Page 29 of Where We Promise

He scoffed. “Apparently I do if you honestly think he’s just cooling off or some shit.”

“I don’t think that…I think this took him by surprise and he’s trying?—”

Jameson shook his head back and forth. “Stop defending him. Just fucking stop, Pen. I have been there for you. Me. I have sacrificed.” He pointed at his chest, walking closer. “I have given up my club, my home, everything I know, all to keep you safe. Yet at the mere idea of marrying me, you start making up some bullshit about Luke.”

With an incredulous laugh, he finally sagged his shoulders in defeat. “I should have known that’s how this would go. You’d rather be tied to him, even after everything, than be in a fake marriage with me.”

“No.” I reached out and gripped his wrist. The muscle in his jaw tensed once more as he held still, his fists clenched tight. “That’s not it, Jamie. I’m sorry…fuck, I always say the wrong thing.”

He needed to know why I always seemed to slip up around him. Why my nerves were always so raw when it came to him.

“The truth is…the idea of you settling or sacrificing any more of your life for me is so unacceptable to me that I would literally rather be homeless or throw my hope at the very man who rejected and humiliated me, just to save you the trouble of giving up your freedom for me. I’m not worth it, Jamie. I never have been, why do you think?—”

I stopped because he really didn’t need to know how pathetic I’d been all this time.

“I’m not waiting for Luke. I don’t want Luke, but I also don’t want you to give up your life, and you shouldn’t have to tie yourself to a sinking ship or lose your club just to keep me safe. There has to be another way.”

My grip loosened now that the panic of having him leave melted away. I hated when he left before I had a chance to explain myself.

“You have to just trust that this is what I want, Pen. I’ve never done anything I didn’t want to do. I could hand you off to someone else or find someone to keep you. Hell, I could leave now and just trust the Stone Riders to keep you safe. I want to be here, and I want to do this. Please trust that.”

He lightly gripped the backs of my arms, only hesitating for a second before he pulled me closer, until I was directly in front of him, and his forehead was lightly pinned to mine.

I nodded, trying to accept what he was saying.

“So, when would we do this then?”

The way my heart hammered in my chest was probably not a good sign, but the reality of this discussion still hadn’t sunk in.

Marriage…I was going to get married to him.

“Honestly, the sooner the better. I think we should let everyone see us together for a week, then just do it in the backyard or something.”

I tried not to feel deflated at his easy dismissal of such a monumental day…or what I always assumed would be a monumental day. He was talking about this like we were planning a random barbeque.

Keeping my eyes lowered, I nodded my agreement.

His finger trapped my chin and lifted my gaze.

“Don’t do that.” His whisper seemed to have fingers, digging through our past to that first night Jameson kissed me. “We could get married in a church if you’d prefer?”

I laughed, trying to dislodge the feelings of him lifting my chin stirred in me. “As if any of these bikers would step foot inside one.”

He laughed with me, and for some reason, I wanted him to hug me.

“I’ll accept that this is where you want to be, Jamie, but you have to do something for me.”

His lip quirked. “I’m open to creating a chore wheel.”

I smiled, pushing his shoulder, then muttered, “sleep on the bed…there’s plenty of room and it will help me feel safe. I’ll sleep. Just don’t be uncomfortable, that’s a big deal to me.”

“What if sleeping next to you makes me uncomfortable?” His tone was joking, but memories of our fleeting moments flashed through my mind, making his comment seem jaded.

He pulled me closer, until I was being pressed to his chest.

“That was a joke, Pen. I’ll control myself around you as long as you promise to keep me in the loop on medical stuff and don’t go anywhere alone.”

I nodded into his shirt, trying to inhale as much of his fresh spring smell as I could. He used a specific soap that I recalled looking for in the supermarket for an embarrassing long time, all because I had missed him.

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