Page 4 of Forever Ink

I lifted the kettle from the hob, filling both our mugs before I turned to Donald. “I know. I just have to be on the lookout, I suppose.”

“We’ll all keep a lookout, and frankly I don’t think she’d be stupid enough to show her face around here. My friend at the Crown Prosecution Service said she is staying at some sort of retreat in North Wales.”

I nodded. I knew where she would be. At her father’s religious retreat. He was as insane as my dad, and I often wondered if Susan had suffered at her father’s hands like I had at mine. If she’d had it different, would she have been a better person? But I couldn’t think that. She was who she was, and I knew she blamed me for everything that had happened.

“Her dad is a religious nut just like Father Gordon. She’ll be there rending her clothes and beating her chest, bemoaning how evil the world has become, how full of lust and sin it is, the usual shit.” I sighed. I could feel the start of a headache, and I desperately wanted to cuddle up in bed with my Teds, but Simon was still not home.

“I’m truly sorry, Rhys,” Donald said as I handed him his tea.

“Don’t be. It’s not your fault my family are religious fuckups. At least my dad will get what’s coming to him.” I blew on my tea, wishing the whole court case was over and Dad was behind bars for as long as possible. I had no feelings of regret or sadness about him. That day at the beach had killed any last vestige of connection I had with my father.

“Did you want me to stay with you until Simon gets back?” Donald sipped his tea slowly.

“You don’t need to babysit me, Don. I’m going to curl up with a book and wait till Simon comes home.” I was going to curl up in my daybed in the playroom with my teddy bears and my pop, but Donald didn’t need to know that.

“You sure? It’s not a bother. I’ll just be going home to card wool.” He smiled. When you looked at the big burly tattooed copper, knitting was not what came to mind, but the man was a genius with the knitting needles and had his own spinning wheel. I was one of a handful of people who knew about his secret hobby.

“Are you using the fleece that Simon’s dad sent down for you?”

“Yeah. I need to get it ready to spin. Nice rich natural colour, I’m loathe to dye it to be honest. I might get enough out of it for a couple of jumpers and maybe another beanie.” A soft smile creased his face.

“You’re going to give them to Father Mac for the mission again?”

“Probably. He gives them to the shelters in Leeds and Newcastle, and my sister’s kids will probably get a couple of new beanies out of me.”

I doubted anybody would believe me if I told them, and I would never betray Don’s trust in me. Besides, he had promised to see if he could make me another bear beanie and that had happily guaranteed my silence.

“Go home and do the crafty stuff. I’ll be okay until Simon gets home.” Donald gave me a look like he didn’t quite believe me, but I gently shooed him out of the kitchen.“I’m a big lad, and the news sucks, but I’ll be ok. I’ll probably call Declan and have a talk with him about how I’m feeling,” I assured him.

Donald nodded. “He’s the new therapist that’s using Doc’s spare consulting rooms now?”

I smiled. “Yeah, he’s been great.”

Donald’s brow furrowed “He really doesn’t look much like a therapist—not the ones the force sends you to.”

“Is it the tattoos, or the beard to rival Simon’s?”

Donald let out a laugh. “A bit of both, really. I probably shouldn’t be a suspicious bastard, but I reckon it’s a hazard of the job. But he’s helping you, yeah?”

“He is, and I’ve seen his diploma. All above board, and a great guy.” I guided Donald towards the front of the flat. As much as I loved having friends who cared about me, right now I needed my bears and daddy.

Locking the door, I wandered back through to the kitchen. Running the taps, I put the pan in to soak. I was sure Simon would be happy to call out for a fish supper. Right now my stomach roiled uncomfortably at the thought of food. I picked up my phone and stared at my lawyer’s number for a good ten minutes before I finally dialled the number. His personal assistant answered, explaining he’d not be back into the office today, but she would get him to call as soon as he could.

I wandered through to the bedroom I shared with Simon and grabbed my bears. I could nap in here, but my head was scattered, and unpleasant childhood memories of Susan and my father kept playing through my mind. I tried to focus on memories of Grandad and Mum, but they were hard to hold onto when my brain was in such upheaval. I loved our bedroom, it always smelt of Simon’s aftershave, but it was also a place where I was big, and right now my brain was itching. I needed to regress, to spend time with my stuffies and my pretty lamp.

The playroom was my safe space, my special place for Daddy and me, and I loved its soft pastel walls and the thick patchwork comforter. I wanted to retreat into my space for a bit, then I’d call Declan and process what today had stirred up.

I slipped my shoes off and put them in the cubby by the front door. I grabbed my favourite Sippy cup and filled it with juice, then made my way into my playroom. As soon as I crossed the threshold, I felt my adult side letting go. My toys were all packed away neatly, but I didn’t plan on playing. I put my cup on the small side table and found my pop.

I slipped pop into my mouth and gave a slow pull on the rubber nipple. My body instinctively relaxed. Grabbing my bears, I climbed under the patchwork comforter and snuggled down deep. Here in my warm cosy cave, the bad memories couldn’t hurt me.

Chapter 3

SIMON

I’d been at the house longer than I had expected and was surprised to see only the kitchen light on when I got home. There was no sign of Rhys in the kitchen or our small living room, but I saw what looked like a white sauce disaster in the sink and two tea mugs. One of them was the ginger cat mug, so Donald must have come over. He was the only one who used it.

“Rhee, baby, where are you?” I called down the hallway but no response. Looking back, I saw his bright yellow converse sitting in the shoe nook so unless he wore his boots… they were sitting in the shoe nook as well.

---