Page 40 of Peppermint Bark

“He got into a huge fight with Dad last night,” Levi said in a bored tone. “Dad overheard him tell Mom he went to his girlfriend Rachel’s house for Hanukkah and forbade him from dating a non-Christian. He stormed off after dinner, who knows when he’ll come back.”

Isaac wasn’t here. Isaac couldn’t protect me.

Ok, I would be ok. I’d adjust my plans. Stay in the kitchen with Mama until I had to face Dad. Keep my mouth shut. Stay quiet, stay small. Wait for Elijah.

“I don’t know why he’d bother with a Jew. Christian girls are better at everything that matters," Levi said with a lewd expression. I stifled my reaction, dodging his hand as he reached over to ruffle my hair, which I hadn’t cut in a few months. “Tell me you’ve found some pretty college girl to take care of you.”

I heard a muffled voice, almost unintelligible, like it was coming from underwater: “Honey, it’s me, your friend Mallory. You’re in Saratoga now.”

“Merry Christmas, Leviticus, Jeremiah,” Dad said, and my given name felt like a slap as he entered the kitchen from the garage, still in his crisp shirt and festive tie from church services. Mama plated his lunch then retreated to the kitchen. I desperately wished I could follow her, but I knew that would trigger a lecture about “a woman’s place.” That fight felt too close to the surface right now. Better to stay and shut up.

“After all,” Levi drawled, as if Dad had interrupted a debate about Scripture instead of sex, “the Bible says that’s what women are made for: taking care of their men. Isn’t that right, Dad?”

“Of course, Leviticus,” Dad said, proud of his son for asking a religious question since Levi barely paid attention during services. “Ephesians 5: ‘As the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands in everything.’”

“Hear that? Submit in eeeeeeeverything.” He poked me in the ribs.

“But you can’t expect —”

“Sweetie, it’s Mallory. It’s all over, you’re here with me now. Listen to the sound of my voice, and nod if you can hear me.”

A wave of nausea rose, and I squeezed my eyes tighter.

“You can’t, what?” Levi said.

“You can’t expect women to submit everything to their husbands.” I turned to my father. “If you had a daughter, you’d want her to make her own decisions, right?”

Dad leaned back in his chair. “If your mother had given me the girl I wanted, I would have shepherded her to remain pure until she had a good Christian husband to guide her.”

That should be it. I should shut up. The plan was to shut up.

Why couldn’t I shut up?

“But wouldn’t she get to choose anything herself?”

“Of course,” he said, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “She could have had hobbies. But a woman’s highest vocation is as a wife and mother. Isn’t that what you want from your future wife? To be a good mother to your children?”

“If you can hear me, take a deep breath.” My hand lifted to my chest, but breathing hurt. “This is Mallory. Nothing bad is happening right now.”

When I didn’t immediately agree, emotions clogging my throat, Dad’s grip on my shoulder tightened, firm enough to bruise. “Our role as men is to protect and provide for our women. Isn’t that what you want? A woman to care for?”

“No,” the word slipped out.

“Oh my God, he's gay,” Levi said with a condescending laugh.

“I’m not gay,” I said defensively … even though I might be gay. I hadn’t figured it out.

“If you don’t like women, and you’re not gay, what are you?” Levi snickered.

The truth roiled in my gut. The exploration I’d been on for months, the slow unraveling of what felt right versus what I’d been told, the debilitating fear of how people would react … they rose and converged, and before I could push it down, the confession escaped like a release valve.

“I’m a woman.”

The truth hovered as the tension in the air thickened.

Dad’s body froze as insecurity flashed over his face, not about who I was or what that meant for my soul … but about what his congregation would whisper: ‘Did you hear about Pastor Isaac? He can’t even save his own son.’

Levi’s eyes shifted to my face, then his cackle broke the silence. He recoiled in disgust and shouted, “Gross, he’s a tranny!”

---