Page 64 of Fire

My eyes crack open, and I blink, trying to clear the sleep out of them enough to focus on what’s happening. “Micah?” I push up on an elbow. “What’s wrong?”

Judging by the softness of the light from the window, it’s early, the sun only just beginning to rise.

“I have to go to work.” His voice is tense and he’s still hovering over me, his hand on my shoulder like he can’t bring himself to let go.

“But it’s your day off.” Frowning, I sit up, my body understanding the implications faster than my brain.

“There’s a fire. A big one in one of the warehouse districts with people trapped inside. The chief called all-hands-on-deck to get it under control. I have to go but you matter more than a silly note on the table, Ivy. I didn’t want you to worry if you woke up before I’m home.”

“But should I?” Adrenaline has me wide awake. “Worry?”

“I’ll be fine. And if I do my job right, everyone else will be too. Go on back to sleep if you can.”

I wipe my face, blinking up at him, finally registering the intensity in his eyes.

Micah’s nervous but trying to hide it.

He presses a kiss into my hair, inhaling deeply. The dramatic part of me worries he’s saying goodbye in case the worst happens, so I tilt my face and press my lips to his. “Come home to me, Micah.”

“You know I will.”

It isn’t until after he leaves that I realize he didn’t say he promised.

* * *

Morning becomes afternoon and I don’t hear from Micah. Afternoon becomes evening and I’m a pacing mess, refreshing the local news sites for any info on the fire. The pictures and videos look awful. Huge flames with choking black smoke pouring out of broken windows. Sirens and lights and somewhere in that disaster is Micah.

Grandma invites Nell for an overnight and I happily take her up on the offer. I’m too distracted to be a good mom today. I pack her bags and we play a silly game while we wait for Grandma, then I perch on the couch and continue to refresh news sites after she leaves.

Finally, who knows how long later, I hear Micah’s feet on the steps and race to the door, throwing it open as he reaches the landing.

His face is drawn. His eyes haunted. He smiles, but it’s empty. “You have no idea how glad I am to see you.”

He pulls me into his arms, holding me close, swaying on the porch as the sun kisses the horizon. He smells of soap and his hair is damp. He must have showered at the station before coming home.

“It looked so bad on the news,” I whisper, and when his eyes hit mine, I know something terrible happened today. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I…” Micah looks tortured. Broken. Like his world is ending and I feel so helpless. “A woman died today,” he says in a low voice. “A mother. A wife. A daughter. I found her in that fire, trapped. I got her out of the building, but I was too late. She’s gone and her family has to deal with that.”

I grip the railing, thinking of him fighting for this woman’s life and having to watch her slip away. “I’m sure you did everything you could…”

“But it wasn’t enough!” Micah stands, hands out, like he’s reaching for me, but then he threads them into his hair. “And through the whole thing, you were all I could think about. I lost you once and it broke me. And now you’re back and this is so wonderful, but I can’t just be your friend. Not when an entire life can end, just like that.” He snaps his fingers and lets out a shaky breath.

His gaze burns into mine, filled with all the things we’ve said and things that still need to be said. I release the rail and move toward him, drawn to him like my heart beats in his chest. Breathless, I take his hands.

Micah stares down at our fingers, running his thumb against my skin. He swallows hard and meets my eyes. “I love you, Ivy. I’ve always loved you. It’s always, always been you. And I’m trying so hard to respect your boundaries, to move at your pace, but what I saw today…” He hangs his head. “The thought of losing you again destroyed me. And what’s worse? I don’t even have you back yet. I’m afraid to move. Afraid to take care of you the way I want to. Afraid to tell you I never wanted this to be a one-time thing or a two-time thing. I don’t want to just be friends! I want you! All of you! But you’ve been through so much, and I’m trying to be what you need, so I keep my mouth shut and sit back, waiting for you to give me the all clear. Because the last time things got hard for us, you broke up with me. No explanations. No warning. You just decided we were done and disappeared.”

Micah turns away, staring at the sky like the answers might be up there and I shake my head.

“You keep saying that, but I didn’t break up with you, Micah. I didn’t.”

He leans on the railing, his jaw set. “You sent me two texts. Two.” He holds up his fingers and lifts his brows. “‘I’m so unhappy. This isn’t working.’ Then nothing. You might as well have fallen off the face of the Earth. That feels a whole lot like breaking up with someone to me.”

Every ounce of oxygen leaves my lungs. I remember those texts and I didn’t send them for the reason he thinks. “That’s not what happened. Not even close.”

“Then what happened, Ives? Because from my point of view, those two texts set this whole misunderstanding in motion. They’re the reason I broke my phone in the first place. And they’re the reason I second guess every move I make with you now.”

I run my hands into my hair, staring back through time and wishing I could warn younger me not to listen to my father. “Remember how Dad kept restricting my phone time?”

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