Page 51 of Fire

I crouch down to meet the kids on eye level. “Fear’s job is to tell you when there’s danger around, and fires are dangerous. Believe me, I still get scared. It all comes down to how you manage the feeling. I can let it stop me from doing what I know I have to do, or I can let it inspire me to be better. I’m no different than you kids. I know you all get scared sometimes just like I do. The next time it happens, remember, you get to choose how you react to it.”

The kids gape at me with mixtures of blank stares, awed smiles, and something that looks like bad gas.

“I get real scared when there’s monsters under my bed,” whispers a little girl near the back while several kids nod in sage agreement.

“You guys look like each other.” Giuseppe glances from me to Nell and back again. At first, I’m glad for the interruption because I have no idea how to deal with monsters under the bed, but then I process what he said.

“No, we don’t.” Nell rolls her eyes. “He has brown hair and I have white, like my mommy’s.” Though, as soon as she finishes the sentence, her little brows furrow and her head cocks.

Ten bucks says we’re both remembering what Ivy said when Nell asked about me.

I told her she was the best parts of her dad. Smart and strong and filled with energy and questions. And I told her she looked just like him, that the only thing she got from me was my hair, which made her a very lucky little girl.

“But your eyes are the same.” Giuseppe squints. “And your lips. It’s kinda weird. Cuz he’s old and a boy and you’re little and a girl, but it’s like your twins.”

Well, shit. Nothing like being outed by a little kid.

Nell studies my face like she’s seeing it for the first time. For that matter, everyone in the truck is studying the similarities between us. One glance at Carson tells me he’s already suspicious and when I look back to Nell, I swear she is, too.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Ivy

Nell’s quiet when she gets home from school and quiet some more during dinner.

“You okay, Nell Bell? Did something happen at school today?”

“We had the fire truck ‘ssembly.” She shoves her food around her plate.

“I didn’t know that was your school. That’s so neat! Did you see Micah?”

Nell nods. “We got to look at his truck. It was real cool. Especially when he turned on the sirens and lights.”

Everything she’s saying sounds perfectly normal, except she’s lacking the exuberance I’d expect from my little girl.

“Did you get to introduce him to your friends?”

“Giuseppe met him. Well, the whole class did. But Giuseppe really got to talk to him cuz he’s always talking anyways.”

I ask a few more probing questions but get the same kind of answers. Nothing about the conversation should set off my alarm bells, but everything about it does. We move through the evening. Nell swims while I sit on the deck and follow up on my job search. We watch a movie, and she takes her bath. She’s quiet the entire time.

I go to bed unsettled. Something’s bugging her.

And it’s the first time in her life she didn’t immediately come to me with the problem.

* * *

Micah

It’s never easy to get a good night’s rest in the bunk room at the fire station. But tonight? I can’t keep my eyes closed long enough to convince sleep to come. The interaction with Nell and her friend keeps going round and round in my mind. She stared at me so hard after that kid said we looked alike. Did she see the similarities? Did she agree? Did it mean anything, or has she moved on to something else already?

Kids have short attention spans. Hell, I have a short attention span and I’m a grown up. Nell’s probably already forgotten the whole thing.

I roll onto my side, which only encourages a new set of questions to pipe up.

Is it time? Is it time to tell her I’m her father? Or would that be too much for her, considering we’re still basically strangers?

Fuck it. Sleep isn’t coming. I toss the blanket off and sit up with a growl. Maybe I need to tire myself out. I change, then head to the workout room where I focus on the feel of the bar during bench presses, on the contraction of the muscles, on my breath, the sweat, but still…

---