Page 41 of Peppermint Bark

“It’s your friend Mallory. You’re in Saratoga. Can you open your eyes?”

I shook my head, rocking slowly. I couldn’t, didn’t want to …

Levi’s outburst broke Dad’s stillness.

“Don’t blaspheme in my house,” my father spat. “If this is what they teach at that liberal school, encouraging these self-centered, misguided lifestyle choices, I’m done paying for it. You’re moving home.”

“No,” I said in horror. “No, I can’t move home.”

“That’s ok, you don’t have to open your eyes. Could you move your toes? A wiggle if you can hear me. Notice how the ground feels beneath your feet.”

I pressed into the soft ground, bending my toes and flexing my heels.

“Then take it back,” my father said sternly.

I wanted to. God, I desperately wanted to claw back the words. I opened my mouth to apologize, to explain that it was a joke, to —

“No,” I said. My body refused to hold back, like trying to swallow vomit by putting your hand over your mouth, but your body forces it out.

“You always said you wanted a daughter, Dad.” I held my arms out, voice pleading. “Here she is.”

“There you go, sweetie, good work. When you’re ready to look around, I want to show you this tree farm, it’s so peaceful.”

Levi covered his mouth to disguise a malicious laugh.

Dad snarled, “You’ve let the world seduce you and become blind to the Truth.”

“If you open your eyes, I’ll show you how beautiful it is now.”

I shook my head, burrowing it into my knees.

You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.”

“That’s ok, I’ll tell you about it. The trees are, um, really tall, I guess? They’re lined up in rows. There are pine and fir or … I don’t know shit about trees. But they smell amazing. Can you take a deep breath and smell that, sweetheart?”

I did. I could. The crisp air of a winter night.

“Good breathing, honey. Again if you can, in and out.”

I took another breath.Not just the pine trees, but also … it smelled like a candy cane.

“I have no daughter.” Dad spoke in a low, cold voice, nostrils flaring. “Until you repent from these lies, you’re no longer part of this family. Get out.”

“Are you ready to open your eyes?”

I blinked into a cherubic face: soft blue eyes, rosy cheeks, strands of blonde hair escaping from a cotton candy hat. When she smiled, the lines around her eyes crinkled. “Welcome back. I’m your friend, Mallory.”

I nodded. Mallory. I liked Mallory.

“Can you take a deep breath? We do this together at yoga class. Inhale for four and exhale for eight, ok?”

I nodded and followed her cues.

“We’re in a tree farm. Can you look around and tell me five things you see?”

I did: trees, stars, wreaths, dirt, and … oh no. There was a big man over there pacing. His hands ran through his dark hair. My throat tightened as blood pounded in my ears. “That’s not him. You’re safe. That’s my brother.”

Dizziness hit me.

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