Page 56 of This Is Why

LEXI

The very firstthing I do when we land is pull out my phone and tap out an email to Ty. It’s the one form of communication he’s guaranteed to receive.

Ty-

I know you won’t get this for hours still because you’re in the air, but I want you to know that we’re safe on the ground and my heart is with you. I haven’t stopped thinking of you since we left. I love you. I missyou.

All of me is foryou,

Lexi

The words fall soshort of describing how I’m feeling, but I don’t think I could ever express the aching sadness weighing on my shoulders and spinning in my stomach.

Bailey and Michelle meet me at baggage claim. I take one look at them and my chin starts wobbling, but I swallow back the tears and force a smile. I don’t want to cry in front of Gabe. I want to be strong for him so he doesn’t worry; the boy worries enough about me as it is. Tears gleam in Michelle’s eyes as she reaches for me and Bailey smiles sadly down at myson.

“Hey,” I manage, as I hug first Michelle and then Bailey. “Surprise.” I try to add humor to the word, but my voice breaks, ruining the effect.

Bay takes my hand. “Come on,” she says. “Let’s get youhome.”

My heart clenches at the word. Home. What does that even mean anymore? Home isn’t my little house in Brookside any more than it’s Ty’s house in Hawaii. Home is probably on an airplane by now, on his way to a bad place filled with bad people who want to do bad things. A sob wrenches past my lips before I can clamp down onit.

Gabe leans into me. “It’s okay, Mom. Ty’s been fighting bad guys for all of my life, right? He knows what he’s doing. He’ll be back. He promised.”

I put a hand on his head and run my fingers through his hair. “He did promise and you’re right. He’ll be back. I just miss him and that makes me sad, that’sall.”

We pile into Bailey’s truck and she drives us home. They fill me in on what’s happened in the week I’ve been gone, but it all boils down to a whole lot of not much. It’s only been a week after all, and while my entire life has changed so much it’s barely recognizable, the rest of the world has kept on keeping on. When we get home, my house seems small and cold. I stand in the living room with my friends and my shoulders slump while I take in all the things I used to love but now seem worthless. The pictures hanging on the walls are impersonal and cheap. The bright paint colors are oppressive and fake. There’s nothing to welcome me here, now that Ty isgone.

I need to talk to my friends and I need to get really emotionally honest with them because there’s no way I can work through this confusion on my own. But I can’t do that in front of Gabe. How can I talk about everything swirling around in my heart and mind with him standing right next tome?

I put a hand on his head. “Why don’t you go into your room and play,” Isay.

He nods and then takes off down the hallway, pausing to turn back, a smile lifting his face. “I’m gonna work on that house Ty built for me. I want to show him I can do it by myself when he comes back,” he says and then disappears into hisroom.

The luggage can hang out here in the living room for a while. As Gabe closes his bedroom door, I let the bags fall from my shoulder and they hit the floor with a thud. I lean the larger suitcases against the wall and lead Bailey and Michelle into the kitchen.

“You guys want to sit?” I gesture at my kitchen table. “I’ll make drinks.”

Bailey pulls out a chair and leads me to it. “How about you sit down and I’ll make drinks.” She goes to the cabinet and pulls out the Don Juan Margaritas.

“How long until you hear from Ty?” Michelle asks while Bailey pours three glasses.

I shrug. “I don’t really know. He said he’d send an email when he landed, but who knows when he’ll be able to call.” I run my hands up into my hair. “I have no idea what to expect and it really sucks.” I wonder if I would have been better off to stay on base where I’d be surrounded by people like Tara who understand what I’m going through, but don’t voice that thought outloud.

Michelle nods. “I’m so sorry,” she says at the same time Bailey says, “This really doessuck.”

Bailey brings me my margarita and I take a long drink. The taste reminds me of the first night Ty was here withme.

“I still have two weeks of vacation left and I have no idea what I’m going to do with them other than miss Ty.” I smile weakly as tears brim in my eyes. I swipe them away but damn it, they just keep falling.

“It’s okay to cry.” Bailey puts a hand on mine. “And it’s okay to misshim.”

I run a hand over my mouth and swallow back the tears. “I love him. Like, really, truly, honestly, super-duper love him.” I take a long breath and look at each of my friends in turn. “I was starting to think there’s a chance I might move in with him. Like, I really want to move in withhim.”

Michelle’s eyes go wide. “Really? That’s amazing, Lex. I’m so happy for you...” She smiles, but it’s short lived as she realizes that the love of my life is flying into a warzone.

I bob my head and smile weakly. “I think what Ty and I have is the real deal. Like the kind of love you would lay down your whole lifefor.”

“The timing of this deployment couldn’t be worse.” Michelle folds her arms on the table and meets my eyes. “I hate that you have to go throughthis.”

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