Page 58 of Fire

He won’t.

He knows what I’ve been through and is trying to be what I need, but I wish he’d take the choice away from me so I can stop agonizing over it all…

And that thought, that one right there, makes it clear I’m not ready to be in a relationship. If I’m not strong enough to make the choice myself, then I’m not strong enough to be with someone.

When I broke up with Julian, he jumped right to me sleeping with someone else, to me letting another man support me. In a way, he was right. I did sleep with Micah, and I wouldn’t have a place to stay if it wasn’t for him. And while the real story isn’t nearly as manipulative as it might look on the outside, the thought of Micah believing that about me, even a little, makes me sick to my stomach. He deserves to know I’m with him for the right reasons. I have to be able to support myself before anything else happens between us.

Grandma checks her phone again, holding it at an angle so I can’t see the screen. That’s odd, especially from someone who recently made fancy speeches about adults not needing to hide things from each other.

“Everything okay with the construction crew?”

The insurance settlement came through and repair started on Nell’s room yesterday. Maybe that’s who she’s talking to.

“Okay?” Grandma gives me that crooked grin I love so much. “Three strong, young men were sweating and shirtless in my house for several hours yesterday. I brought them so many glasses of lemonade as an excuse to stare, they’re gonna start wondering if I’m losing my marbles.”

She checks her phone again, then leans against the railing, looking more and more like there’s something she’s not telling me. “Have you made any lemonade for Micah?” The twinkle in her eyes says she’s not talking about a zesty citrus beverage.

“Grandma!”

“What? I know too much about the world to believe you’re sharing a house with a man who looks like that, a man whose last name used to show up next to your first name on all your notebooks, might I add…” She lifts a finger, her eyebrows, and the corners of her lips into a smile. “I know too much to think you’re just happily living as friends and that’s that.”

“There may have been some…lemonade.” I grin, remembering the feel of his lips against mine, preparing to spill the details and actually looking forward to it. Keeping all this to myself is starting to make me feel like a bottle of shaken cola. It’ll feel good to talk to someone and release the pressure, especially someone who’s rooted for me to fall into bed with Micah since this whole thing started.

“I knew there were juicy details you weren’t sharing…” Grandma peeks at her phone and her eyes go wide. “Oh! Look at the time! Well, I’ve kept you long enough.” She puts her hands on my shoulders and marches me to the car. “Nell! Sweets! It’s time to go!”

I stammer and stutter, confused by the sudden change, then accept her hug before lowering myself into the driver’s seat. She buckles Nell in, then actually shoos us off, her grin more crooked than ever.

“That was weird,” I murmur, and Nell agrees, though when we get back to Micah’s house, the weirdness continues.

He waits in the driveway in a pair of cargo shorts, his chest bare and gleaming with sweat, his shirt tucked into his back pocket. He’s grinning and I’m staring and suddenly, I wonder where I could get my hands on a glass of lemonade.

Maybe we were right that night on the couch. Maybe a two-time thing would be perfectly fine. This is Micah, after all. He doesn’t play mind games like Julian. Do I really need to worry this much about boundaries with him?

“Don’t be mad,” he says as I climb out of the car.

“Why would I be mad?”

“I did something you might not like at first, but you’re gonna appreciate in time.”

“This wouldn’t have anything to do with Grandma’s obsession with her phone during our visit, would it?”

“It might. And she fully supports the idea, by the way. In case that helps.” Micah takes my hand and leads me into the house, through the living room, and up the stairs with Nell trailing behind. We stop just outside my room.

“Just remember,” he says through the biggest grin I’ve ever seen, “I asked you to switch rooms with me and you refused. You basically left me no option.”

And suddenly I have a suspicion about what’s going on. He hated the idea of me sleeping on that cot from the first time he saw it. “What did you do?”

“It’s probably better if I just show you.” With that, he steps aside, gesturing toward my room.

“I told you I was fine…” I gasp as I move through the doorway. Instead of a sterile office with a desk collecting dust, there’s a giant bed with a lush cream comforter and throw pillows in different shades of blue. A dresser sits under the window, which is now covered with gauzy curtains instead of just blinds. A vase of fresh flowers sits on a nightstand.

“It’s not much, I know, but the blue reminds me of your eyes and I’m sorry, but you can tell me you were fine on that cot all you want, but you weren’t. You couldn’t be.”

Nell peers around me, then steps into the room with a grin. “Now I won’t feel bad that I have a bed like a cloud and you don’t.”

“Exactly.” Micah ruffles her hair, and she ducks out of the way.

I don’t know how to feel about this. On one hand, it’s so thoughtful and he was right, the cot did suck. But if Julian saw this, he’d be leaning against the wall, shaking his head, filled with judgment.

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