Page 5 of Forever Love-Reimagined

“No effing way am?—”

He put his finger over my lips, stopping me from losing my shit at work. “Calm down. I said you were busy this week, but maybe next week.” He acted like that was better, but I wasn't impressed unless he could keep putting her off indefinitely.

“Well, lunch with Mommy Dearest is something to look forward to. It’s right up there with the mandatory celebration Greg informed me I had to attend.”

“I’ll figure something out with your mom, but I’m not sure I can help you get out of the party. Do you think it’s going to be that bad?”

I was sure he would rather talk about that than my mom, so I let the subject change happen. “I don’t know. It seems weird to say it’s something for us, but then don’t give us the choice if we want to go or not.”

“I’ll be there, and you could always ask Steph. I’m sure she would love to be your arm candy.” He winked, but he had no idea the emotions that sentence evoked.

Ty was my best friend and had been since we bonded about being the only queer kids out in our middle school. He usually read me like a book, so the fact that he didn’t realize my reservations about Steph made me wonder if I should bring it up or not.

“What’s that look?” He circled a finger around in front of my face, and I shrugged.

Even though he and I were close, I sometimes struggled with sharing the internal dialogue that ran through my head. On the surface, I was aloof and didn’t let many things shake me. But when I dug deep into my thoughts, I was broken when it came to love.

“Don’t play, coy. I saw what I saw. Is there something going on with you and Steph? Spill the tea, Queen B.” He chuckled, knowing I hated that nickname.

I mean, I didn’t mind it when I thought it was for Queen Blake, but one time he got drunk and told me he called me that for Queen Bitch, and it never set well with me after that. Not that I couldn’t be a hardass at times, but I wouldn’t allow him to call me out on it. Besides, if anyone was bitchy, it was him.

“I’m not playing anything. And what did I tell you about calling me that?” I gave him a severe eyebrow, and he had the decency to look apologetic.

“Old habits. Sorry. So, are you having doubts about Steph?” He wasn’t letting this drop, and maybe I didn’t want him to.

Maybe I should talk to him and see if I was overreacting, but not here where the walls had ears.

“Come to my office?” It wasn’t really a question. There was no doubt he would follow me if he would be getting some dirt.

As soon as we got inside and he shut the door, his face lit up.

“It’s so good we needed a private conference?” His eyebrows danced, and I sighed as I sat at my desk.

“I don’t know if it’s good, but I could use your advice, I guess?”

“Well, that’s obvious. You would be lost if I wasn’t here to guide you. But I’m going to need more to go on. What gives?”

I sighed. “I’m not sure. I don’t think I’m a relationship person.” I figured that was the best way to describe it.

“I get that,” he said calmly. I wasn’t keen on him agreeing so quickly, but I would let him continue. “Does she know that? I mean, you’re living together. When did you start having concerns?”

I wished these feelings were a recent development, but they weren’t. I never considered myself a one-woman person. It wasn’t that I wanted to play the field or anything; I never understood what love was because of how I grew up.

My parents were in a marriage based on status that was plagued with infidelity. Not to mention all of their disparaging remarks toward each other as well as toward me. Being an only child who felt like I had to earn their love but was never quite good enough to obtain it didn’t start me off on the right path for forging healthy connections. The two of them gave me a skewed perspective regarding dating or love, and I never entirely understood the appeal of relationships.

“I know we live together, and she’s my first serious partner, so maybe I’m just getting cold feet because of it, but there is a nagging voice in the back of my head that is telling me something isn’t right.” It was weird saying this out loud because it made it more real, but it was also freeing.

“Blake, you have to talk to her?” His voice was stern, but he was right.

“Or you could. Maybe find out if she wants out, too.”

He rubbed soothing circles on my back, and I flinched a little. I wasn’t used to him being affectionate. “Not no, but hell no.” The sentimental moment ended before it began. “Why did you ask her to move in if you had these doubts?”

That was a good question, but I didn’t technically ask her anything. It happened by default. Her lease ran out on her apartment a little while back, and since she had nowhere to go, she moved in. She didn’t make me unhappy, but sometimes I wondered if we wanted two different things.

She seemed content with getting by in life. She was younger than me and didn’t have a steady job. It wasn't a big deal because I had ample money for both of us, but at times it seemed I was more of a sugar momma than a partner.

"I have no idea what I'm even saying." I’m sure it’s nothing. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

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