Page 18 of This Is Why

I try to think of something to say that doesn’t come out sounding like aww shucks and find nothing. I change the subject instead. “Why a Marine?”

“Because I wanted to make a difference. Because I wanted skills that would carry over into real life. Because I wanted to help people through hard times and bring them into better times.” Ty grins atme.

“See! Copycat! That’s, like, word for word what I justsaid.”

“It is. It’s also the truth. Even when I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to go into the military.” He pauses to take a bite. “Which never failed to freak out my sister,” he says around a mouthful of food. “I had this need to be a badass that made the military sound especially appealing. But as I grew up, that need to be a badass morphed into a need to be a leader. A badass leader, of course, but a leader first and a badass second.” Tyler takes another monster bite of his fajita and chews thoughtfully. “Okay, so maybe I never lost the need to be a badass.” He grins at me. “Everyone knows that the Marines are the best of the best, right? So, not only did it check off the badass leader box, I also really wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. And I can. And it turns out I’m pretty good atit.”

“How very hoorahofyou.”

“Guilty as charged.”

His answer rings true enough, but he skipped the whole part about how his job makes a difference. When it comes to engaging the enemy, Marines are known to be first in last out, and according to Michelle, Ty signs up for extratours.

“What’s it like?” I pick at a piece of salt on my drink. “Going overseas?”

Ty sits back in his chair. His eyebrows draw together as he lets out a long breath. “Sandy?” He smiles a little then blinks away the joke. “It’s different, Lexi. It changes a person.”

“Because of all thesand?”

“Exactly.” He picks up his margarita and takes a drink. “It’s a different world over there. Things escalate so quickly. It goes from just a normal day to a war zone in the blink of an eye. And that means I need to be prepared for anything to happen at any time. For example, I know where we are right now in conjunction with the exits in this place. I know how many people are seated between us and said exits. I’ve memorized the paths the servers take as they check on tables. I’ve got my eye on a gentleman behind you because he has shifty eyes and can’t stop fidgeting. Probably just on a first date with a girl he wants to impress, or maybe he’s carrying a weapon or intends to harm someone. Either way, he’s nervous, which means that I’m prepared for him to do just about anything.” He shrugs. “It’s not like I expect anything bad to happen, but I’d be a fool not to be prepared for things to go sideways, especially after everything I’ve experienced.”

As he speaks, Ty sits up taller and squares his shoulders. The constant glint of friendly humor fades from his eyes and I glimpse the battle-hardened Marine, a man used to taking control and making decisions in the blink of an eye. I wonder about the things he’s seen and done. What has he lived through? What atrocities has he witnessed? I wonder these things but don’t ask. Notyet.

“I’m a little hurt you didn’t tell me you were a nurse that day back in Key West.” Tyler starts assembling another fajita.

“Why’sthat?”

“Can you imagine what that would have done to my fantasies of you?” He shakes his head. “Gasoline to the fire, baby.”

“You fantasized aboutme?”

“More than you probably want toknow.”

“Don’t be too sure of that. Maybe I like the idea of you touching yourself while thinking aboutme.”

“Oh, I did more than touch myself.”

Holy hotness, is this even real life right now? Since when do these kind of conversations happen in the middle of my favorite restaurant? And since when do I find the thought of him jerking off to me such a total turn-on instead of cringing over the creep factor?

Ty sits back and clears his throat and we maneuver the conversation towards much safer topics. It’s easy, being with him. He makes me laugh and I make him laugh just as much. He indulges my long philosophical diatribes and even goes so far as to add in his own take on things from time to time. I listen, rapt, as he explains more about the man behind the Marine and the Marine behind theman.

As the night goes on and the margaritas flow, I’m acutely aware of the fact that I have the house to myself tonight. Do I invite him over? Offer him drinks and see where the night takes us? Or would that only be a recreation of our night in Key West? Am I mistaking his desire to fuck me with some kind of unique connection betweenus?

Conversation lulls and Tyler meets my gaze. “I’ve been thinking.”

Oh, God. This is it. He’s going to make his move and I still haven’t decided if I should sleep with him or not. “Oh yeah?” I do my best to sound nonchalant while my heart pounds and a low, throbbing hum starts up between my thighs.

“I want to start paying child support.”

I blink in confusion and my growing lust comes to a screeching halt. “What?”

“Child support. For Gabe. And I’d like to look into back child support as well. I’ve got enough savings that I should be able to pay off what I owe from the last six years.”

“Pay off what you owe? You make it sound like he’s a student loan or something.” I laugh, trying to keep the mood light.

Ty sighs, his shoulders slumping. “That’s not at all what I meant. I keep trying to think of ways to do right by him and right now this is all Ihave.”

“That’s really thoughtful of you, but Gabe and I are fine. There’s no need to go through all that trouble,” I say as I try to process the rush of conflicting emotions swirling to life inside.

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