Page 49 of Watch Me

“It’s all good.” David pulls his hand back, and holds the door open for me to skitter away. “I just wanted to be friends. I think you’re super cool. Thank you.”

I don’t look back. I step through the door, propelling myself forward. Outside, it’s like a paparazzi moment.

“That was so hot!” gushes a woman’s voice in my ear. “Baby, you are incredible,” says a man. I smile politely and push my way through without stopping to talk to anybody, heading directly for the door to the main bar.

* * *

It’s a relief to unzip the mask from my face in David’s office washroom and let my skin breathe. My cheeks are deep pink from the heat of the vinyl, and my skin is shiny with sweat. I wash my face twice and towel off vigorously. I would love to have a shower, but I’ll have to wait until I get home. I can’t risk David coming in and finding me here.

I can’t believe I really did it. I had the kind of experience I’ve only ever fantasized about, and I still haven’t really come down from it. I’m floating on cloud nine. In fact, it’s been impossible to stay grounded in reality all night. From the moment I crossed over the threshold to the on-premise space, everything was magical, mysterious, and disorienting. It’s like I spent the night in Faerieland.

The only tinge of regret I have is in how much I’m missing Nick right now. While I did have an incredible experience, it’s a little jarring to all of a sudden be on my own. I wish someone could hold me… I wish Nick could hold me. I’m craving his arms with a kind of homesickness.

But, I think as I flatten the mask out on the counter and look at it, I’m on my way.

Tonight I learned that I’m getting ready to move on. I may not be ready to fall in love again, but I’m ready to be with someone else. The way the bull caught my eye the minute I saw him has shown me that I can feel lust again. Even if I never fall in love again, at least I know I can have fun.

The mask is creepy laid out like this, with its wide open mouth and subtle eyes and nose. It still looks like a face, a creepy, uncanny-valley kind of face, but I can’t help but feel affection towards it. This mask liberated me for a night of unprecedented pleasure tonight, and it is a friend.

I leave it flattened out on the counter as I get dressed and tie up my boots, as if it needs a rest after the night we had, too, and get distracted as I remember I need to bring my favorite shampoo home, and then get a stick of gum out of David’s jacket pocket. I’m just about to finally step out the office door when I remember I left it on the bathroom counter, and I almost laugh, thinking about what a boneheaded way to blow my cover that would be. Shit. I spin on my heel, and I’m walking back to the bathroom when something catches my eye.

It’s funny what the subconscious mind will pick up, like how you can hear your own name when you’re otherwise not listening. That’s how attuned I am to the name Rivera, because somehow it leaps out at me from a sea of unreadable ink as my eyes skim the papers on David’s desk.

Right there, sitting on top of his laptop, is a short stack of pages with a cover that reads: “Investment Proposal: Rivera Holdings LLC”.

Investment Proposal.

Rivera Holdings LLC.

I have to hold on to the edge of the desk in case I faint.

I know for a fact that Rivera Holdings is Nick’s company because I’ve seen similar paperwork before at his house. And it’s not that the document in itself is so unusual. David and Nick are friends.

Alarm bells are sounding off as my brain tries to fit together puzzle pieces it absolutely refuses to make sense of.

“I’m an investor.” The bull’s words ring through my head. “I’m only here as an observer.”

“An observer with a broken heart.”

His body, his cock, the way he moved… It can’t be.

I would know.

But then a little voice in my head says, don’t you, though? And before I can even begin to process that, I hear another familiar voice—out loud and right outside the door.

“I’ll just be a sec.”

It’s David.

There’s no time to think. All I can do is react. I run back to David’s desk and dive underneath it, my heart banging at my ribs like a prisoner rattling the bars of his cage.

David has a big desk with a covered front, so he won’t see me when he walks in, but by the time I realize what a stupid choice this was—what if he sits down?—it’s too late. I hear the door open, and two pairs of feet walk into the room.

I need to take a deep breath. My heart is pounding so hard it’s drawing too much oxygen, and I’m afraid of making any noise. I open my mouth and try to breathe as quietly as I can.

“… incredible,” David is saying. “That doesn’t happen every day. But Locked & Loaded is special.”

And then I almost really do pass out when I hear a familiar voice respond. “Yeah.”

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