Page 31 of This Is Why

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I hate hospitals.Hate them. Up until the day I met Lexi for lunch at Grayson Memorial, there hasn’t been one time in my entire life that I’ve been glad to visit a hospital. It’s always tragic. The hushed atmosphere. The people suffering, be it the patient dealing with whatever trauma brought them there or the family trying to hold it together long enough to stay strong for each other. Today, though, officially counts as the second time I’ve been glad to visit a hospital.

“He’s perfect, Paige.” I smile down at the bundle in my arms. It’s hard to tell if he looks more like his mom or his dad because he’s nothing more than a little lump in a blue beanie who can’t control his facial expressions. “LittleLeo.”

“My little lion.” My sister leans over to stare at her son in my arms. Her blonde hair is pulled back in an unceremonious knot and she’s not wearing any makeup, but she looks happier than I’ve ever seen her. “You look good holding a little one,” she says. “Very natural. Although, I suppose given your age and your marriage to the Marine Corps, it’s too much to hope that Leo might have a cousin to play with anytimesoon.”

I inwardly grimace while maintaining my outward composure. I didn’t tell my sister about Gabe the first time I came to visit because it was all so new still. Now, it feels wrong that she doesn’t know I have a son because we have spent our life telling each other everything. I was her rock until her husband came into the picture and took over the job. Why would I hide something this big from her? There’s no shame here. None atall.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been around much.” Leo coos and stretches and I smile down athim.

“Yeah. About that. What gives, jerk?”

“I ran into someone I used to know and she had a bit of a surprise forme.”

“That sounds … problematic.” Paige sits back, ready to hear whatever crazy story she thinks I’m about to give her. Whatever she’s preparing herself for, she’s in for a massive surprise. Reality is going to blow her expectations right out of the water.

“Do you remember that girl I ran into in Key West? The one who lives in Brookside?”

“You mean the one you wouldn’t track down because you knew she was too big of a deal and would conflict with your marriage to the Corps?” Paige rolls her eyes. “How could I forget?” Understanding causes her to lean forward. “No way. You found her? This is good, right? Like reallygood?”

I smile because she’s right. It’s good. Really, really good. “We kind of found each other. She was as surprised to see me as I was to see her.” I remember the way I felt the first moment I saw Gabe and realized who he was. “No. Scratch that. I was definitely more surprised than shewas.”

“I feel like you’re hiding something from me, here. Like, somethingbig.”

I shift my nephew in my arms. “I have ason.”

“Shut. Up.”

I nod. “A six-year-old son named Gabriel Tyler.”

Paige blinks in shock. “Are you furious? Why didn’t she try to reach you? Why didn’t she let you know? Oh my God, I’m furious on your behalf.”

“It’s a long story filled with lost notes, hurt feelings, misunderstandings, and misplaced good intentions. And no, I’m not furious.” I settle back in my chair. “I’m confused. And I have very little time to figure out how to move forward before I go back to Hawaii.”

“Have you gotten to meethim?”

“I spent the morning teaching him how to throw a football.”

Paige puts a hand to her heart. “Oh, Tyler. I can’t even begin to process all this. You’re going to make me cry.” And, true to form, giant tears well in my sister’s eyes. One look at her and I know she understands how big a deal this is for me. She knows how I feel about our father. She knows how much his absence fucked with our heads. And she knows how much I want to do everything better than he everdid.

I shift in the cheap armchair near the window. “You know I swore I’d be there for my kids. I always said I’d be the proudest dad in the history of proud dads from day one and I’ve missed six years, Paige.” I look down at Leo and my voice cracks, goddamnit. “I didn’t even know a human being could be this small.” I look long and hard at my sister. “I missed his first word. I missed helping him learn to walk. I missed looking down at his face and trying to figure out how much he looks like me instead of her. I missed his tiny fist holding my finger. I missed his first day of school.”

Paige nods her understanding. “And now you have to go back to Hawaii and keep on missing the rest.” Her heart is breaking for me and it’s written all over herface.

“And what about when I’m deployed again? Because let’s face it, I will be deployed again. That’s six months of me being over there, with shitty internet connection on the best of days and … well … the bad days get way worse than that. And I haven’t even started talking about how much I like hismom.”

“What are you going todo?”

“I’m going to find a way to keep them in my life.” I don’t know how, not with their life so firmly planted here and mine so firmly planted in the Corps, but where there’s a will, there’s a way, damn it, and I have made my living finding thoseways.

Movement in the doorway catches my attention. “Hey! Ty!” Rob, Paige’s husband, walks in bearing grease-stained fast food bags in each hand. He holds one up. “If I had known you were here, I’d have grabbed you something.”

“No worries there. I’m happy to hold this little thing while you guys eat,” I say, jokingly, and then smile down atLeo.

Rob sits on the edge of the bed and hands my sister her food. She smiles graciously and he stares at her like she’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen as she takes several large bites. Leo shifts and then starts crying and try as I might, I can’t calm him down. Paige puts her sandwich down and takes her son, cradling him in her arms while she rocks and shushes him. Rob leans down, his forehead nearly touching Paiges, and smiles at his son. For the first time in a long time, I wonder if my devotion to the Marines is misplaced. Maybe there’s more to the world than being a badass leader, kicking ass and taking names. Maybe, just maybe, the answer to life is much simpler thanthat.

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