Page 18 of Love Off Script

Shiloh seemed to accept me as I was, and that was something new. I hoped she felt the same sense of belonging when she was with me.

“Oh really?” Her question caught me off guard because she appeared skeptical, and that was the last thing I wanted.

“Yes.” I stared at her quizzically.

“Did Yoni ask you out?”

I bit my lower lip because knowing their history now made it awkward, but I didn’t have anything to hide. “She did. But I turned her down gently.” I gave her a cheeky smile, hoping it would keep things relaxed.

She shook her head slightly. “Go figure. She came to talk after you left and probably wanted me to help her out with you, but I brushed her off.” There was a softness when she brought her caramel eyes to mine. “But I don’t want you to not go out with her because of me. I’m over her.”

I didn’t even know they had been together when I turned Yoni down, but I wasn’t looking for someone anyway—not to date or to have fun with. My life was better in the small world I had created for myself. If I tried to fit anyone else in it, I would probably suffocate.

“I appreciate your approval, but I’m not interested in Yoni. And even if you are over her, it’s okay not to want me to date her. I’m your friend, and I don’t think it’s kosher to be with your ex, no matter how you feel about her. And I think you should speak up more. Don’t just say what you think the other person wants to hear. Your feelings are valid, even if you don’t have ‘reasons’ for them.” I didn’t mean to turn this into a TED talk, but it was something she needed to learn sooner than later.

We all had things we could work on to improve ourselves, and Shiloh could put this into practice in all aspects of her life—not just dating. I wanted to pat myself on the back because maybe my years of therapy made me more qualified than I thought.

Chapter 10

Shiloh

As I stared into Caz’s caring blue eyes, I realized she wasn’t putting on a show for me. She wasn’t placating me and telling me what I wanted to hear. She seemed so genuine, which lowered my guard a little.

“I appreciate your honesty and validation. Yoni isn’t someone I want to be with, but as my friend, I wouldn’t want you to be with her, either. But that’s only because I think you deserve better.”

Before tonight, I didn’t want Yoni to be with Caz for somewhat selfish reasons, but now I realized that Caz wasn’t here to help me get a date. She was teaching me how to look out for myself.

“I don’t know about that. I probably don’t deserve anyone, but I appreciate how you see me.” She winked, and I could see why Yoni fawned over her when she did it.

There was this sparkle about her that made you feel like you were the only person in the room. Granted, I was the only person in the room, but when I was around her, she never made me doubt she wanted to be with me. She didn’t scroll through her phone, interrupt me, or zone out completely.

Sonya and Devon did those things a lot, but in their defense, they were high most of the time. Was that an actual defense? Probably not, since it was a choice, but it still changed how they responded to me.

Caz, on the other hand, was attentive and thoughtful. She had an acquired sense of humor, but I enjoyed it. In the two days I’d spoken to her, I felt more like myself around her than I did with my own family. Was that happy or tragic? I would go with the bright spot and say it was good.

“You know how you want me to speak up? Well, there’s something I want you to do, too.”

She quirked one thick brow in my direction, and I almost lost my train of thought. I was so jealous of her ability to do that.

“And what is that?” she prompted, and I was embarrassed I had been studying her face.

“Sorry. Yes. I would like you to see yourself through my eyes. You said you didn’t deserve anyone, but that’s absurd. You are here, helping me out of the kindness of your heart.”

“Technically, it’s for the show, but I am enjoying it.”

“Not all of it is for the show. You are helping me with my shyness, getting me to stand my ground and set boundaries. And you haven’t taped one thing for the show, but you keep giving me your time and attention. It means a lot to me.”

She hung her head for a minute, then exhaled deeply. “I believe in you and don’t want to see you taken advantage of.”

“And that is why you’d make an amazing partner for someone. You want to bring out the best in them, and I hope you can see the best in you.”

The compliment seemed to make her uncomfortable, and she waved her hand in front of her as if trying to brush it away. “Enough sappy talk. Let’s order food and get down to business.”

I could tell she wasn’t used to the praise, and I understood that, so I dropped it. “Sounds good. I’m starving.”

“What’s your favorite place?” She picked up her phone and waited for my reply.

“I don’t care. Anywhere you want is fine.” I wasn’t super picky as long as they had meatless options.

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