Page 113 of Vengeance

Why the fuck is she here in Griffin’s Beach? “Why? What the fuck could you want to talk to me about?”

Swallowing, Diane stares at her with her messed up face looking pitiful. “Look, you don't owe me anything, but I'd appreciate you taking a few minutes. Please?”

Seeing her like this, Lex can't help but feel bad for her. She sighs and walks towards the picnic table outside the door and sits on the table. “What can I do for you?” she asks and waves her hand in a sweeping motion.

The bruised woman sits on the other end of the table. “First I want to tell you how sorry I am.”

Interesting. ”For what, exactly?”

“For... everything?” Tears spill down her cheeks, and she looks away. “For trying to get with Colt. For taunting you. For making you believe he cheated. For the ultrasound. But what I'm the sorriest for is the part I played in your kidnapping.”

Narrowing her eyes, Lex stares at her. “You didn't seem all that sorry the last time I saw you.”

“Because I'm stubborn. Ask anyone, especially Ian. He can tell you better than anyone that I'm my own worst enemy. But I'm glad you slammed my face into that table. It made me feel a little better.”

“Okay? I don't really understand this timing. Did the Slashers knock some sense into you or something? Do you have a concussion?”

She sniffles and looks at her hands resting in her lap. “No, I've felt this way for a long time. I just never had a reason to bring myself here to talk to you. Not everyone knows this about me, but I'm kind of messed up.”

Laughing, she shakes her head. “You don't say.”

“I deserve that.”

“Why do you say that you're messed up? Besides choosing the bunny way of life.”

Her head snaps to look at Lex. “Kitten sounds way better than bunny. That was the life I chose, not being a hoppy little creature that got confused and brought eggs during a holiday.”

She laughs again. “It's not meant to be thought of that deeply.”

“When I was six, my dad left to get cough medicine and bread because I was sick. We ran out of medicine, and the only thing I would eat was grilled cheese and tomato soup. He left and just never came home. It's really hard growing up without a father, but it's even worse when you blame yourself.”

“I can't believe I'm trying to comfort you, but you have to know that wasn't your fault.”

“I know that now, but when you're little, you can't rationalize it. If I wasn't sick, Mom wouldn't have finished off the cough medicine or made so many sandwiches. That means he wouldn't have needed to run to the store, and if he didn't have to go to the store, he wouldn't have left. That he'd still be with us.”

“Did he die?”

Hanging her head, Diane shakes her head. “I don't know if it would've been easier or harder if he had. No, he just split. Left all his things behind, including his daughter and her mother, and he started over somewhere else.”

“If he didn't leave that night, he would have just gone another night. Men tend to be opportunistic, but that feels thought out. Like he planned it for a while, and he was just looking for an opening.”

She nods but doesn't look up at Lex. “Deep down somewhere, I know that's the truth. But I still blame myself. And Mom was so devastated, she could barely climb out of bed most days.”

“But then she found Ian and fell in love?” Lex guesses. She doesn't know much about the personal lives of Black Valley members, but she knows a little. She knows Ian was married to Diane's mother before she left him.

“I wish. No, Mom fell in love with being taken care of, but she would never truly love anyone other than my dad. I couldn't understand it because Ian seemed so great. He was a better dad than mine was, but she just didn't love him. Not like she should have. And then I felt like I shouldn't love him, either.”

“Let me guess. You rebelled.”

“Oh, I did more than rebel. I was a terror. I did everything I could to push Ian away, but he never left me. Even after Mom divorced him and took half his money, he still fought to be there for me. And when she died, he offered to take me in. At that point, I was so angry, but I had nowhere else to go.”

The reason why Diane chose the lifestyle she did, considering her connection to the club, starts to make sense. “That's why you chose the bunny life.”

“I hate that we changed from kittens to bunnies. Kitten fits so much better, but yeah. I wanted to feel... I wanted to feel anything. I had so much anger inside of me that I couldn't see a way out. Men became a distraction and coping mechanism to avoid what was broken deep inside. Both my parents left me.”

“I can relate, sort of. My upbringing wasn't stellar, either. And sex is a great distraction, but it doesn't fix anything.”

Her eyes finally look up at Lex. “I'm not trying to make excuses for my actions. I just thought it might help you see that I'm not always a terrible person. Deep down, I'd like to believe I'm not like that.”

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