Page 2 of Love Off Script

I shook my head even though she couldn’t see me. This was a disaster. There was no way I would agree to this. But when I looked into the control room at Matrix, he was nodding while holding a piece of paper, saying, “YES!”

“Umm, can I put you on hold a second, Debby?” I hit mute before rushing toward the window Matrix was safely standing behind. “Have you lost your mind? I’m not adding that asinine idea to the list. I don’t give a rat’s fuck about love. And I sure as hell can’t help someone find it!” My voice was enraged, and I could see his brow furrowing as he frantically scribbled something on the paper.

“Will you stop fart assing around and send me someone with a good idea? I can only keep them waiting for so long.” I banged on the glass before I saw what he had written.

“YOU’RE STILL ON THE AIR!”

I darted back to my seat and flung on my headset. “Hey, Debby. Did you hear that practical joke I played? Pretending I didn’t like your idea.” I held my breath, hoping she would buy that, but I knew it was a flimsy excuse.

“Okay. But I still think you should be Cupid’s sidekick for Shorty.”

There was no getting around this. I stuck my foot in it, and now I had to live with the smell of shit.

“That sounds awesome. I’ll add it to the list and see what gets voted on. Thanks for calling.”

I moved on to the next request, and what a surprise—another for me being a love launcher. Having spoken to six other audience members, all of whom expressed identical opinions, I had no option but to resign myself to what lay ahead. My only hope now was that Shorty wouldn’t be interested in my services. But when the show ended, I headed into the back room with Matrix, who had all the details I needed to start my next mission.

“Wow. You’re lucky no one complained about that little tizzy you threw.”

“That was hardly a tizzy. It was the truth spewing out of me. This idea is stupid. I don’t know how to help Shorty.” I said her name with a mild amount of disdain.

“Well, you better figure it out because you’re having your first meeting tomorrow.” He handed me a piece of paper with a name and number.

“Who is Shiloh?” I read off the card.

“Shawty.” He laughed, and I rolled my eyes.

“Of course it is. What time are you picking me up?” Matrix usually accompanied me and shot footage from the side, so we had different angles when putting the videos together for the viewers.

“You’re on your own, Yoda.” He winked, and irritation crept inside me.

“What? You can’t leave me to do this myself.” One, I didn’t have the first clue who this woman was, and I didn’t want to become a statistic. And two, I didn’t know my ass from a hole in the ground when it came to matchmaking. What was I supposed to even do?

“Sorry, Caz. It’s out of my control. Shiloh asked that it be one-on-one.”

“You know she’s probably going to kill me, right?” I knew that escalated quickly, but I hoped to scare him into coming.

“Good luck to her. If falling off a ten-foot roof didn’t kill you, I doubt a girl named ‘Shorty’ can.” A boisterous laugh escaped his lips, and it annoyed me how lax he was about the situation.

“Must you remind me of my near-death experience?” Why did drunk me have such loose lips? And horrible depth perception. “Regardless, mine was an accident, which I was lucky to survive. If she pulls a gun and shoots me, there’s no chance of me coming back from that. Unless I’m a ghost, which I would haunt your ass for being an ass.”

With an annoyed expression, he rolled his eyes. “Will you give it a rest? You’re meeting at a coffee shop off Main. Do you think she would do anything with that many witnesses?” he questioned skeptically—but even if the chance was slim, it was never zero.

“Whatever. My blood will be on your hands.” I eyed him back, but he didn’t seem fazed.

“Okay. If that happens, I will give a nice speech at your funeral.” His left dimple popped behind his beard, and he thought he was funny.

“For real, Matt.” I hardly called him by his real name, but he knew when I did, it was time to get serious. “Am I just supposed to find out who she likes and then talk her up? I don’t know the first thing about straight relationships.” I gagged a little at the thought.

“Let’s be honest. You don’t know the first thing about any kind of relationship.”

I wanted to argue, but I couldn’t. After Davia left me with nothing but debt, I retreated into self-protection mode, which bordered on hermit territory. But no one knew that besides Matt because, on the outside, I was still living my best life. According to my viewers, I did something new and exciting each week. To the rest of the world, I was fearless, but I was a chicken shit in disguise.

“You’re right. So I shouldn’t be doing this.” If I was going to be incompetent, at least it should be a useful quality to get me out of stuff.

“Sorry, kid. It doesn’t work that way. This girl wants your help, and your fans want you to help. Therefore, the studio says, you’re helping.”

I sighed and knew this wasn’t up for debate. “Fine, but never call me kid again.” The fact that he was three months younger than me made it all the more irritating.

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