Page 77 of All Your Pucking Secrets

My stomach clenches. “I understand.”

But where does that leave us? I can’t just give up on her.

“I’m not saying I’ll never trust you,” she adds gently. “Just that it will take time and effort to get to know each other again, and to build trust between us.”

My heart is somehow heavy and light at the same time. The sorrow of knowing how badly I damaged her weighs on me. But hope bubbles inside me too. Hope that we can get past this. That one day, it will be a blip on our radar. A stumble on our path to happily ever after.

“Take as long as you need,” I tell her. “I’m not going anywhere, and I won’t let you down again.”

I couldn’t bear it if I did.

“Are you keeping any other secrets from me?” she asks.

I open my mouth to tell her no, but then close it again. The truth is, I do have secrets. Many, many secrets. I’m willing to share them with her, but I’m not mentally prepared to do that right now, and honestly, I don’t think she’s ready to hear them either.

“You are,” she says, reading me like a book.

“I’ll tell you. Just…not today.”

She sighs, and it stirs a few strands of her hair. “If you can give me time, then I suppose I can do the same for you.”

Relief settles my gut.

“It won’t be forever though,” she warns. “I need to know everything, so I can make an informed decision. I can’t do that if you hold back.”

“That’s fair.” Probably more so than I deserve. “Thank you.”

She sips her coffee, her brain working overtime, by the looks of it.

“Can I begin to make a new impression now?” I ask. “I’ll tell you everything. I promise. But I want to connect with you as the person I’ve become while we were apart.”

She cocks her head. “What do you have in mind?”

I hesitate, but only briefly. “Will you come to Slice of Heaven with me?”

Her eyes widen. “A dessert place? I’m sure that doesn’t fit within your approved training diet.”

“I can make an exception. I’ll just have to burn it off at training later.” Putting in a bit more time, or pushing harder, is worth it to spend time with her.

To my delight, she grins.

“Okay, then. Let’s go. But you’re buying.”

I laugh. “Done.”

With Dad gone, I have access to more money than I could ever need. Technically, he left it all to Mom, but she split it in three and gave a third each to Soraya and me, as if a bunch of zeros at the end of my bank statement make up for the years she stayed silent as we suffered Dad’s abuse.

While Echo drinks her coffee, I ruminate over the issue of my mother. Soraya has always been more understanding of her than I have. They’re trying to establish a stronger mother-daughter relationship, but I haven’t jumped on board.

Mom has made a couple of overtures toward me, but I’m more hesitant than my sister. I know Mom was a victim as much as we were, but it’s still hard to reconcile that she was willing to let us be hit and emotionally manipulated.

Moms are supposed to be protectors. Echo’s always was for her. I never met the woman, but I saw how staunchly she supported Echo after the rape, and how fiercely she fought for justice. That’s how a mom should be. Not the wispy shadow of a woman who raised me.

When Echo pushes her cup aside, I stand and reach for her hand, but then think better of it. She surprises me, interlacing our fingers together as we leave the coffee shop. Her palm is much smaller than mine, but it’s warm from the heat of the coffee and I wish I could raise it to my lips for a kiss.

We don’t talk much during the walk, but it isn’t an uncomfortable silence. It’s freeing to be with someone and know I don’t have to fill the space between us. I wasn’t sure if I could get to this place with her again, and it makes me optimistic for the future.

Slice of Heaven is located in a small, brightly lit shop fronting onto one of the roads near campus. It’s in a great spot to attract drunk college students on their way home, and it stays open late several days a week for exactly that purpose.

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