“It wasn’t what she said as much as how she acted. I read energy, and hers wasn’t… on the same wavelength as mine.” She spoke cautiously, and I was tired of reading between the lines.
“Do you think I have a shot or not?” I wanted her to come right out and say what she was thinking.
“You have more than a shot. Don’t you realize how incredible you are? If Ember doesn’t want to go out with you, that’s her loss—not yours.”
Although her words were touching, I remained skeptical that Ember would share the same perspective. Caz knew me, so she would see me in a better light. Did that mean Ember would give me the same consideration? Probably not. However, was the chance worth the risk? I guess I’d have to see for myself.
Chapter 17
Caz
Irecalled how, when Davia had left me, my tears became a constant companion for two months as I watched my world slowly unravel around me. After my uncontrollable crying, I sternly reminded myself that I needed to be stronger and not let my emotions consume me like that ever again. But tonight, without my say-so, they slipped down my cheeks while Shiloh comforted me.
My life had become an impenetrable fortress, but she managed to sneak through my defenses, which made me uneasy. And when she began massaging my back, my mind wandered to places it shouldn’t have—especially once I found out she still had a thing for Ember.
Shiloh wouldn’t be interested in me romantically if she were into the vapid type. So, we had made it full circle, from her taking care of me to me supporting her desire to ask out Ember.
It wasn’t the best situation for me when I was already emotional, but I would switch off my feelings and persevere. That was what I always did.
“So, are you still up for being my Yoda?” She stared at me with her gentle caramel eyes, and I hoped Ember would handle her heart with the care it deserved.
As much as I thought she could do better than Ember, it wasn’t my place to say so. But I thought it would be better to have me involved than not. That way, if anything terrible happened, I would be there to pick up the pieces. I knew all too well what it felt like to deal with rejection alone.
“You got it.” I offered my best, genuine smile, even though I wasn’t quite feeling it. I needed to change the subject before she questioned my reaction. “Is this for the show or just as friends?” I would do it either way, but I wouldn’t be mad if I didn’t have to do the Pepper Parade after all.
“Well, you need content, and I want to help you, too.”
“I appreciate that, but it’s only if you want to. There is no pressure, okay?” I didn’t selfishly want to let her do something just to please me.
“You’ve never made me feel pressured. You have been so understanding that I feel guilty for not overcoming my fears.” She was contrite, but she didn’t have a reason to be.
“Hey, it’s fine. But why don’t you talk to me about what you’re afraid of? Maybe that will make it better.” It was apparent she was shy, but there might be more to it than that.
She sat there for a minute, her eyes blankly fixed on a point across the room. “I get embarrassed easily. I feel stupid a lot, and I’m afraid to be the butt of the joke. And if this goes south, it’s not just you, me, and Ember who will know about it—but thousands of people who listen and watch you.”
Those were legitimate fears, and I couldn’t necessarily fix them, but I might be able to lessen their impact.
“I’m never going to allow you to look foolish. Even if something went sideways, I wouldn’t shoot anything live. People are interested in the journey, the fairytale, and that’s what we’ll give them, regardless of the outcome.” I wasn’t saying we would lie, but this was how the media worked. We dictated the narrative.
“Do you think it will be bad?” Her voice was so small, and her energy shifted.
“No! I think Ember is fucking lucky that you want to give her the time of day.”
She shook her head. “You’re just trying to build me up.”
I was doing that, but not falsely. I believed what I was saying. “Please trust me. You have a lot to offer.”
“I don’t know about that.” She hung her head, and I needed more to go on than just my feelings.
“Tell me three things you like about yourself.” I held up one finger, encouraging her to start.
“What kind of things?” She furrowed her brows.
“It doesn’t matter. It just has to be something you like.”
She raised her shoulders dismissively. “I don’t know.”
“That’s not good enough. I can start if you need me to.” I stared at her pointedly.