Page 46 of Fire

“Save lives together.”

I shrug off the compliment. “That’s the strangest thing about my job. We actively hope to never use the skills we train the most.” I explain about learning to cook and finding some measure of peace in providing good food for the other firefighters, then ramble on about the EMT training, and all the other skills I never thought I’d learn.

“Tomorrow is one of my favorite things, community outreach. Going to the schools, talking about fire safety, letting the kids tour the truck. I love it. They’re so enthusiastic. So real. They’re not jaded or worried about what they’re supposed to do and be. They just are who they are, and I seriously dig that. I leave the school feeling like I made an impact, like maybe, if the worst happens and one of those kids is caught in a fire, they’ll know what to do and won’t end up hurt.”

Ivy is quiet, staring at me with this strange look in her eyes as I finish the dishes.

“What?” I turn off the water and dry my hands. “Did I say something stupid?”

“Dad always said Nell was better off not having you in her life. He was so wrong.”

I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that. He was wrong. I deserved a chance to be in Nell’s life and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure she’s better now that I am. Fuck Franklin Cole for everything he did to shove a wedge between us. And while I’m at it, fuck Ivy for listening to him and fuck me for not trying harder to get a hold of her and fuck one-time things and fuck awkward breakfasts, and just fuck this whole stupid disaster of a situation.

“Did she ever hear your dad say those things?” My voice is quiet, my attention on my hands as I hang the towel back on the stove. “Does she think her father’s worthless?”

Ivy shakes her head. “He never said any of that around Nell. That was for me and me alone.”

“But what did you tell her about me?” I can barely bring myself to meet Ivy’s eyes. I’m not even sure I want to hear her answer.

“I told her there are all kinds of families in the world. That some are big with mommies and daddies and brothers and sisters, and that others are small. I left it at that and hoped I’d have something better to say when she got older and asked tougher questions.”

I hang my head, battling guilt I’m not sure I’ve earned. “Has she ever asked about me?”

“A few times.” Ivy leans on the counter and I meet her eyes.

“What did you say?”

“I told her she was the best parts of her dad. Smart and strong and filled with energy and questions. And I told her she looked just like him, that the only thing she got from me was my hair, which made her a very lucky little girl.”

“Considering what you thought I did, I’m honored you were that nice about it.”

“Part of me always knew you didn’t abandon us.”

You abandoned me first.

It’s a bitter thought, still tied to the hurt I felt when she broke things off and then disappeared. Maybe it’s time to get all that out in the open. Maybe we need to stop dancing around the hard stuff and clear the air so we can start moving forward as friends, or hell, more than friends.

I clear my throat, but Ivy speaks first.

“What are your plans for the day?” she asks, and just like that, the moment for important conversation has passed.

“I’m gonna check on that friend of mine who was injured at work. I show my love by bringing groceries and toys for the kids and he shows his by telling me he doesn’t need my help. What about you? Any big plans for the day?”

“I have to call Julian.” Ivy wraps her arms around her stomach, visibly shrinking in on herself. “I meant to call him last night, to tell him I’m not coming back, but then you and I got talking and, well, you know.” She gives me a sheepish grin. “After what we did, it’s officially time to break things off with him. He deserves to know it’s over.”

Given what I think I know of the guy, I think he’s already gotten what he deserves. “Do you want me to stick around? For moral support?”

Ivy shakes her head. “No, no. You go take care of your friend. I’ll be fine. Besides, I’ll be out looking for a job afterwards, which will bring me one step closer to affording an apartment so you can go back to normal life.”

My entire body rejects her statement. I don’t want her to leave. I just got her back. “You don’t have to rush to get a job, Ives. I’m happy to step up for a while.”

Her brows furrow, her shoulders slump, her gaze drops to her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. “I feel like I need to support myself for a change.”

Shit. Right. Because she’s spent years dependent on other people. And I just admitted I show my love through support.

Smiling, I rake my hands through my hair.

When did everything get so complicated?

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