Page 28 of Forever Love-Reimagined

But she tapped away on her phone as if she were writing a novel. Eventually, she turned to face me. “I don’t think I’m up for much.” She sighed.

I was getting frustrated because I honestly wasn’t sure how to make things better. Relationships took work, but she seemed to be thwarting my efforts, and I was helpless. The only thing I could do was allow her to make the choices and see where it went.

“If you don’t want to do anything, we don’t have to. I’ll let you decide. I want you to be happy, babe.”

Her eyes softened, and she set her phone on her lap. “Thank you, but I’m not very good company right now. I have a lot on my mind.”

“That’s okay. Why don’t we talk about it? We could always grab the food and return to the house where there won’t be any distractions.”

She smiled, but it didn’t seem to reach her eyes. “That sounds good. Why don’t we grab some Italian and go home?”

Now, she was choosing my favorite food? Maybe she realized my genuineness, and she was ready to make nice. But I wasn’t going to be selfish. I had a lot to make up for. Not just the incident, but I realized I hadn’t put in enough effort before. I’d never had to think outside of myself, so this didn’t come naturally to me, but after our lunch date, I had to make a change, or I would end up like my parents—in a relationship of convenience.

“We aren’t getting Italian. You want sushi, and I want you to have it. We can eat while curled on the couch, talk, watch TV, or whatever. I want to spend time with you, and I don’t care what we do as long as we’re together.”

Her only response was to pick up her phone and talk to someone else. I glanced at her, and she didn’t take her eyes off what she was doing. She giggled, and annoyance bubbled at the surface because she wasn’t involved in our conversation at all.

“Do you want to share what’s so funny?”

She cleared her throat. “Nothing. Sushi is fine. And hanging out at home works with my schedule.”

Her schedule? Was she making other plans? Did she have some other place she wanted to be?

I had to shake off my negative feelings, or I was bound to start an entirely different fight. “All right. Food, then home it is.”

We grabbed a few California rolls, some shrimp tempura rolls, and sashimi before going back to our place. I was trying to give her what she wanted, and hoped she would put an end to this hot-and-cold game she seemed to be playing.

After placing the food on the coffee table, I snuggled onto the couch. Steph eventually joined me, carrying the bottle of wine from last night. She poured each of us a glass, then set them next to our plates. She finally sat down on the far end of the couch and immediately grabbed her phone, letting her fingers dance across the screen.

Everything about this day was off, and it seemed like a lost cause. I wasn’t the type to give up on things, but it also shouldn’t be this hard to apologize to someone you loved and who supposedly loved you.

“Babe, if you have someone else you’d rather talk to, please don’t let me keep you.” I was afraid that I came off passive-aggressive, but I didn’t want to be with someone who didn’t want to be with me.

She set her phone face down on the table and glanced in my direction. She cocked her head to the side like a questioning pit bull. “Does it bother you that I’m talking to someone else?” Her tone was sharp, and it felt like she wanted a reaction from me.

“No. I’m not bothered by it. But we don’t have to do this right now if you're busy. I’ve been trying to make up with you, but it feels like you’re not open to that. I understand if you need time to cool off or be alone. I don’t want to push you, but I hope you realize I’m truly sorry.”

“Look, I said I wasn’t mad before, but I was wrong. The more I think about it, the more upset I am. You saying you were drawn to this other person made me believe you weren’t attracted to me anymore.”

That wasn’t true at all. I thought she was as beautiful as the day I’d met her. But I didn’t want to cut her off.

“Not to mention how complacent you are in this relationship. Before a couple of nights ago, were you even aware of how long it had been since we had sex? It was three weeks, Blake. Three weeks, you didn’t even touch me, except to sometimes give me a kiss goodnight.” She exhaled deeply, but I was pretty sure she wasn’t finished and instead was picking up steam.

“Yeah, you’re making an effort now, but how long will that last? I need attention and to be desired, but I’m not sure you can give me those things. Our situation is difficult right now because I’m between jobs, and you’re working so much, but things have to change, or I’ll find someone else to give me what I want. We’ve been together for a while now, but I think it’s time to discuss where we see this going.” She concluded her discourse, and I realized the hurt was deep.

“Babe.” I reached for her hand, but she shook me off. “I’m so sorry I’ve made mistakes. I never meant I was ‘drawn’ to someone else. It was like I was being pulled by something.” That wasn’t entirely true, but maybe I could trick my brain into believing it.

“You’re gorgeous, and I’m not sure where this doubt comes from, but I want to make things right. I’ve been absent recently because I had to be. Not because I wanted to be. And I know you’re also struggling because you lost your dream job. But we don’t need to start throwing out ultimatums, or whatever it is you’re insinuating.” The last thing I wanted was to be a pawn in a game.

“I’ll be here for you—always. And I want to know if I’m not giving you what you need. But if you can’t talk to me and instead want to make me jealous, that’s not okay with me. Besides, I don’t get jealous.”

Her eyes turned to slits, at my last sentence, but it was the truth. I had to fight my entire life not to be like my parents, and that included how I handled my issues head-on instead of making it a battle over power.

“Blake, do you even love me? Do you see us being together for the long haul? Or did you ask me to move in with you because my lease was up?”

It was true. We turned into something serious by accident, but I would do anything to make it work once I was in it. However, since this was my first time in a committed relationship, I wasn’t doing the best job, but that didn’t mean I didn’t love her.

“If you have to ask if I love you, then I must not be doing something right.” I hung my head because I never wanted her to question my intentions.

---