Page 18 of Fire

“You’d think you’d learn to stop asking questions you don’t want the answer to.”

It kills me to see him like this. Knowing that if I’d acted faster, if I’d paid better attention, he never would have been caught off-guard. The beam wouldn’t have fallen. Tucker would be fine. No fractures in his leg. No internal bleeding. If I was just a little better, a little faster, he’d be up, moving, and giving me hell at the station instead of being stuck on the couch for months.

But I’m not here to wallow in my failures. I’m here to make sure my friend and his family are taken care of.

“Look at me, standing here dripping, when I’ve got gifts to distribute.” I head back to the hallway with the twins hopping and skipping behind, singing a touching, if offkey rendition of The Name Game Song.

Analise and I put the food away while Tucker helps the children remove their new toys from the packages. After all is said and done, I find myself back in the living room, alone with my friend.

“You doing okay?” he asks, frowning as he studies me like I’m fifteen and hiding a case of beer under my shirt.

“I’m great, man. Never been better.” I flinch in surprise, refreshing my grin. “Are we doing this wrong? Because I feel like I should be the one asking you that question.”

“It’s just that the dark circles under your eyes and that weird thing you’re doing with your face would say you’re not doing okay.”

“Weird thing…you mean smiling?”

“I’ve known you a long time, Tower.” Tucker clasps his thick hands over his belly, flinches, then throws me a look like I’m full of shit. “That’s not your smile.”

“Wow. Now I’m gonna be all weirded out about my face.”

“You know there was nothing you could do.” His voice is the kind of quiet reserved for funerals, secrets, and unpleasant truths. “That beam was gonna fall. I was the one who walked under it.”

I let out a long sigh, sucking my cheeks as I watch the rain on the other side of the window, elbows on knees, mind on the beam I should have known wasn’t stable.

“I’m alive because of you.”

My gaze cuts Tucker’s way. “You could have been alive and walking if I’d paid better attention.”

“Not only do I outrank you, but I’m the one who ran into the building, Tower. And you’re the one who pulled me out of it. You’ve got to let this go.”

“You might outrank me, but I was the officer in charge. Besides, just because I’m taking care of my friend doesn’t mean I have some unresolved trauma I’m dealing with.” I smile, then purposefully make it too big, widening my eyes and showing too many teeth. “Oh no. I’m doing it again, aren’t I? That weird thing with my face? Flora? Mitchell? I need help! I think my face is broken and I can’t fix it!”

My statement wreaks the havoc I needed it to, and all hell breaks loose while the kids try to move my lips into something that looks like a smile. Afterwards, Analise laughs, shaking her head.

“You would make such a great dad.”

“You’re skipping a few steps, don’t ya think?” Tucker shifts, grunting under the weight of his cast. “Tower here needs a girlfriend first. Then a wife. Then…”

“Hey now.” I wave off the rest of whatever he’s about to say. “The closest I ever got to kids was my girlfriend in high school swearing she’d name our daughter Michaela…after me of course.” I put a hand to my chest, ignoring the strange sensation in my heart. Ivy named her daughter Nell. Not Michaela.

And if Nathan comes through on my plan, she’ll be living with me.

Fucking nuts, man. The whole thing is fucking nuts.

“What is it with you women and pushing for commitment right out of the gate?” Tucker shakes his head at his wife. “Naming future kids while you’re still in high school. I mean come on…”

Talking about kids and commitment didn’t feel crazy back then. It felt like the next logical step. I swore to Ivy that I’d love her forever and I meant it. She swore it right back and I believed her.

Analise swats Tucker on the shoulder for his sexist remark. He feigns injury, and the moment to defend Ivy’s honor passes.

I huff a quiet laugh.

Seems like it passed a long time ago.

Though wouldn’t you know. As soon as I finish the thought, a text comes in from Nathan. Don’t ask me how I did it, but your anonymous donation is a go, as is your creepy reveal. You get to be there and offer Ivy the space yourself.

We make plans for the meeting in three days, since I work tomorrow and will need the day after to get things in order. Twenty-four-hour shifts are both a blessing and a curse.

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