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“I’m here to help.” Julian’s smile is the one that made me fall in love with him. The one I haven’t seen in years. “Do you remember when we first met? You were so afraid because you couldn’t provide for Nell. You didn’t think you could raise her right because she’s always been too difficult for you. You said I was the strong influence she needed.”

I don’t remember saying or thinking any of that. I open my mouth to say as much, but Julian presses forward.

“And I told you not to worry.” He’s soft. Placating. Like he’s trying to hypnotize me. “I told you I’d provide for you. For her. That you wouldn’t want for anything as long as you were with me.”

“And you broke that promise.” I move to close the door, but Julian shoves his foot inside.

“Bullshit!” He clears his throat and swallows back his anger. “Tell me one thing you needed, hell, one thing you wanted, just name one thing you didn’t have with me.”

“Love. Confidence. A voice. The ability to make decisions for myself.”

He scoffs, instantly dismissing the most important issue between us. “You made plenty of decisions.”

“Did I? Or did I worry about which decision you’d approve of until I forgot what I thought was right? Until I only knew how to want what you wanted?”

“Baby,” he says and we both flinch. Julian has never called me that before. “I love you, but how is it my fault that you’re neurotic?”

I hate that stupid word.

“I wasn’t neurotic before I moved in with you.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m sure your father would disagree with that.”

“Do you not see what you’re doing? How you’re tearing me down, trying to manipulate me? This conversation is a microcosm of our life together.”

“You’re right. It is. Here I am, loving you so much that I’m willing to do anything to fix your mistakes. Again.”

I shake my head. Is he that clueless? Does he really think this is how you show someone love? By belittling them? By putting himself on a pedestal and expecting me to crawl right back?

“You’re here to talk me into coming back to Seattle and marrying you, and your plan of attack so far has been just that. An attack. You’ve called me names. You’ve cast judgments on my ability to make decisions and know my own mind. You belittled me.”

“Because I’m worried about you.”

“Ahh. Yes. That must be it.”

“Of course that’s it! Why else would I be here?”

“Because without me to feed your narcissistic ego, you’re stuck alone, with yourself. And you’re not all that easy to be around.”

He stares. Dumbfounded. There’s a moment where I think maybe I’ve gotten through to him, but he blinks and the moment’s gone.

“I am so hurt you see me that way.” Julian takes a step back, eyeing Micah’s house. “Though, maybe I’m the fool here. You’ve found another man to support you. I shouldn’t be surprised to learn you never loved me…only what I could give you.”

“I loved you, Julian! Nell loved you! We trusted you with our hearts, our minds, our emotional health, and all you did was twist us up until neither of us were comfortable taking a breath without checking to see if you approved.”

“That’s not fair.”

“You’re right. It’s not. You’ve painted yourself as this blameless hero, but we’re broken because of you. You didn’t save us. You destroyed us. Then held us hostage because I believed you when you said I couldn’t survive without you. I believed you!”

“And you should have! You’re down here patting yourself on the back, but you’re not surviving on your own. Whoever this poor sap is, he’s propping you up, same as I did. You’re a parasite, Ivy, sucking resources from whoever’s stupid enough to believe your victim act, and you’re teaching Nell to be the same way. To make matters worse, the guy who abandoned you is suddenly your hero? And I’m the abuser? Don’t you see how twisted this is?” He draws his hands down his face. “You know what? You’re right. This? You and me? We’re done. We’ve been done. I can’t believe I didn’t see how manipulative you are. And you call me the narcissist?” His laughter is cruel, satisfied and smug. He’s in the middle of writing that definition of me over all our interactions, hefting all the blame from him, onto me.

Thankfully, none of that matters. He can see me however he wants because his part in my life is over.

Micah has reminded me what it means to love and be loved. How to be in a relationship that gives and takes in a natural ebb and flow.

I meet Julian’s eyes, ready to end the conversation once and for all, when Micah’s car turns into the drive.

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

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