my better judgement I held off hanging up. “What could we possibly have to talk about?”

“I need your help,” Susan said.

My mouth opened and closed wordlessly at the incredulity of her statement. “You need my help? In what world does it even seem possible that I would want to help you?”

She laughed without humour. “Believe me, Rhys, I know. But you are the only person I can reach out to about this.”

Fuck me. This was not how I’d imagined my Christmas morning going. “I—” Logical me wanted to say no, to tell her to get fucked and never darken my life again. But a small part of me, the one who’d seen those brief flashes of, if not kindness, the hint that she could have been someone better, spoke instead. “All right, but you’ll have to wait till I’m back in town. And we’ll meet somewhere public. I still don’t trust you.”

“I—thank you, Rhys. I didn’t expect you to agree, but you are, and always have been, a better person than me.”

“Pity you didn’t see that when you let my dad beat seven shades of shit out of me,” I spat out.

“I know my apologies won’t change what happened.”

“You’re right. They won’t. Now if you’ve said what you needed to say, I want to get back to my family.”

“Yes, of course. I’ll call in a few days.”

“Yeah, you do that.” I hung up the phone, breathing heavily. I could feel the numbing edges of a panic attack creeping around the corners of my brain. I focused on my breathing, and Ragnar’s constant butting for my attention helped to ground me.

I was in control of this situation. I held the cards. I kept reminding myself of that until I was able to breathe. I wondered if in some strange way, meeting with Susan might help me let go, to finally be at peace with my past life—or if not at peace, happy in the knowledge I had spoken my mind to her. This was something I was going to have to speak to Daddy about, but I didn’t want to spoil our Christmas, so it could wait until we got home. I’d also speak to Declan and see what he thought. Therapists were supposed to help you sort through this sort of stuff weren’t they?

“Rhys!” Simon’s loud yell broke me from my wandering thoughts. Smiling, I stroked Ragnar’s nose. “Be nice to Daddy.” Ragnar huffed sending a plume of warm air against my skin, “No, don’t be a brat. We have one already with Mouse.”

“In here, Daddy,” I yelled out.

“Fucking hell. Again with the bloody ram? What is it about you and that animal?” Simon said. I turned my head so Simon wouldn’t see me grinning as he stomped into the barn. I saw he was carrying something in his arms.

“You came outside without something warm on, boy.” Oh, dear he was using his Daddy tone. I slipped away from Ragnar to wrap my arms around Simon.

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