Page 100 of All Your Pucking Secrets

He hesitates, visibly torn. “The hockey game. I told Tyler I’d be there.”

“Oh.” I deflate a little. It’s strange for me, now having to think of Tyler and Ryan as friends. “It’s the last game before the playoffs, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.” He stands and pushes his chair back. “You should come with me.”

Excitement flickers in my gut, but I squelch it. “I think it’s best if I don’t. I still don’t know what to do about Tyler, and if I turn up, it might complicate things.”

Plus, seeing him will make me want to be in his arms, and that won’t help my objectivity at all.

He glances at the time and sits again. “Talk me through everything that happened with him. All I know is that you were together in high school but broke up—it was his fault—and that he desperately wants you back.”

So I tell him.

Despite the rocky place our friendship is in, I confess everything. Our secret relationship. Our plan to go to prom together. The way Tyler stood me up and then humiliated me. Even the rape—although I gloss over the details.

No one needs to know that I still have nightmares featuring the scrape of concrete against my cheek and the helplessness of being pinned down.

When I’m finished, he pulls his sleeve over his hand and dabs beneath my eyes. It’s not until I see the damp spots on the fabric that I realize I’m crying.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” he says. “I’m glad that asshole is behind bars. As for Tyler, he has a lot of ground to make up, but I can see what’s behind the shitty decisions he made. Can’t you?”

Yes. That’s what makes this so hard.

“He was trying to protect you,” he adds. “Even if it was misguided.”

“I know,” I whisper, wiping the wetness from my face. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get so emotional.”

He places his hand on mine. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

When I start to protest, he holds his hand up to stop me.

“No, I mean it. Anyone would be upset after reliving what you just did. I’m sorry if you felt like you had to. I didn’t mean to push.”

“Actually, it feels good.” I’m surprised to realize it’s the truth. “It’s…freeing…that you know. I’m tired of keeping secrets.” And of having them kept from me.

“That’s a relief. I’d hate to set you back.” Ryan rubs his lips together, and something tells me he has more to add but isn’t sure whether to go for it.

“What?” I ask.

He opens his mouth but takes a moment to put his thoughts together. “Tyler always struck me as a bit of an asshole, but he genuinely seems to adore you. I totally understand if you never want to see him again—honestly, that might be the sanest thing to do—but I truly believe he’d do anything for you.”

I don’t reply immediately. In some ways, he’s right. After all, Tyler paid Ryan to watch over me for years, and he put his own happiness aside in an attempt to protect my future, even if he shattered my heart in the process. Nothing has worked out as he intended, but the good intentions were there.

Now, thanks to him, I have a whole lot more to work through with Dr. Rodriguez, but perhaps, with enough time and therapy, Tyler and I could have a relationship again. It wouldn’t be like the one we used to have, or even like the one we were building these past weeks. Instead, it would be fresh and honest.

We know all the goods and bads now. All the rights and wrongs we’ve done. There’s no reason we can’t eventually try again.

Ryan’s phone buzzes, reminding me that he’s supposed to be on his way to the game.

I get to my feet, ignoring the slight wobble in my knees. “You need to get going or you’ll be late.”

“Nah.” He stands too, but makes no move to leave. “You shouldn’t be alone right now. I’ll drive you home and get one of my friends to pick up my car.”

My eyebrows knit together. “You can’t miss the game for me.”

“Of course I can.” He sounds exasperated. “It’s just a game, Echo. Not even the biggest game of the season. Tyler probably won’t even notice I’m not there, and if he does, he’ll understand. To him, your wellbeing comes first.”

“It does, doesn’t it?” I muse. “But who puts him first?”

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