Page 119 of Vengeance

“I'm good, Jennings.”

Jennings sighs and moves to sit in a spot nowhere near the head of the table. “Colt told us you need space from a few of us. That we've let you down too much to really feel like you can forgive us here.”

The conversation wasn't meant to be shared with the three of them, let alone the whole club, but it's out in the open now. “Yes.”

“Lex-”

“I know everyone believes this is just something I should get over and can't let go of, but I want to, Jennings. I want to let this go so badly, but it's hard to because the past isn't just in the past. It keeps happening. Saying you're sorry and buying a house doesn't change the fact that nothing really changes. It's like giving a kid a lollipop when he gets his shots at the doctor, expecting it to magically take away the pain and stop him from crying the next time he goes in for his boosters.”

To her surprise, he leans back and nods. “I get that. We didn't realize that's what you felt we were doing.”

“Do you know what the first thing you asked me was when you guys got us out of that basement?”

It takes a moment, and he shakes his head. “I'm sorry, I don't.”

“You asked me if I told them anything. You didn't ask if I was okay. You didn't ask what happened. You wanted to know if I'd shared any information about the club.”

“You're right.”

“I have never once come before this club. Not unless it's in response to other actions that put us in that type of position. My father has always been in and out of my life because of it. Because of the rules and the way things were. Hell, the way they still are. Even TK didn't step in when everyone noticed Colt was acting differently. You never see how your actions affect the women, and we're just expected to deal with it. To shoulder the burdens until we break, and then when we do break, we're supposed to get over it quickly and be okay. I can't do that. Not after how many times I've been expected to. It never ends.”

His tongue licks his bottom lip as he looks at the ground. “You don't know this, but O'Malley didn't know about the truce. He wanted Dimitri and you. We showed up with Dimitri, and O'Malley asked where you were. He expected we'd give you to him to save ourselves, and if someone outside the club thought we'd do that, I can only imagine what you thought we would do.”

Her eyes focus on the ground, unsure what to say. Congratulations for figuring it out?

“I told that scar-faced asshole that he wasn't getting you. I'd lay in front of an oncoming train before I do that, and it hit me in that moment that you probably don't believe that. I love you, Lex. You're... you're one of the children of this club, and it's my fault you don't know that. It's all of our faults, and I wish you knew how much you mean to all of us.”

“You really said that?”

“Ask anyone out there. And if you need to get away to deal with all this shit we created, it sucks, but I won't get in the way. I won't try to stop it, but I also want you to know your father, TK, and I will come together to make sure if you ever do decide you want to come back home, you can. That things will be different.”

She looks up into his eyes to find tears. “Thank you, Jennings.”

“We'll miss you, girl. We really will. But I know you have to do this, and you're a hell of a lot stronger than all of us put together. I don't know anyone who could have dealt with what you did and still stand here.”

Her thumb points behind her towards the door over her shoulder. “I think the big guy could.”

He laughs. “Maybe.”

“There's something else that I don't think you know. Unless Colt told you. When they took me, I, um, I was pregnant.”

Jennings stares with eyes wide and leans forward. “What?”

“I didn't know. I had no idea, and I felt sick after I got home. My first thought was that it was that terrible water they used to waterboard me. Like a bacteria or parasite or something, so I went to the doctor. My blood tests showed I was pregnant, but the way I was feeling was because I'd miscarried. I had to have a procedure to get things back to normal after losing a baby I didn't know I had or even lost until then.”

“Lex, I didn't know. I... I don't even have words except to say how sorry I am.”

Tears threaten to fall, but she keeps them at bay. “Colt and I have a knack for getting knocked up when we're not trying, that's for sure. That's kind of contributed to everything. I don't know if it was because I wasn't properly taking care of myself at the time, or if it was because of the beatings, but it's been really hard not to blame the club. I don't want to, but if I'm being completely honest, I'm so angry. There's so much pain and anger and betrayal built up that I can't find my way out. No matter how much I want to or how hard I try, I can't. I just... I can't.”

“I'm sorry, Lex.”

“Me, too.”

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Griffin’s Beach

Colt

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